check out this peom. Rate it and then tell me what you think.?

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Be careful with poetry.com, because they are a vanity publisher. They will publish anything and give you whatever award they're offering, as long as you give them money.

As for the poem, I not a big fan of the rhyme scheme. I think it has great potential, but I don't think it is the best it could be at this point in time. The rhythm and fluidity of it was a bit shaky.

That being said, my opinion is really not important. As with any kind of art, the important thing is that YOU are happy with it. Mold, and tweek, and refine it until YOU are happy. To Hell with the rest of them! (Including me!)

- I can't tell you how to make it better. I can only tell you how to make it different, or how I would have done it. But I would not have done it the same way you would. Ever see a group of artists paint the same still life of a bowl of fruit? It's all different and personal. Sometimes if I am not happy with a poem I wrote, I start over. I use the same premise and ideas, but instead of changing what I already had, I chuck it all and go back to the beginning.
The hardest part about rhyming poems is making the rhyme not seem forced. (ie, 'tool' and 'school') Sometimes if there is a particular word I want to include and rhyme with, I use a rhyming dictionary. And sometimes, I write down what I want to say, the point I want to get across, and then put it in a rhyming fashion. These tips might work for you, or they might not. But it never hurts to learn a new technique, right? :)...Show more

The poem speaks of laughter in a very powerful way. It talks of the healing that a good laugh brings. I think it has great potential to be an uplifting poem.
The ending fades away.

"You came along with your silly self
and it would all disappear
I could stop
but I don't want your heart to drop
I'll save the rest for chapter two"

It should be strong and convincing. It would be better to eliminate it than end so weakly after your powerful lines in the beginning.

I don't worry about rhymes or not rhymes. I read the poem out loud and it should be smooth as silk when I read it. That is a great way to rewrite: read it over and over and over again.
Keep at it. It is better to have your own web page where you can post your poems. There are even free ones. Those poetry contests, books and websites that look for money play to people's vanity. Don't be taken in by them
Keep writing. Every day is a poem waiting to be expressed....Show more

i agree with trixie
your poem is not for others to make it's yours
and some body is going to read that and say"omg that is so me" so don't change it unless you fell it has to be changed...Show more