Do i have any "legal rights" regarding how much involvement my ex husbands fiance plays in my sons life

Sorry Kathy, but you need to let that jealousy go. It will eat you up until you. You can't regulate his love life and who he is involved with no more than he can do the same to you. Thats his choice.. It's all about how you deal with it now. Cant do anything legally.

I believe that you should think about two things,

1- She is showing that she wants to be involved with your sons life and that's a great thing if you like it or not! There are so many step parents out there who could really careless about the kids involved.

2- You need to think about how your son feels, just maybe he really wants her that involved and you have not really asked him and or he is too scared to tell you and hurt your feelings!

Also take in to factor how long your Ex and his fiance have been together, if its been a while then I truly believe she has a right to some things to a limit. The child's health and education should be something she can be involved with because of the fact she most likely love this child like her own! Give her a chance unless you really have a reason not too!

*Plus I'm sorry but you know that if and when your are to re-marry you would want your new husband involved with your son in every way! (I know that I do)

If you are this upset about the fiancee being involved, why in the world did you agree to joint custody?

Talk with your attorney. Can't you try for full custody, have child visit dad??? Discuss the legal stuff with your attorney. Laws vary state to state, so it is the only way to get an accurate answer.

But let's face it . . . if child is with dad 40% of the time, then fiancee is going to be very involved. And if it has been decided that this joint custody is what is best for child, then you need to work on accepting it. Get past the jealousy, and do what is best for your child.

After all, if you remarry . . . wouldn't you want your child's stepfather to be present at these things?

It does seem a bit odd that a fiance would go to these types of functions. I can understand school plays or sports related activities, but the things you mention fall a little too close to the comfort zone. I think if your ex husband doesn't respect your wishes though, that you could try to swallow your pride and maybe by killing her with kindness, she won't feel threatened and may back off without anyone having to say anything else.

As a step-mother myself, I feel that you are having hard time accepting that your x has moved on since your relationship and u are using your child as a way to control him, or keep him to yourself. Obviously the step-mother does not have a say into decisions, but having a good relationship with her will help your child tremendously. 40% of the time is significant and she will be a part of that child's life. You need to stop worrying about "your wishes" because they are self involved and have nothing to do with whats best for your child. This child needs to see that all of you get along and are invested in his or her life. A good step-mother would want to be involved as she will be an adult who is responsible for him/her 40% of the time. She can be an asset and you do not have to see her as a threat. She obviously cares about this child too. A child of divorce can use as many people as possible to love and support him or her. I wish my step-children's mother could have been more focused on the children instead of her self. Maybe thats why we won full custody. Think about it.

Stop the jealousy. Get over the break up. Be glad your ex has found someone who is interested in BOTH of your son's life. It could be a much different scenario if she didn't. Suck up and bust for the sake and well being of your son.

Kathy unfortunetly in a court of law you have NO legal right's to expect this woman to not attend anything to do with your child , in a court of law she has NO legal right's to speak in a court custody hearing , and the court's see her as someone who is just living in the house , they do not recognise her as a parent / step parent , legal guardian , or someone helping to raise your child with your ex spouse.Its like she is invisible to them , but you and I both know she isnt invisible she is real .

You asking your ex to exclude her will only fire him and her up and make her want to be there more just because they know it irks you, sucky as it is , your stuck with her.

I know how you feel I wish my ex husband g/f would go take a flying leap off a large cliff and turn herself into a pancake.

But legally I cant stop her being there for anything.Your going to hit a brick wall now she's in the picture.I feel for you.

Actually no you do not. He has the right to have her there, she can go there with him but as to her making any type of decision then she has none. But you can not stop her from being there. Just be happy that she cares enough to want to be there for morale support. Question is if she is good to your child, would you not want her to be a part of his life?

Of course you do. She is not a parent She has no *rights* at all.

Your son should be taught to be polite and respectful to her as his father's wife, but that's it. Anything to do with care and education is not her concern. Attending concerts, school plays or sports games... of course she should be there. You DO want your son to have a good relationship with her. How you feel shouldn't enter into it.

I would ask your ex to respect your wishes as well. She is not a parent.

You say 'my son'......well in reality it's his son too. Try to think of your son and his well being before you think of your own feelings. He does not need this kind of conflict. If your ex is going to marry this woman, she will be in your son's life to the extent that your ex wants....which will be alot. And NO you do not have any legal rights unless this person would be abusing or hurting your son. Sounds like she is trying to care for him. Think of it as another person who will care for your son....can he have too many people who do this for him in his life?