It was Just a FLING, But Now I'm Confused If I've Fallen For Him Or It's Just Lust? Matured answers NEEDED!

Me and this guy live in different states. We met each other few months ago on our vacation to Hawaii. We got involved romantically and yeah... sexually. Everything was great. However, I told him that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and so did he. We remained just friends.

Back to our home, every time I went to his state (where he lives) for business, I'd look him up and we went dinner and partying. We talked everything. He talked about his job, friends and stuffs. We always have endless conversation. However, we never really discussed anything like boy/girlfriend, relationship and stuffs. But, we do look like lovers.

He's a very shy guy. He's emotional guy but he never wants to show it. He's caring and he's like a sugar daddy. I know very well that he's happy being with me. I always make him smile and feel good about himself.

2007-08-30T09:50:56Z

He's a 41 year old divorced guy, while I am only 26. While we were together each time, I could see him care for me in a very subtle and hidden way. When my other male friends call me and text me up, he’d get a little jealous. He never texts nor calls me at all. But when I text/call him, he’ll get very excited and happy.

I hope our relationship could be a happy fling. No pressure and no string attached. Just enjoy each other’s companionship. The sex is great. He is hot. However, deep down, I feel like this is not what he wants and is looking for cuz he’s not really excited to want to see me even though he likes and enjoys my company (I am sure of it)

I find him very intriguing. Guys like him definitely keep me interested and yeah... keep me. Now I find myself thinking about him a lot. I kinda miss him a lot.
I don’t know if I have fallen for him or it is just a lust? Cuz he’s really a hottie.

2007-08-30T09:51:50Z

I just texted him and he didn’t reply. He usually replies my texts. I dunno...
What should I do?

2007-08-30T10:02:10Z

He is a divorced for sure.

we looked like lovers meant we held hands, we cuddled stuffs like that

2007-08-30T10:03:39Z

people, don't be mean pls. There's nothing wrong for just wanting a fling. that's my right. My question is that.. I'm afraid that i've fallen for him. If so, something needs to be done.

2007-08-30T10:27:24Z

Spelling nazi- you're mean.

Note to ya'll. I'm not a s lut, else I wouldn't even bother asking and I do respect myself.

yoak2007-08-30T10:45:58Z

Favorite Answer

Hi Cutie,

this is going to sound harsh, but you should stop texting him. Give yourself a break from this pattern. It will force him to seek you out and contact you.

If he truly is attracted to you, wants more than a fling and the occasional dinner and evening out, he needs to communicate this. It seems he is not wanting to force boundaries, since you live in separate states.

During one of your conversations, when this plan works and he calls you and asks you out, mention to him how much you have enjoyed your time together and if he missed you when you stopped texting him. What is his response?

Tell him about the other guys that text and call you, and how you enjoy that contact, that affection. Let him know it is important to you. If he is concerned with your needs, he will talk with you about it.

I don't know much more about your situation than what you wrote here. But it seems you are both hesitant to discuss something that is frequently on your mind(s).

Be confident. Know what you want and achieve it. A truly mature and stable man will be drawn to your confidence.

good luck ~

20

daryl2007-08-31T00:14:19Z

I am happy for you having love in mind ,lustful happiness is blissful. Keeping in perspective is maturity.
He being divorced and 41 may contribute to some uncertainty of his nature falling in love again. Not responding to text or making some forward response is worrying. It maybe a feeling of commitment. If you reassure him of friendship or sexual needs/wants from your point of view then airing feelings is healthy. It maybe a consideration for a thought along a long term process of equal friendship b4 yous decide to take it further. It is up to both on beliefs and hopeful engagement.

Adult sexual needs can be simple or complex I sense a little infatuation.. On his behalf if me appreciate being admired the experience and Yes would not shun a text/ phone contact etc.. away. The age difference sure is open but you are adults... Appreciate your own nurturing needs and stay in a healthy environment, air your feelings to intermediate trustworthy friend ask MUM ! if its suitable...hope that's OK.

00

artist-oranit.com.2007-08-30T17:03:18Z

There are a few aspects to this relationship. It looks like he is financing you in a sense that he is, as you said it :"keeping you". Of course, it depends to what extent. Does he pay your rent? Does he cover your bills? Does he send cash to your bank accounts? Or does he pay per date?
If he regards you as a kept lady, then for him it's on a very shallow level, and even if he likes you quite a bit, you may not be the only one he is dating, especially if you live in a different state then him. You can't be totally sure.
The other aspect is that you seem to be falling for him, and that might not be good for you. I suggest you make sure and be totally honest with yourself as to what you want from this relationship and this man, so you won't get hurt.

20

califababy252007-08-30T17:01:40Z

Theres love between the both of you, even if its just as lovers you guys care for one another. Just remember that he doesnt want anything serious and just have fun together and when your ready for a serious relationship talk to him and let him know how your feeling. Hope fully he'll feel the same way and you can accually have a real relationship and not a broken heart........GOOD LUCK!

10

Anonymous2007-08-30T17:02:50Z

You hooked up with him on vacation, he never calls, never talks about a relationship, and you consider him a "sugar daddy". Top that off with the fact that you look him up and hook up every time you go where he lives. Of course he's not ready for a relationship. He's getting everything he wants with none of the responsibility.

Sweetie, wake up. You're using him and he's using you. You get money, gifts, nights out, whatever. He gets sex when he wants it and arm candy to show off. You're a boost to his ego because he's in his 40's and has someone in their 20's on his arm. Are you positive he's not still married?

Have some respect for yourself and find a real relationship. Stop using people and allowing yourself to be used. I wish you luck.

21
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