I am divorced after 24 years married to a gay man. I am getting remarried in 6 weeks, I have adult sons and a daughter by the ex. My soon to be husband says I am insulting him by not taking his last name. I had planned on using both names in my profession and just his last name socially. Now he say's if I can not change my name, if I do not love and respect him enough then the wedding is off. He can not understand why I would want to hang onto a gay man who abused me as my last name. I would have to contact 225 people and cancel the wedding then. Am I being stubborn? He is deeply hurt by this. I love him very deeply, why am I clinging to my ex last name?
Gem2007-02-04T18:38:51Z
Favorite Answer
I would guess that after 24 years it is part of your identity and that is why you are having a problem. Plus you probably have some leftover hurt/anger at your ex and you don't want to give your new hubby the same power over you and the name issue is where it is occuring.
I can't say that I blame the guy, the last name is your ex's and your kids, but it really is not yours, it has no bearing on your geneology, just your kids.
IF I were in your shoes I would take his name, or postpone the wedding and go get some counseling to find the real reasons you are hanging on to a past that was an illusion.
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okay...i definitely think he's maybe being a bit too insane about it...but, then again, you need to consider this is the kind of guy you are marrying. obviously someone old fashined. but...i see his point too. why WOULD you want to keep the name?
well,I think you should use both names, just tell your new husband that it doesn't mean anything and its not like your cheating on him with your ex.He's gay!