Husband picked up by police for being drunk....how to deal with him now?

I got a phone call last night from the police who said they had my husband. Aparently he was drunk and passed out in front of an apartment building. Some residents there called the police. Luckily for him (or perhaps not) the country we live in takes a fairly lenient view of these things, and apart from calling me to take him home, nothing will happen to him.
The fact that he is employed in a white collar job seems to mean that his behaviour can be excused.

I got dressed and got my 3 year old daughter out of bed took a taxi to where the police were waiting. My husband was passed out on the pavement in front of the building. I talked and yelled at him trying to wake him up......when the policemen pulled him to his feet he could walk and we got him into the taxi and home.

2007-07-13T15:18:46Z

there are so any things that are wrong with this.
I have known that he had a drinking problem for a long time...but the culture we live in (his culture) has a business culture that is very tied to a drinking-to-foster-ties culture. Heavy after works drinks are common and publice drunkeness tolerated in a way I couldn`t imagine in my home country. I also have been known to drink too much particularly in my younger single days.

BUT this was so wrong for my daughter. She wasn`t distressed as she is not old enough to know that picking up your drunk father from the street is not a normal or healthy thing to do.
He is over 40 now and has a beautiful child. He has to stop this kind of behaviour.

I don`t know how I am feeling now. The anger is not so white hot....I just know that this is so wrong.

I don`t know how to talk to him or how to deal with this. Any body with any ideas as to where I go from here?

2007-07-13T15:21:15Z

there are so any things that are wrong with this.
I have known that he had a drinking problem for a long time...but the culture we live in (his culture) has a business culture that is very tied to a drinking-to-foster-ties culture. Heavy after works drinks are common and publice drunkeness tolerated in a way I couldn`t imagine in my home country. I also have been known to drink too much particularly in my younger single days.

BUT this was so wrong for my daughter. She wasn`t distressed as she is not old enough to know that picking up your drunk father from the street is not a normal or healthy thing to do.
He is over 40 now and has a beautiful child. He has to stop this kind of behaviour.

I don`t know how I am feeling now. The anger is not so white hot....I just know that this is so wrong.

I don`t know how to talk to him or how to deal with this. Any body with any ideas as to where I go from here?

2007-07-13T15:25:23Z

wow...great answers so quickly...thanks!

well luckily for HIM they are lenient....but I also think it would have been better if they took him to jail.
This is Japan though, and the police were obviously waiting for the family member to take the mess away.

Yes, he gets drunk fairly regularly, although hhe has always found his way home (eventually) before now.

sandy_uf2007-07-13T15:23:22Z

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You need to understand that this behavior can escalate. You have a little girl to think about. I don't endorse divorcing but I do think that often in situations like this, it is best to be strong.

You have the right to expect him to go to AA meetings. You have a right to expect him to not be found drunk in public. You have a right to not drag your little one out of bed in the wee hours to go pick him up. You might also explain to him that if it happens again, you won't do that to her and the police will have to deal with him.

Be prepared though. If he does not agree to those terms or does not follow through, you may have to separate for his own sake. Sometimes a man has to miss what he is taking for granted, a wonderful wife and a sweet baby girl. Doing this would be a great show of love really. Not doing it, could be helping him to lose everything eventually anyway.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Aron1968_302007-07-13T22:26:21Z

You have a HUGE number of problems here. I would strongly suggest that the "culture" of his business where he is expected to drink is just about the silliest thing I've heard all day. I was once a part of that culture. You know the best way to not drink? Don't drink. Is he a man? I used to order tonic water or 7-Up, but after awhile I stopped caring what everyone thought of me. I eventually worked for a guy who had been clean and sober for years. It didn't effect his standing in his industry one bit and it helped him keep his wits about him at all times rather than making an a** of himself at company functions.

He has a problem with drinking. Sounds like he's just not that good at it. He needs to man up......... and tell his culture that he isn't drinking anymore. He has a lot to live for... hope he figures it out before he's killed.

Lisa E2007-07-13T22:12:14Z

First, find out if there was a reason he did this. If he's not used to drinking and ended up this way because he over did it ONCE...maybe you can forgive this transgression after letting him know how disappointed you were, and explaining to him that you never want your child to see that again.

Everyone makes mistakes. If this is something he does regularly...he needs to get some help but if this is something he regrets already...DO talk about it, but just let it be a learning experience for him.

Edited in light of added information: I would tell him that you understand his culture, and his usual business ettiquette, but that it's not acceptable in his situation. At 40 years old, he needs to get a grip because he has a family...a beautiful child...and if he can't make them his first priority, then he'll be looking at a future of finding himself alone on the sidewalk because YOU will not expose your child to that, ever again.

lady_phoenix392007-07-13T22:18:35Z

I find it so interesting that you say "Luckily...the country we live in takes a fairly lenient view....and....nothing will happen to him."

So, he gets no LEGAL consequences....are you going to give him some domestic consequences?????

You should NOT have gotten your 3 year old child out of bed and gone to get him; you should have let them take him to jail to dry out and when he sobered up he'd have something to think about. As it is, why shouldn't he do it again, if there is no reason not to, and you're willing to put yourself out to rescue him??

Your husband has a serious problem. I don't even want to discuss what kind of impression the whole incident made on your child. 'Gee, daddy's drunk on the street and mommy's making sure nothing happens to him legally....guess that means it's normal to get drunk and pass out on the street, and for women to ignore serious problems'.

Get the drift? GET HIM SOME HELP or get him out of your house.

Johan W2007-07-13T22:13:28Z

Way too much missing info. Has he done this before? Does he drink quite a bit usually? Was this a rare thing. I almost never drink, but once 4 years ago, I got wasted at a bar and passed out in someone's front lawn. Totally odd occurrence. But based on that single event, someone could decide I'm a lush but they'd be wrong. More info needed to decide.

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