My 12 month old has been continually clinging to my side lately. He won't go near any one else, including his dad, someone else goes to pick him up or play with him he starts howling. Every time I put him down he starts crying and doesn't stop until I pick him up again. I have to put a stop to this as I can't go carrying him around 24/7. I am also due to go back to work next month (part-time) and he will be starting day-care. What are some suggestions to get him to stop doing this????
prekinpdx2007-03-12T20:55:27Z
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Many posters are correct in that you should at first do this with someone he is familiar (his father) and in shorter durations (10 min or so) to begin with. Dad will need to have some fun things to try to distract and redirect his attention onto him. Redirection is the key. He should say a few times twice that mommy will be back soon when you leave, but not say it repeatedly. Try to normalize the fact that you aren't there. There is no reason to fear, so no reason to keep saying you will be back.
Dad should have some really fun toys...maybe even a new and exciting toy that you think he'd love. you could have your son's favorite music playing...basically set the environment up for as much success as possible. Dad should do his best not to dwell or really talk about the fact that you are gone but instead continue to try to redirect his attention...he could mention it a few times, but really try hard to play and engage him in dad.
Babies will usually go through a stage like this. As long as it's only a stage. There is a lot of research on attachment and if you do a quick search you can find a lot. Ideally, you'll be able to put him down and have him feel safe, exploring and smiling and interacting with others while always looking to you as a secure base from which to roam.
According to developmental psychology this is perfectly normal. Children between the ages of 8-24 months become extreme clingy and attached to the primary caregiver...some children more so than others. I am sure he will grow out of it but I understand it is frustrating right now. The only thing you can do is to stop carrying him around all the time and force him to be taken care of by other people when you cannot take care of him (like if you want some alone time)...he will scream and cry and it will hurt your feeling to see your child so upset but that is the only thing to do. He will not be able to reason with you because he is still so young.
I think you need to be cruel to be kind. When dropping him off at day-care, distract his attention with some kind of toy or someone talking to him, and then leave. As I said, it may seem cruel, but I assure you that the staff at the day-care centre will be able to handle his crying, and if it gets really serious, they'd call you. After a little while of following the same routine, he'll probably settle in.
Alternatively, you could see about a settling in process. Take him there for a few hours with you observing, then the next time stay a little while and then leave half way, and then maybe the last time, leave him there altogether. Again, eventually he'll get used to the routine.
Going to daycare is the answer. He will then not have a choice but to get use to other people. Then he will finally have other kids to play with. As far as at home, let him cry and he will get over it. Stop picking him up the moment he cries. I know its hard, but that is the only way. He will then see that you are not going to run and pick him up every second. He'll get over it and he cant cry forever! Put your foot down girl!
Try to distract him and show him something that he would love to play with. Also, maybe you should get all the snuggling time in now since you are going back to work part time soon. He will miss you while you are at work, especially because at the day care they won't be able to pick him up as much as you do now.