Do you have a child from a previous relationship half the time and he/she stays with the other the rest of the time? If so, how does this affect your child? You? Do you have a good or bad relationship with the other parent? Why do you have this arrangement? How long have you had this arrangement? What problems have you encountered or has it been positive? No, I'm not writing a paper, but will be discussing these issues at length soon in the court system, sadly. Thank you much for whatever you can contribute! Though this is in Marriage and Divorce, I'm talking about an unmarried couple, but seems more people here might have this experience and can offer some insight.
2007-05-06T13:08:27Z
Thanks to all so far. I will tell you in this case it is NOT amicable. I asked if we could work things out rather than a lawyer and was told I started it (me, because I filed for child support after receiving nothing for almost three years, and my son was almost 4 at the time). I tried to drop it back then. It isn't pretty.
2007-05-06T13:11:16Z
P.S. And I care NOTHING about the money. No, I'm not loaded, but I don't want it and will find a way. I had so many people telling me to do something; I did and it's made a mess. Everyone said back then it was for my son; well, it hasn't made much of a difference, since he's often late anyway and still has arrears that haven't been figured.
fisherworld752007-05-08T14:47:58Z
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I have sole legal and physical custody but one of my greatest fears is that one day my ex is going to call up and request joint custody. That will be a bleak day indeed. He does have visitation and we can be civil to one another. It has been over two years since our split and although we have had some serious arguments most of the time we are able to keep it calm. I think it works for our relationship because we both want to work it out for our son. To be honest most of our problems do stem from money. Like you I don't really care about money, not loaded either but if he doesn't want to pay that is his problem but then I have these moments when I say wait no ... this is his kid too and he should contribute more than just the absolute minimum amount. I kinda got over that and realized that he is never going to change and since then I have been able to look at the entire situation from a somewhat objective point of view. The most important thing to me is that my son is safe and well cared for and I think I can do that pretty well with out the sperm donor. (I do have great family friends that are wonderful male role models for my son so that helps!)
Actually these are great questions...and I have first hand experience too. First off my husband has joint custody of his son with his ex-wife. His son is 17. I have a 9 year old from a previous marriage myself and I have full custody. My husband's son stays with us from time to time. It has never ever been an adjustment for us. For me...or for my daughter. I really like his ex-wife(strange but true) and we get a long great. We both know that we are there for the child...(even though he isn't going to be a child very much longer) We have grown to be a huge family with the kids as our center...Life couldn't be greater!
Me and my Ex have a 7 year old daughter we have someting like a joint custody. Before he would have her every other day or a few days here then more days later. Now he has her every weekend and I have her durning the week it can be hard at times on your child but as she grows she understands what's going on. If you ever want to talk you can e-mail me.
My divorce papers say we have joint custody. But they also say that I retain "Primary physical" custody with him getting her every other weekend. Doesn't matter if the parents were ever married or not. They are still custody papers. They get drawn up the same, whether the parents were married or not, because it is about the kid(s)...not the parents.
Joint custody can work really well when both parents live in the same town and both parents get along well, I mean communicate well with each other for the sake of the children.