how do i get my step daughter to stop being lazy?
she is 8 and refuses to clean her room despite punishment, she fights about homework and pretends to be dumb, and generally she is a snot help all advice is welcome...frustrated step dad...
she is 8 and refuses to clean her room despite punishment, she fights about homework and pretends to be dumb, and generally she is a snot help all advice is welcome...frustrated step dad...
Josh
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Dr Phil
Taylor
Positive reinforcement is so much more effective than Negative reinforcement in this case.
Since you have punished for stuff she DOES NOT do try rewarding her for things that she does because you ask her to. This is generally easier to say than do.
Before you begin the following sit her down (preferably when she's not in the middle of something...a car ride would be a good place to talk) and DO NOT YELL at her...you want her to be calm and to listen carefully.
Say that there are some things that will change around the house. She has the choice to make the following fun and easy or she can make them a thing that won't be pleasant for her. Put emphasis to tell her that she has the power to decide how she will be treated. Say that things will start fresh and new rules are being enforced. It's a weird thing how most kids will understand that everything can be a "do over"
Make a jar or a storage box where you will put in a penny or a tallying item for every good behavior or good action that occurs. For every 10 or however larger you decide the number of tallying items EARNED she will get a small reward. Make sure to make the rewards something that she will like. For example if she likes dessert make it a privilege NOT a right of hers. For instance for every 10 tallying items/marks earned she gets dessert. Be as strict but don't make it seem like you're a dictator...its probably a very fine line separating the two.
Hoped this helps
Good Luck!!!!
Anonymous
Well first I would let her know who is boss. Be firm with her. At age 8, kids want to push to see how far they can push. Being a step parent, she will constantly push you. Take things away. When my son was 8 he refused to do anything. So his dad and I cleaned out his entire room and left only his bed, dresser and cloths. TV was off limits, and so were video games and snacks. He ate his dinner and went right to his room and stayed there. After a week he came around and started acting better. He is now 15 and makes his bed everyday, cleans his room and even surprises me if I have a lot to do by cleaning the kitchen or living room for me. You have to be firm with them now or they will walk all over you. I have a future step daughter who is 7 and she trys to play me against her dad. It doesn't work because I will put her in time out and I do make her clean up after herself. If she does what I expect her to do, we have craft time together or I let her pick a movie to watch. If not, she doesn't get anything. Do not be afraid to punish her. It doesn't hurt them, it makes them repect you in the long run.
Kellie
Use incentive rather then taking things away. Not only children, but people in general are more likely to do something if there is an incentive to it. But if you take something away there is a rebellious side that says "do what you want because I'm not going to change just because you take things away."
Remember she's 8, your not kissing her but, your teaching her that working hard has its rewards. It doesn't have to be money, it can anything from we'll get an ice cream when you finish that, to if you do your homework and after I check it out and see that it looks okay we can play a game or do something you want to.
It takes alot of effort and energy, children crave attention and right now she's getting it in negative ways. If you can turn it around into a positive thing, I think after she understands that your sincere and follow through with her incentive she'll be eagerly asking what she can do next to earn something.
BreezeGirl
Speak with her mother. You both need to sit down, with your step daughter, and figure out what rules need to be set. Consistancy. Everytime she does something the same punishment needs to be given. Is she listening to her mother and father (if he is in the picture) if so find out what they are doing that you aren't. Good luck!
Also, for the homework problem make sure that she does actually know what she is doing. For all you know she might actually honestly not know how to do her homework. If that is the case then sit down and help her. Don't do it for her, but guide her through it. I'm sure she is not 'dumb' but that doesn't mean she will automatically know what she is doing. She's a kid, kids can't always do things on their own.