Do i have any "legal rights" regarding how much involvement my ex husbands fiance plays in my sons life
My ex and I share joint custody of our son who lives with me 60% and lives with him 40%.The problem is my exhusband brings his fiance to things i feel should be just between the parents of our child(doctors appts.,school meetings with the teachers regarding our son)I have asked nicely for his fiance to stay home and leave these decisions to my ex and I to handle.Well my exhusband refuses to respect my wishes on this.As the mom do i have any legal rights to say where his fiance can and can't go regarding my son?
Anonymous2007-09-22T18:15:14Z
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Sorry Kathy, but you need to let that jealousy go. It will eat you up until you. You can't regulate his love life and who he is involved with no more than he can do the same to you. Thats his choice.. It's all about how you deal with it now. Cant do anything legally.
I believe that you should think about two things, 1- She is showing that she wants to be involved with your sons life and that's a great thing if you like it or not! There are so many step parents out there who could really careless about the kids involved. 2- You need to think about how your son feels, just maybe he really wants her that involved and you have not really asked him and or he is too scared to tell you and hurt your feelings! Also take in to factor how long your Ex and his fiance have been together, if its been a while then I truly believe she has a right to some things to a limit. The child's health and education should be something she can be involved with because of the fact she most likely love this child like her own! Give her a chance unless you really have a reason not too! *Plus I'm sorry but you know that if and when your are to re-marry you would want your new husband involved with your son in every way! (I know that I do)
If you are this upset about the fiancee being involved, why in the world did you agree to joint custody?
Talk with your attorney. Can't you try for full custody, have child visit dad??? Discuss the legal stuff with your attorney. Laws vary state to state, so it is the only way to get an accurate answer.
But let's face it . . . if child is with dad 40% of the time, then fiancee is going to be very involved. And if it has been decided that this joint custody is what is best for child, then you need to work on accepting it. Get past the jealousy, and do what is best for your child.
After all, if you remarry . . . wouldn't you want your child's stepfather to be present at these things?
It does seem a bit odd that a fiance would go to these types of functions. I can understand school plays or sports related activities, but the things you mention fall a little too close to the comfort zone. I think if your ex husband doesn't respect your wishes though, that you could try to swallow your pride and maybe by killing her with kindness, she won't feel threatened and may back off without anyone having to say anything else.
As a step-mother myself, I feel that you are having hard time accepting that your x has moved on since your relationship and u are using your child as a way to control him, or keep him to yourself. Obviously the step-mother does not have a say into decisions, but having a good relationship with her will help your child tremendously. 40% of the time is significant and she will be a part of that child's life. You need to stop worrying about "your wishes" because they are self involved and have nothing to do with whats best for your child. This child needs to see that all of you get along and are invested in his or her life. A good step-mother would want to be involved as she will be an adult who is responsible for him/her 40% of the time. She can be an asset and you do not have to see her as a threat. She obviously cares about this child too. A child of divorce can use as many people as possible to love and support him or her. I wish my step-children's mother could have been more focused on the children instead of her self. Maybe thats why we won full custody. Think about it.