Do you expect that your spouse touch base with you if they are gone for a long period of time?
For instance, yesterday was his off day. He called me at like 4:15 p.m. to tell me he was going to try and find happy hour somewhere (we had went to lunch earlier and got into an argument). It was about 10 minutes after 11 p.m. and I had not seen him nor heard from him. I finally got up the nerve to call him and at that point I was in tears. I asked him where he was and he said he had just left the bar at a local restaurant. Do you think it's right for someone to be gone for that amount of time and not call their spouse just to say hey, I'll be home in a bit? I mean that was 7 hours later.
No, this is not the first time that he has done this. He does it often actually. About a month ago he went to watch the fight at his friends house. They live 45 minutes away (and they are all single). He left home about about 7 p.m. I didn't hear from him until after 2 a.m. and that was because I called. He didn't even answer on the first ring. I called right back and he answered ...
He was with his friends and he sounded like he had been drinking (as usual). No, he’s not an alcoholic but when he does go out he drinks quite a few drinks. I was furious and he was trying to apologize to me. But we had already talked about this a week prior. I was in tears and he was telling me not to cry with his friends in the car listening. It was like he was trying to make a fool out of me in front of them. My husband’s opinion on the whole issue is that he is a grown man and he doesn’t have to get my permission to do anything. He thinks that as long as he’s not cheating (which he has technically cheated twice) and doing things he shouldn’t be doing then there shouldn’t be a problem. He gets very angry when I bring up the issue and he says I am treating him like a boy and he refuses to let that happen. Do you agree? As long as he’s not out doing something wrong then it should be okay to do whatever without touching base with me?
I don’t have any friends here and I don’t do anything but go to work and come home. But he seems to think that I am jealous that he has people to hang out with. He is so wrong. I hang out with my brother on occasion as well as my cousin. I don’t go anywhere often, but when I do, even if it’s to my brother’s house after work I call my husband after a couple of hours just to check in. If I go somewhere with my cousin, 3 or 4 hours may pass but I usually don’t let it exceed that. He tells me, I cheated and I have apologized. What more do you want me to do? I made a mistake but like goes on. Life isn’t going to stop because of what I did. I am not doing anything and I keep telling you that. But to me, I feel like that because HE knows he’s not doing anything I am supposed to feel that way too.
May I add that after yesterday's incident, he came straight in and went to bed. He didn't say anything to me (as usual). It doesn't matter if I am upset and crying or not. Also, this morning he woke up, got out of bed and went to the living room (that's typical as well) without saying a word. I got up and went into the guest bedroom and read my book. About 30 mins. later he came in the room to tell me he is going to the barber shop. I didn't respond and he asked if I heard him and I said yes. Then before he left I ran out and said, why are you telling me where you're going now? I said I had no idea where you were last night. He got upset and said I'll be back and shut the door. That's always. Everytime I try to voice my opinion he cuts me off and leaves the room or leaves period. Yes, I am already in counseling.