my bf and i relocated for his job, the company provides housing and several guys live in the houses together (they are big houses) most of them go home on the weekends but we stay because we are here together. lately though one of the guys that lives in our house is getting on my last nerve, for a while there my bf was out way too much with the guys fishing or crabbing, finally i said if i'm going to sit here alone 24/7 i'm going home which woke him up and now he wants to stay home. this guy though doesn't want to 'let him go' he went as far as taking out a loan to buy a boat in order to keep my bf hanging out with HIM on weekends! he NEVER goes home anymore and just makes plans to hang out with my bf without asking, its getting really annoying and kind of sick really, he won't take his new boat out with any of the other guys on the job unless my guy goes. everyone says he's gay, i don't know whether he is or not, he was once married but hasn't even had a date in 9 year
2006-06-23T12:59:51Z
nobody likes the guy, he's goofy and has no common sense and no friends so we try not to be mean to him but its getting ridiculous, he's been told that if my guy wants to hang out he'll let him know..but it has not changed anything, another weekend is here and he's staying again and last night started talking about what he and my bf were going to do, he was told it isn't happening but is still staying. i just can't bring myself to go with them because i just can't stand the guy and don't want to spend my time with him! i really don't know what to do, this job is almost over and then we'll go to another town (but this guy will probably get sent to that job too), they have to work together and he is pretty pathetic but i need advise, what would you do? i truly think he's in love with my bf and its like he's trying to steal him away or something, if it was a girl i'd know how to deal but this is weird...
2006-06-23T13:09:08Z
sorry, the problem is not the bf, he's home and spending his time with me, that problem has been solved, the problem is getting this guy to deal with that
2006-06-23T13:18:09Z
providing housing is part of his pay for doing the job, would you go to work and give up part of your salary because someone else is a moron who can't take a hint, or doesn't even get it when he's told straight up to back off?
Anonymous2006-06-23T14:09:14Z
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I've been through this and my husband and I are no longer together. These in-the-closet-women-hating-homosexuals who try to take other people's spouses make me sick!
Make it clear to your boyfriend now what a threat this guy is to your relationship. Don't be afraid to say, "Him or me." It will save you a lot of agony in the long run. This is a guy with a hidden agenda and he is more dangerous than another woman. This man will sabotage you every chance he gets. He will be your husband's number one *** kisser, *** licker for that matter, and your husband has already been lured in to a certain extent.
The question is, is he completely innocent in this whole scenario? Is there something above and beyond the ostensible unconditional "friendship" that your bf wants? Are you sure he isn't bi-sexual? My husband wasn't but he had his own issues with needing to disempower me by constantly triangulating our relationship, lack of trust, great need of approval, esp. from men, etc, etc. He is pretty damaged and now I am too.
The scarey thing about these hidden-agenda-homosexuals is that by never disagreeing with your bf, always being there when the two of you have a fight, and catering to his *** (e.g. fishing boat) they can make life seem idylic. Whereas relationships are hard work. You and your bf need to work to be happy together. While this other guy is in persuit and he will make any sacrifice to take your man from you even if he never gets to have him himself. It is alarming that this man lives in the same house with you.
Please let your bf read this. If he can't or won't see the danger and the need to immediately end this friendship and set some rock-solid boundaries for this theif than I advise you to leave immediately. With you out of the picture, maybe he'll finally figure out what is really going on.
Another thought is that there are probably single men in that house who would love to go off with YOU on a boat every week end. Is your bf o.k. with that? Let him know that you will not be spending your time alone when he goes off with "Mr. Inappropriate." You can also see what you can do to rally the support of the other people in the house. Maybe you can flush this guy out into the open but I'll tell you this, if your bf leaves one chink in his armour this guy will worm his way right back in.
This may all sound severe but the pain I've been through, I wouldn't wish on anyone. And don't get me wrong, I have gay friends, men who are openly and honestly gay and I adore them. It's deception and theivery with which I have a problem. I wish you luck and confident, purposeful action before your confidence is eroded by bieng part of a triangle and unable to even get sympathy or support because "Mr. Inappropriate" will deny everything and make you out to be a paranoid, controlling *****. Feel free to contact me anytime. I'd like to know how it works out. It has a good chance of ending happily because your bf probably values you a lot more than my husband valued me.
Does your BF like all this attention? Maybe your BF likes to fish and go crabbing. Guys do like to do Guy things.
Time to get out the BIG GUNS! Make your BF want to spend time with you, you two should do FUN things together. He seems to like the outdoors, plan a romantic weekend camping trip, just the two of you. You can even set it up in your own backyard, Honey, ya gotta do something, or let the geek steal your Man.!
while you are stuck here you might as well be pleasant to everyone else. Give this guy some credit for making things more fun for everyone, or at least trying. Generate some conversation and get to know this person, then you can all respect each other and have no hard feelings, no matter what happens. Support your man's decisions. Otherwise, yeah, leave, but don't use that as a threat to win your man's company or else you will look bad.
I wouldn't let it bother me. Sooner or later the boat trips are going to get old and you should soon have a better piece of mind. In the meantime, You should find a hobby or something you like doing. You have to realize everyone needs a little space and time for themselves even when they are involved.Just let your man know you're okay with his hanging out, but he may need to limit his going out. As for the guy friend being gay; that would only bother me if my significant other started showing tendencies of going the other way.
HOLY COW!!! This other guy is a total jerk. I would plan a great weekend with the bf and go on and on and on about it (embelish a lot) so that this guy gets really upset and finally tells your bf to pick you or him (of course he will choose you) spend time locked away in you room with a sign on the door that says "we're making it like rabbits go away"