Why are some people so eager to adopt?

OMG! I can't believe so many long standing adoption myths prevail!! For example, the belief that all or even most infants are put up for adoption because their moms don't want them, or are unable to care for them, or are too young. Or that babies aren't taken or coerced from their mothers.

Or that adoption provides poor, unwanted, unloved, neglected babies with a home. Think about that message and how it makes adoptees feel!

How about this idea: Adoption provides an otherwise childless couple with the opportunity to be parents!

Wow! I'm stunned by the lack of awareness of the real reasons infants are relinquished and the total belief in the many myths churned out by the adoption industry. Honestly, I've never referred to it as an "industry", until I see here just how effective all the adoption propaganda is.

Infants have been relinquished for decades out of shame, fear, and the very real lack of financial resources available to women to support their children. They relinquished because they believed they had NO OTHER CHOICE.

For almost all infant adoptions from the '70's back through the '60's, 50's, 40's, etc., infants placed for adoption were most often born to unwed mothers. Their FAMILIES basically demanded that they give up their children. And the mothers complied, not because they didn't want their babies!! Sadly, during those years, society shamed unwed moms and their "bastard" babies. There was no way for a single woman to provide financially for her child. At the time, the women's movement hadn't happened, or at best, it was in it's early stages.

I was taken away from my birth mother because she was "living with a man to whom she was not married." She made $30 per week and paid $20 per week to my babysitter. This information came from court documents. Eventually social services told her she'd never have custody of me again, but could relinquish me for adoption. There were no allegations of abuse or neglect in the records. She was married. Her husband had abandoned her.

People go to other countries for a variety of reasons. To avoid more restrictive adoptions laws established in this country, to avoid the long wait for a healthy infant, to avoid having to worry about potential future contact with the birth family; because they believe infants will have fewer issues that require special care (issues that older children available in foster care will likely have). And they can fulfill their need to feel that they are "rescuing" a child from a life of poverty. Of course, they're adopting infants. The older children are left behind in that life of poverty. But they're "rescuing" an infant. Isn't that great!

Today, there is far less stigma in being a single parent and women have the ability to support themselves and their children. Because of this, there are fewer infants available for adoption in the US.

Check out the following link regarding adoption practices in the early years:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tennessee_Children's_...

Or read the experiences of birth mothers at:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

PS Not all adoptive parents are wonderful, happy people. Adoptees, like bio-children, end up in dysfunctional homes too. I know because I did!

PSS There are loving, open adoptive parents, too. I've met some of you in this forum. So please know, the concerns I've expressed here are not directed to you.

I think people are eager to adopt because they want children and can't have them. I, on the other hand, would not mind adopting because I know what can happen to a child in the foster care system. They can easily be emotionally and physically abused just because they are not the parents "blood" child. I would adopt just so that I could make a difference in the life of a child who might otherwise suffer needlessly...not to take the child from its parents.

Hope this helps.

While there are some that have the genuine desire to help a needy child, there are many others who are in it for the sole purpose or "curing" their infertility. They think they are entitled to a child. They think its their right to have a child. Well, I have a child I raise and I have another I placed for adoption. Being able to parent a child is a privelege, not a right.

I also want to add that a VAST majority of adoptions take place because the mother feels she is unable to provide for them. It has NOTHING to do with not wanting them. Contrary to popular myth, not all natural mothers are teenagers or drug addicts. Keep in mind that those type of women often get their children taken from them. They rarely relinquish willingly. Some people should educate themselves before they open their mouths.

MAUREEN-

So, relinquishing our children to give them better lives strips us of being a "mother"? Does that make us less human than you, the wonderful adoptive MOM who feels she deserves a baby? News flash, we will always be their MOTHER. We loved them enough to give them what we could not. We are not simply the women who gave birth to them. We wanted our children (most of us anyway), but we knew they would have a better quality of life if they were raised by someone else. It has nothing to do with not wanting or not loving them.

I think that more women today are considering whether the health risk of carrying and delivering a baby is really worth it. Especially when there are so many children that need a home already. The world is overpopulated so I guess people find it more practical to adopt.

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In regards to infant adoption, there is just something about a baby that people fall in love with. I think people like to be able to watch them right from the begging. Adoptive parents also want to go through the different stages. Let’s face it a lot of people complain about changing soiled diapers, having to get up 3 times a night, or stay up all night with a sick baby. Those are things adoptive parents want to experience even more if they have not had any children before. They want to see their baby attempt his first steps, say his first word. See the baby take his first wobble steps. Be able to see the baby grow and develop into a toddler, child etc. They want to start a bond from as young as possible, I do realize that some adoptees never completely bond with their adoptive parents no matter how young they were, but again not always the case.

Will I deny that some women aren’t coerced or even pressured by family? No because it happens. However that is not always the case some birthmothers can not provide for their baby, or they don’t want their baby, can you force someone to parent if they truly don’t want to? No. It does happen not the case for all women but some. Since private adoption pays so well there are some woman who have babies just to make a profit. You have some babies whom have already been surrendered or just abandoned, as happened to my friend adoptive Chinese daughter, her birthparents just left her in a park. They even have a program where a birthparent can take her baby to a hospital or fire station no questions asked. The baby is surrendered, there are birthmothers who do this, it was started to discourage them from dumping their baby in the rubbish bin.

I know in the 70’s and back you saw more women /girls give up because they were not married or they were teenagers. Adoption was the only thing they were allowed to do, they weren't given an option. But now we are less then 2 weeks from 2008. There is information out there for people. If a mother (or even father) is poor but wants to parent she can get online and look for organization that will help her, programs etc, look into single parent housing. With all the different types of families today being a single parent or even unmarried to your baby’s father or mother, should not be frowned on.

A woman can look into her options do research on the internet if she doesn’t have it at home she can go to her public library and use it for free. She can talk to a counselor not from an adoption agency but someone who is fully unbiased a person that is not going to encourage her to parent or place for adoption but instead will just go over her options, what she can do to help herself if she wants to parent. Help her find organization/programs get more information. Help her find a job if she does not have one etc. Or if she decided to place for adoption help her find pre and post placement counseling with someone who has dealt with counseling someone who has given up their birthchild. There are just so many ways for someone to be educated on their options they just have to do their research.

I think the answer to your question is that most people are focused on themselves. A couple that adopts an infant may focus more on their life as a new family than on the loss that occurred to make that family.

Nevertheless, Bestadvicechick has a good point. Adoption loss does not mean adoptive parents are bad and natural parents are good. Life is much more complicated than that.

*sigh* it isn't taking a baby from it's mother, didn't ya know? It is saving a child from a life of misery at the hands of an addicted street walker... *groans*

People have misconceptions (pun intended) when it comes to the reason's for children being available to adopt. Until they understand the coercive tactics that are all too often used they will continue to see adoption as "saving a baby".

Because in the 1950s, the propaganda was that the perfect family unit was a mom, dad, daughter, and son, with the mother being the housewife, the father being the breadwinner, and the children being innocent and in need of protection from reality

I think many people can't seem to come to terms with their infertility. The women are sad, and the husbands give in to 'cure' the sadness. Sorta like self-medicating. It hurts, make it go away.

Or they want to be seen as a hero/martyr/'rescuer'. If you say, "I've always wanted to adopt", people will fawn all over you for 'doing the right thing'. You don't even have to go through it--they can get good will mileage just from saying it out loud.

They don't think or care about the mother. She's a means to an end. They make nice to her, only to get what she's GOT, then she's some poor fool who 'knew what her child needed'.

I guess life just isn't worth living without a trip to Disney World and a Chevy Suburban.