My hubby and I had a big blow up yesterday, because he thinks I give my kids anything and everything they want (which is SO far from the truth...). Anyway, my kids get $160.00 a month each from social security disability (because their biological father is on disability). I also receive $345.00 a month in child support from my ex. YES, I buy them SOME of the things they want, but always make sure their NEEDS are met first, and then I usually use what is left to pay bills. The problem is, my husband is pissed off because HIS kids don't get some of the things my kids get or get to do some of the things my kids get to do. My argument is that the SSD they get is THEIR money, and I should be allowed to "spoil" them a little with it.(it's nothing major...my 9 yr old is playing football and it cost $60.00....that is what he made the biggest deal about, because his 10 yr. old didn't get to play fall baseball cause we didn't have $55.00 to pay for it, and yes, his mother works and could have
2006-08-08T06:37:44Z
and could have helped pay for it, but she doesn't do jack sh!t for her kids, my husband and I pay for just about everything they do. Am I wrong for thinking the way I do about it being THEIR money(the checks come in their names)? I always buy them things to, maybe not as exciting as what I get for mine, but it is their money....please don't give any smart a$$ answers...this is very serious!!
2006-08-08T07:31:26Z
I always make sure that if I am doing extra for mine that his are not around and they are pretty good about not making a big deal about it. They live with their mom most of the time. My hubby does not have a set amount of child support to pay, but we pay for most of their activities, and clothes.
Raspberry2006-08-08T06:50:45Z
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Stick to your guns, sister. That is your children's money and it should NEVER go towards him or his kids stuff.
In the future if his kids want to do an activity or something like that insist that their mom pay for at least half. You all shouldn't have to foot the whole bill and pay child support to her.
Oh the stories I am sure you and I could share as I am in somewhat a similar situation. Ever need to talk you can email me at iammykidsmom1995@yahoo.com.
Honestly, I think $160 a month for a 9 year old is pretty excessive. I'm not sure why they get that money if it's their biological father who is on disability, plus paying child support. I do think you need to even out the playing field - it sounds unfair that you could pay $60 for your child to play sports, but couldn't come up with another $55 for your stepchild. If these kids are all living in the same household, you really want to be careful about "spoiling" yours... I think you're just setting the scene for a lot of resentment, and the kids who get spoiled (out of guilt maybe?) grow up with a real sense of entitlement. Maybe the $160 SSD would be better put to use in an IRA where it can be used for college in the future.
The problem with blended families is step parents like you. Just because your children are getting money doesn't mean they should get to do things that the other children can't. If one child can't play football, why does the other? To the children, it shows favortism. If you didn't have the 55 dollars the first time, you could have saved your money up the next time and wait for both children to play at the same time. Do you understand the jealousy building up between the step children? when some children get more than the other because they get more child support? Is that what you really want? I'm just curious why you married your new husband in the first place. If you don't love you husband's children as much as you love your husband or your own children you should have never married in the first place. Like I said, you are the ideal reason why blended families are so screwed up!
I Kinda have the same thing going on but heres what mine is and what I do to solve any petty argument. My middle son gets survivor benefits his father past away. I get what HE needs clothes,school supplies, etc.. I then use some of the money for the household bills, and the rest goes into a SAVINGS ACCOUNT for HIM. I also receive child support for my other son and the same goes for that. The purpose of the money is that it is to help out. Yous' are suppose to be a FAMILY now. You shouldn't treat the kids differently. You both made it before with out each other and now that yous' are married having the income double yous' shouldn't have a problem with treated them all the same. If yous' can't come up with a plan on your own seek counseling. Trust me theres a way yous' can come to an agreement.
I can see your point about the money belonging to your biological children and using that money for their needs but why punish your step children because their parents are idiots? Would it hurt to be a little more fair? I could be wrong but it looks to me like your bio children may grow up to be selfish while your step children may grow up to resent you. If you don't care then you'll have to deal with the fallout but if you do care, now is the time to do something about it. I'm a step mom. My husband has custody of the kids. They both receive child support and one child also receives SSI. Just because one child gets more money than the other doesn't mean that he's entitled to have more than the other. That's just not fair and that's what it boils down to is being fair.