How can I get myself unconfused ?

Let him and this whole waste of "What ifs" go. 

You have been hurting yourself (and probably your marriage) by hanging onto this unreal dream of who he is and how it might have been with him. It didn't work out because you were not the right woman for him, just as he wasn't the right man for you. He cheated and then left you - that should have been proof enough it was not meant to be. No more communicating unless you want to hurt each other, and the respective spouses. 

Get some counseling. 

I agree that you don't sound confused at all. So you talked to an old love, nothing to feel so "horrible" or "guilty" about, unless you continue and pick up where you left off. That would indeed be horrible, unless you have already decided and acted upon ending your marriage. Things and people do change over many years. Perhaps you are still in love with the person you remember him to be...but this could be a far throw from whom either of you are, today, now. 

Why do you consider yourself confused? What's the nature of your confusion? You don't sound confused, you just sound like you never got over your first love and never had any closure. That's not confusing, it's just unfortunate.