Should I get him a tombstone?

Question

A friend of mine was killed in an accident 12 years ago (his funeral was actually 12 years ago today), and every year around this time (except 2), I have driven to the town where he's buried to visit him.  While a certain delay in getting a tombstone is absolutely expected, 12 years seems a bit much.  After the first 2 or 3 years, the metal marker from the funeral home had faded to nothing, so I got him another.  A few years after that, another.  About 4 years ago, another (this one pretty good quality, glass in the front, the paper inside laminated to protect it from the elements.)  Today when I got there, all that was left of my good-quality marker was the laminated paper part stuck to some wire.  

His parents, as far as I know, are still living.  His sister, as far as I know, is still living.  But 12 years later, nothing.  While I would obviously check into the legality of the situation first, would it be appropriate for a non-family member to purchase an inexpensive marker?

goodkharma333 · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, it is more appropriate for a non-relative to purchase a tombstone than it is to wait years for a family member to do it (obviously that is NOT going to happen) - you cared alot for this person - if you can afford it, buy one - no one wants to be in the poor grave that has only a metal marker.  When the marker fades and is gone, and you are gone too, who will take the time to make sure this person is not forgotten?

Spartan1 · Answer

Yes, I think it would be most appropriate. While maybe his family might not like it or whatever, he was your friend and I definitely would buy him a tombstone. Just to show affection and how meaningful your friendship with him was.

jkc · Answer

Yes get it!  His family will probably never know, because it would seem, that they aren't visiting the grave anyway.  And if they do, they should be grateful that someone cares so much.

Anonymous · Answer

Buy the marker.  What's the worst the family can do?  Replace it?

alishanew602 · Answer

Do what ever makes you feel good about yourself. He obviously meant something special to you or you would not be making the trips to visit his grave every year. I would do it.

Should I get him a tombstone?

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