My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and he has changed so much but I'm?

not sure when it happened. He was kind, polite, a good dad (he had a son from a previous relationship), and just a good man in general. We started having kids and life went on.
Fast forward to now. I'm constantly concerned that he's going to take something wrong and over react and go sulk... some times for days. He'll take it out on the kids and before anyone freaks I just mean he is more likely to be annoyed at loud noises that 3 boys are going to make. I haven't been able to talk about anything like we used to for fear that he will over react once again and go on his pity party rant. "I guess I just can't make my family happy, I just can't do anything right" blah blah blah. I get so pissed off but I can't react, because of the drama that will follow. My children need a steady home but with only one parent trying I know I'm not even giving them a good example. I want to know if anyone else has dealt with this, or anything similar, and how they were able to handle it.
Thanx

2008-01-17T07:52:11Z

I know that health is a concern. He's diabetic and in denial (in my opinion) He goes through the motions and I think most of it is because I'm watching. If I have to be a nag about meds so be it. Too many people I know and love have had complications with diabetes.
That is literally the only nagging I do. I've holed up otherwise. So much so that for awhile last year i was seeing someone for depression. Hubby went to the last few sessions and knew exactly what to say. He gave just the right answers, but I know him well enough I could see through it. He get's this look on his face when he's b.s.-ing I don't know how to explain it, but things went right back to where they were after we got home.
What's the point?

2008-01-17T08:23:21Z

DJ and everyone I think you have some good ideas. We don't have a lot of time alone together... in any context. It's not on purpose there is just a ton going on. Between him driving an hour to and from work, me in training for my new job, the boys school stuff, homework, regular house up keep. There just isn't a ton of time. I know things will settle down, but keeping things cool until then is hard. I want to throw something at him half the time. You know what's so funny... with ANYONE else I can hold my own. Backbone of steel my sister calls it, but with him nada... I've got nothing. I hate that!!
Ok I can't remember who it was that was talking about the financial. I have been on my own before I met him I'm not concerned about making money. My problem is this started out as me trying to help and my concern is that I may have fed into certain things unknowingly.
UGH!!!

Anonymous2008-01-17T07:42:17Z

Favorite Answer

You have to look at the bigger picture. If he is snappy could it be that he is stressed or worried about something at work, or healthwise? He may hate his job, or be ill and not tell you. Look at all possibilities and do not think it is you at fault.

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Anonymous2008-01-17T15:47:12Z

Assuming your husband won't slap you around for aksing him a question. Then you should get rid of the kids for a few hours and sit him down and ask him what the problem is because he's got you on pins and needles and you're tired of wondering what you or the kids are going to do wrong next. If he can't give you a good answer then tell him to pull the stick out of his *** and start acting like the man you married or the marrage will suffer more then it already has. Tell him he has children and as a father he needs to get off the damn pitty pot and man up and lead the family and be strong. He owes you and the kids a minimum of that. Grow up!

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FairysnAngels2008-01-17T15:47:20Z

Like with any man they take you for granted and get comfortable in there surroundings and assume you will always be there so feel that they can act this way....but at the end of the day it is making you unhappy and you shouldn't live like that.

Try arranging a day out as a family or getting someone to babysit and having your own time together. You need that every now and again to spice things up....after 10 years things can become a bit stale and need reviving. Let him know that he is loved and needed and he may feel happier.

Don't rise to his tantrums....let him have his sulk. Some men need to have there own time in their head.....if they have problems or are stressed they need to go to this quiet place to resolve things and then 9 times out of 10 they will come out of it on there own and generally be a lot happier.
Once a man in his his quiet time if he is interrupted and his quiet time is broken it will make him more worse than he was when he first went into it.

Unfortuanately most men are the same but not all us women are angels either. Unlike men we need reassurance and comfort when we are stressed most men like to be left alone to deal with it. Good luck x x

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DJ2008-01-17T16:06:14Z

I don't know but it sounds like he's really stressed out about something that he's not telling anyone about. Maybe he needs to have a little vacation alone, so he can put things in perspective you know? he'll probably come back more appreciative for all of you. Or maybe stop feeding into his frustration, and try to ignore him. I know it'll be tough at first but he'll be okay, and so will you. The time will pass and he'll see that you're not giving him all of that attention, and then he'll see he needs to be nice to receive the attention. Does he feel that you two don't have enough intimate together, and he wants your focus to be all on him sometimes?? He might just want some big time affection, and he doesn't want to cheat, and won't cheat, and it's frustrating the mess out of him, and he's always irritated??? What do you think??

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Orla C2008-01-17T15:51:34Z

Oh, I hate the pity rant! My mother does it all the time! Where do people learn to do this stupid and upsetting emotional blackmail thing, and why on earth do they think it will help a situation?

If they aren't part of the solution they're part of the problem.

I think you're husband hates the fact that you're not exclusively HIS anymore, and resents the children for this. He might be trying to tell you he's feeling left out in some way. My suggestion is to talk to a relationship counsellor and see if you can find the root of the problem, and once you know why he does this, then you can look at the issues behind this behaviour.

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