I'm asking especially in regards to infant adoption, not adoption from the foster care system where the child has already been seperated from his or her parents. I keep reading answers that say the person would "love" to adopt. Why are people so eager to take a baby from it's mother? This doesn't seem like it should be something someone would be eager and happy to do. Anybody else have thoughts on this?
2007-12-20T05:38:30Z
Well, thanks for all the answers! Unfortunately, I think a lot of you missed the point of my question. I wasn't wondering WHY people adopt, I do understand some couples can't have their own children but still want a family. Nor am I suggesting that adoptive parents are evil, my parents certainly aren't. I'm just wondering why there's a prevailing attitude of JOY at the idea of adopting. It just strikes me as strange, when it means so much loss for that baby. Also, to put the record strait, MY mother DID want me and was coerced into giving me up. That may not always be the case, but it is a great deal of the time. No, she's not a saint, but neither was she a drug addict, or a teenager. She just wasn't given a fair chance simply because of her circumstances.
Robin2007-12-18T11:10:15Z
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OMG! I can't believe so many long standing adoption myths prevail!! For example, the belief that all or even most infants are put up for adoption because their moms don't want them, or are unable to care for them, or are too young. Or that babies aren't taken or coerced from their mothers.
Or that adoption provides poor, unwanted, unloved, neglected babies with a home. Think about that message and how it makes adoptees feel!
How about this idea: Adoption provides an otherwise childless couple with the opportunity to be parents!
Wow! I'm stunned by the lack of awareness of the real reasons infants are relinquished and the total belief in the many myths churned out by the adoption industry. Honestly, I've never referred to it as an "industry", until I see here just how effective all the adoption propaganda is.
Infants have been relinquished for decades out of shame, fear, and the very real lack of financial resources available to women to support their children. They relinquished because they believed they had NO OTHER CHOICE.
For almost all infant adoptions from the '70's back through the '60's, 50's, 40's, etc., infants placed for adoption were most often born to unwed mothers. Their FAMILIES basically demanded that they give up their children. And the mothers complied, not because they didn't want their babies!! Sadly, during those years, society shamed unwed moms and their "bastard" babies. There was no way for a single woman to provide financially for her child. At the time, the women's movement hadn't happened, or at best, it was in it's early stages.
I was taken away from my birth mother because she was "living with a man to whom she was not married." She made $30 per week and paid $20 per week to my babysitter. This information came from court documents. Eventually social services told her she'd never have custody of me again, but could relinquish me for adoption. There were no allegations of abuse or neglect in the records. She was married. Her husband had abandoned her.
People go to other countries for a variety of reasons. To avoid more restrictive adoptions laws established in this country, to avoid the long wait for a healthy infant, to avoid having to worry about potential future contact with the birth family; because they believe infants will have fewer issues that require special care (issues that older children available in foster care will likely have). And they can fulfill their need to feel that they are "rescuing" a child from a life of poverty. Of course, they're adopting infants. The older children are left behind in that life of poverty. But they're "rescuing" an infant. Isn't that great!
Today, there is far less stigma in being a single parent and women have the ability to support themselves and their children. Because of this, there are fewer infants available for adoption in the US.
Check out the following link regarding adoption practices in the early years: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennessee_Children's_Home_Society Or read the experiences of birth mothers at: http://www.cubirthparents.org/
PS Not all adoptive parents are wonderful, happy people. Adoptees, like bio-children, end up in dysfunctional homes too. I know because I did!
PSS There are loving, open adoptive parents, too. I've met some of you in this forum. So please know, the concerns I've expressed here are not directed to you.
I think people are eager to adopt because they want children and can't have them. I, on the other hand, would not mind adopting because I know what can happen to a child in the foster care system. They can easily be emotionally and physically abused just because they are not the parents "blood" child. I would adopt just so that I could make a difference in the life of a child who might otherwise suffer needlessly...not to take the child from its parents.
While there are some that have the genuine desire to help a needy child, there are many others who are in it for the sole purpose or "curing" their infertility. They think they are entitled to a child. They think its their right to have a child. Well, I have a child I raise and I have another I placed for adoption. Being able to parent a child is a privelege, not a right.
I also want to add that a VAST majority of adoptions take place because the mother feels she is unable to provide for them. It has NOTHING to do with not wanting them. Contrary to popular myth, not all natural mothers are teenagers or drug addicts. Keep in mind that those type of women often get their children taken from them. They rarely relinquish willingly. Some people should educate themselves before they open their mouths.
MAUREEN- So, relinquishing our children to give them better lives strips us of being a "mother"? Does that make us less human than you, the wonderful adoptive MOM who feels she deserves a baby? News flash, we will always be their MOTHER. We loved them enough to give them what we could not. We are not simply the women who gave birth to them. We wanted our children (most of us anyway), but we knew they would have a better quality of life if they were raised by someone else. It has nothing to do with not wanting or not loving them.
I think that more women today are considering whether the health risk of carrying and delivering a baby is really worth it. Especially when there are so many children that need a home already. The world is overpopulated so I guess people find it more practical to adopt.
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