Husband picked up by police for being drunk....how to deal with him now?

You need to understand that this behavior can escalate. You have a little girl to think about. I don't endorse divorcing but I do think that often in situations like this, it is best to be strong.

You have the right to expect him to go to AA meetings. You have a right to expect him to not be found drunk in public. You have a right to not drag your little one out of bed in the wee hours to go pick him up. You might also explain to him that if it happens again, you won't do that to her and the police will have to deal with him.

Be prepared though. If he does not agree to those terms or does not follow through, you may have to separate for his own sake. Sometimes a man has to miss what he is taking for granted, a wonderful wife and a sweet baby girl. Doing this would be a great show of love really. Not doing it, could be helping him to lose everything eventually anyway.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

You have a HUGE number of problems here. I would strongly suggest that the "culture" of his business where he is expected to drink is just about the silliest thing I've heard all day. I was once a part of that culture. You know the best way to not drink? Don't drink. Is he a man? I used to order tonic water or 7-Up, but after awhile I stopped caring what everyone thought of me. I eventually worked for a guy who had been clean and sober for years. It didn't effect his standing in his industry one bit and it helped him keep his wits about him at all times rather than making an a** of himself at company functions.

He has a problem with drinking. Sounds like he's just not that good at it. He needs to man up......... and tell his culture that he isn't drinking anymore. He has a lot to live for... hope he figures it out before he's killed.

First, find out if there was a reason he did this. If he's not used to drinking and ended up this way because he over did it ONCE...maybe you can forgive this transgression after letting him know how disappointed you were, and explaining to him that you never want your child to see that again.

Everyone makes mistakes. If this is something he does regularly...he needs to get some help but if this is something he regrets already...DO talk about it, but just let it be a learning experience for him.

Edited in light of added information: I would tell him that you understand his culture, and his usual business ettiquette, but that it's not acceptable in his situation. At 40 years old, he needs to get a grip because he has a family...a beautiful child...and if he can't make them his first priority, then he'll be looking at a future of finding himself alone on the sidewalk because YOU will not expose your child to that, ever again.

I find it so interesting that you say "Luckily...the country we live in takes a fairly lenient view....and....nothing will happen to him."

So, he gets no LEGAL consequences....are you going to give him some domestic consequences?????

You should NOT have gotten your 3 year old child out of bed and gone to get him; you should have let them take him to jail to dry out and when he sobered up he'd have something to think about. As it is, why shouldn't he do it again, if there is no reason not to, and you're willing to put yourself out to rescue him??

Your husband has a serious problem. I don't even want to discuss what kind of impression the whole incident made on your child. 'Gee, daddy's drunk on the street and mommy's making sure nothing happens to him legally....guess that means it's normal to get drunk and pass out on the street, and for women to ignore serious problems'.

Get the drift? GET HIM SOME HELP or get him out of your house.

Way too much missing info. Has he done this before? Does he drink quite a bit usually? Was this a rare thing. I almost never drink, but once 4 years ago, I got wasted at a bar and passed out in someone's front lawn. Totally odd occurrence. But based on that single event, someone could decide I'm a lush but they'd be wrong. More info needed to decide.

You go to Alanon. My mom has been going for about 30 years, my dad in AA for about the same. In alanon they don't tell you what to do, only what they have been doing. Alanon is for family and loved ones of alcoholics. People who have been where you are and who knows the ropes of how to live with it. You only have 2 well...3 choices. Leave him, but you still need alanon as you picked a drunk out to be your husband. Stay with him and be miserable. Stay with him and go to alanon to see if that makes a difference. I do not have, nor does anyone else, your answers. Give yourself a break and go to a 12 step program with a record of success. There is also ala-teen. Look it up in your local phone book. If you can't find alanon, find AA. AA will know where to find meetings. It's free, and full of mostly women who know what you're going through, because they have or are currently going through the same. Try it. It can't possibly hurt, and it may just save you.

Blessed Be and May Peace Be With You

IYAMACOG is absolutely right.

you should not have gone to get him and you should not have awakened your daughter. he's 40 years old! if he's old enough to get himself drunk and passed out on the sidewalk, then he's old enough to get himself sobered up and his sorry *** back home.

do not waste another minute worrying about him. if he's a drunk, there's nothing you can do for him. he has to do it for himself. and if he's not a drunk and this was a one-time thing, then let it go.

concentrate on being a good mother to your daughter, and partcularly set an example of responsible adult behavior to offset your husband's bad example.

keep an eye on your money and squirrrel away what you can. do whatever you can to make yourself more employable -- get a real estate license, take a class, whatever. you may need to leave one day.

My suggestion is that you feel compassion for your husband and continue treating him in a loving way. Being angry at him will not solve anything; it will just destroy your marriage. If he were drunk every day instead of working, that would be a different story. But you said that he is employed in a white collar job. No one can "get him help", he has to realize that he needs help and seek it himself. Your daughter is watching the way you handle this and she will mimic your behavior. I think you should stop focusing on your own embarassment, be grateful that you have a husband who loves you and provides for you. Until he is humiliated enough by his own behavior, he won't see a need to get help. You can't change someone else's behavior, but you can choose how you respond to it. Try going to Al-Anon meetings.

well being drunk in public is not a crime, police are suppose to transport drunks to their station for their safety and to sober-up. yelling at him at that time probably did you no good since he was out of it. but as soon as he was refreshed you need to let him know how it effected the whole family, because of his selfishness and if you knew in the beginning that he was like this then you definitely have a long road ahead of picking him up from different locations. nip this in the bud before it gets worse.

I'd let him know under no uncertain terms, just like like I let my teenage son know, that if you pull this again, you will be LEFT on the street right where they found you, or they can take you to jail, and you can stay there. I would probably preach to him a little about his responsibilities as a husband and father...and try to get to the bottom of WHY he was doing this. He would know point blank that I would NOT be living a life like this, nor subjecting my baby girl to one like that...so he could SHAPE UP, or GET STEPPIN!