we all have had them, the nasty rude comments from people that dont know you or your biological parents. they make assumptions and share their uneducated 'advice'
so what is the worst things you have heard about yourself and your adoption?
2008-01-17T06:39:15Z
mine would be the kids at school taunting me about being a 'throw away baby' or 'unwanted' or worse
the other is my brother in law telling me i shoud be paying my parents at least $1000 a month for "taking me in and giving me a home when i had nowhere else to go"
i didnt know we were supposed to pay retribution for someone elses decision. huh, guess i missed that memo
2008-01-18T13:14:08Z
joslin-i was shocked by your answer. with your work in the adoption industry i would have assumed you would understand the importence of sharing even the negative. anyone in this forum that knows me at all, knows i am definitely do not harbor any ill feelings of my adoption. i tell my happy story openly. but the need to feel you are not the only person brunting such remarks is real. i now know that i am not the only person to endure the pain of others ignorance. as for you questioning the intelligence of the rest of us in this forum, well everyone has an opinion. i may not hold a degree such as yours, but i do ok for myself. i just cant believe you would resort to such tactics. i have always held you in high regard here for your honest and senstive answers. but maybe you are not as highly educated in all aspects of adoption, the stabbing remarks are real, and maybe sharing our pain together will help us cope.
2008-01-18T13:40:00Z
I THINK THIS QUESTION IS BEING TAKEN THE WRONG WAY! i do NOT want to spread any negative feelings about adoption. there is enough of that already. this question was for ME. i needed to feel that i was not the only one to be on the receiving end of such hurtful remarks. it was a way for me to hear from others that have had the same experiences. so it would help me, maybe it was selfish. if so i honestly do apologize. i am happy and comfortable with being adopted, it is the thought process that anyone can say whatever they want to an adoptee. it leaves its scars. i was looking for some 'group therapy' i guess. i wanted to hear i was not the only one. if this offends, im sorry, i just needed this for my own piece of mind.
kaluah962008-01-17T08:40:53Z
Favorite Answer
1. my mother used to make me pick my nephew up from school and one day my nephew called me his slave (my entire family is white i am korean/? black) instead of my mothe telling him that that was wrong of him to say she said well technically you are.
2. My mother on new years said "oh well we can make you the maid" when she said that my sisters and the girl across the street all looked alike and i asked her what about me.
3. i was told that i was adopted when i was 12 and when i turned 13 she sent me to military school but before that she asked me if i wanted another family and i didn't even do anything wrong.
4. the kids at school picked on me for not knowing i was adopted but i had asked and was lied to. (that hurt a lot)
5. i never get to spend christmas with my a family they said there wasn't enough room but i got christmas eve. ( after last christmas i basically told them to go screw themselves)
6. i have had a black person ask me why i wanted to be one of them so bad. just because i was adopted and i look black doesn't mean i am so why do i feel like i have that right to claim it? (as if i don't have enough issues with not knowing what race i am but i can promise you in the south they see me as black.)
Adopted a dachshund/spitz mix 2 weeks ago, loving every second of it and so is he =] He was a full time outside dog =[ dont know how u could do that to a 12 lb dog but whatever. and they gave him to the humane society bc they "didnt have enough time to spend with him" they said they spent no time training him whatsoever. So It was love at first sight when I meet him although i was hesitant, the first day he bit me when i picked him up and I was getting very discouraged! but then I realized he needed time like all living things he had just been thrust out of his home had to adapt to shelter life and then 2 days after that had major surgery (being nuetered) then came to my house! Id be a little ticked off too..and very unsure and most likely have abandonment issues. Well he doesnt have to worry about that anymore =] He's with me now. Im home almost 24/7 except on the weekends to be with him so he gets oodles and oodles of attention and is soaking up every minute of being an inside ONLY dog. He LOVES walks, and needs to be socialized with other dogs (was waiting until he recovered from the surgery) but all in due time. He's very obedient, the smartest dog Ive EVER owned and I can tell finally feels loved and accepted he loves us so much! He just needed some time put into him and he's doing great (now for the socializing!) But he's learned his name, sit, come here, sit pretty next to mommy, go down/up the stairs (without being a chicken lol) so far and thats only 2 weeks. Love him to death I will ALWAYS adopt. It breaks my heart wondering how somebody could just give him up he's the cutest thing ever, he's changed my life for the better, and my health also, since he's my motivation and now I HAVE to go on a walk everyday. no excuses!! have a good day.
I don't have too many negative incidents like some of you as I never took things too personally. I know that my mom would joke to me that my brother asked when they were sending me back after about a week being adopted. He was also adopted & younger than I but had been adopted before me as an infant. I never really took offense to that as I am still here.
Then in 6th grade we were watching a movie (forgot which one...possibly Annie) where some kid made fun of the adoptee & all the kids in my class looked at me to see how I reacted...I looked at them like, 'what the f' are you looking at' & told them I didn't care.
I've been told a couple times to go back where I came from but that's not due to being adopted, lol. Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with too much negativity from others but more so in how I coped with it inside. My parents adopted two brothers & they each had major cleft palets & I was 5 so I know they did it because they wanted children but also because they wanted to help a child less fortunate. They could have adopted perfectly healthy babes but instead they adopted ones with 'issues'.
I dare somebody to tell me to my face that I am less than them because I'm adopted...they should know better!
I am from the other side of this issue, we adopted through the foster care system.
Before the adoption, we had several friends and family "advise" us not to adopt a foster child, implying that the child(ren) would be "damaged" somehow. One tried, several times, to get us to adopt from China, others just generally showed a real lack of support for the idea. This is contrasted with what happened when another family member adopted privately several years ago; in that case, the family all rallied around. But, when we were going through the process, all we got was "are you sure?" (I am glad to say that ALL of them now feel differently and there is no doubt from anyone.)
Since the adoption, when we tell people we adopted, almost every time, the first question is "where are they from?". It is very sad that everyone assume an international adoption.
Edit -
kaluah96, I was very sad to read your story. I think it is horrible for you to grow up in such a home. Be assured, we will never say such things to our adopted sons.
While not an adoptee but a mother I can tell you some of the really truthfully hurtful things my daughter has heard. First I was the woman who slept with a married man who went back to his wife .(not even close to true) She was told by her amom that you only get one mother in life and that she was it . (Gee and I thought I was the one who gave birth to her) She has variously been told to be grateful she wasn't aborted (the thought never crossed my mind btw abortion and adoption do not equate they are apples and oranges) She was also told I had "addiction problems" (also not true) Then she heard all the lies her father told about me. Yes my lovely, and loving daughter has been subjected to many of the same words you all have. I along with Magic Pointe have also been subjected to horrible comments on my blog (s) and have been called among other things a crack whore (there was no crack in 1984) and an alcoholic/whore. Nice words for all of us aren't they? Even when an adoptee asks a simple question and she has a good story for herself she gets slammed here. What is wrong with this picture? Why can't we all try to learn from each other? *sigh* sorry it just bothers me so much that people don't "get this"