My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years?
At the time we both agreed that we didn't want children. We were/are young ( 21 and 26) but I am starting to think I might one day want a child. We talk about it often and he doesn't say he is dead against it, but I wonder if it is just because I say that if we have children I want it to be by the time I am 30.
He had a baby brother come into his life when he was 13 years old and that is what has made him not want chidlren. I am still unsure myself, but I just can't imagine going on without knowing someone will be there to care for us and to make our lives worth while.
I was wondering if anyone can offer any advice on how to deal with this situation? How do I know if I really want children? How do I know if my husband does? How do I stop this feeling that something is missing?
2008-01-01T17:49:39Z
But i am not positive I want children! I just feel like I might one day.
Anonymous2008-01-01T17:52:54Z
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Ask him strait out (and get a strait answer) if he wants children. Children are wonderful, and although the first couple of years may not be exactly "The Best Time You've Ever Had" it is a great experiece for a parent to have a child. Also, make it clear to him that his opinion wouldn't hurt your feeling so that he would give you a truthful answer, and if he says that he wants a child, and really doesn't, that means he loves you enough to have a child with you and it would work. Don't forget that a child is hardwork, and needs lots of care, love, and attention, but they are fun and it is worth having a child in the end. A nice serious chat with your husband with level heads might just clear everything up with how he feels, what might be missing, and might even tell you what your feelings are toward the subject.
Since you're quite young, and still newlyweds, you can simply table it for a few years.
If it's still an issue in two or three years, seek counseling. There are many talented marriage counselors out there that can help you work through this issue.
But for now, I might try to put it out of my mind. It sounds like neither of you are ready, and are still enjoying your new life together. Nothing wrong with that - and nothing unusual in a younger man not being ready to become a parent at 26.
Desiring a child for what you can get out of it is a very selfish reason to have a child. You must realize from the very beginning that having children means continual giving and sacrifice on your part and the part of your husband. And if your child grows up and is able (and desires) to look after you that is great, but you can't be assured of anything. You should want to have a child, not for what that child can do for you, but for what you can do for the child, i.e. bring him/her up to be a caring responsible person who can make a difference in the world.
Only you have the answers to all those questions. But if you and your husband are in disagreement about what you want in the future it could be a problem. And make sure that this question isn't being fueled by the fact that your husband is dead set against it. Good luck!
Have you considered going to a therapist, either with or without your husband. It might help to work through some of these issues you are having that are causing such confusion and turmoil. It also might help to strengthen your marriage and marital goals together.