Am I using her, if I tell her I'm not what she needs in her life - but she still cooks and sex me?
I have this friend who use to work with. She was there for me during my divorce when I needed someone to talk to and some other things. But now that I'm healed emotionally and mentally - I can't seem to get her off my back. I've told her, all along that I'm not looking for anything serious and we can't carry on like we were doing. But nothing works, I don't want to just turn my back on her b/c she did help me thru a tough time and we were friends 5 years previous to us sleeping together. I've told her I sleep with other women, and all she does is ask if I wore protection. She's a very sweet lady and really doesn't deserve to be treated badly but short of that -- what else can I do?
Bad Kitty2006-10-29T17:37:37Z
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OK. This is all my opinion.
So is she raping you everytime or are you allowing her to sleep with you and cook for you?
If you really DON'T want her around, tell her so. You don't work with her anymore so there's no need to be mindful of a workplace blow-up. If you feel she's "on your back" and you feel pressured, you need to cut ties. You really aren't doing her a favor by stringing her along. That is what you're doing because:
a. you don't want her aroung b. her presence is making you feel bad about you and will cause you to resent her
If you ARE her friend, you will cut ties to help her to get over you. Maybe in the future you two will be friends again but if you do care, cut her loose.
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Well she may be a sweet lady but, if she were smart she wouldn't put herself in a position were she knows she will get hurt.. looks like she is a clinger... that's not good.. but then again she knew what she was getting herself into... Just because she helped you out.doesn't mean you can't tell her how you feel... have a talk with her and ask her what she is feeling towards you and tell her the truth about your feelings..thats the only way things will get solved...be honest... and tell her that you are not trying to hurt her feelings.
Stop sleeping with her. That would be your first solution. Then tell her that you want to be friends only--nothing more. Admit your wrong (that you kept sleeping with her even though you didn't want a serious relationship), and then move on. Sex is emotional and mental, not just physical. If you keep sleeping with her, you have her thinking that she means something to you. Yes you are using her, if you keep it up! Respect her and respect yourself--stop sleeping around! It's emotionally unhealthy, not to mention physically dangerous.
When I first read your title I thought "What a scum bag" but as I read your story, I began to change my views. I can't believe your "friend" wants to keep you tied to her even after you told her you didn't want anything serious. Now, for her to ask you if you used protection with the other women, that was the tip of the iceberg for me. She doesn't respect herself so why should you have any considerations for her. Use her, she gives women a bad name.