taking responsibility?

Favorite Answer

Wow...I'm not quite sure I understand your question. It seems that you might actually have 2?

One is; how can we change the mindset that PPL have about buying & selling babies? That's a great question! I'm not sure what the answer is. This issue seems like a freight train rolling downhill without brakes. With IVF, donated sperm, eggs, embryos, and no concern for ethics, the future, or the kids who will one day live with the "brave new world" adults are deciding upon for them today...who will take responsibility? The kids will have to live with the decisions their "parents" have made. These children will need to take DNA tests & carry DNA profiles cards (to be sure they aren't related to their prom dates).

The other question: Making a serious effort to keep children with their biological families & teaching responsibility starts at home. There is no better teacher than teaching by example. When we take responsibility for our actions, we teach our children to take responsibility for their own.

We have a far greater influence on our kids than presidents, who, quiet frankly, kids don't pay much attention to. We have more to worry about with our children watching Lindsey Lohan & Britney Spears. So hold up these stars as examples....of what NOT to do!

I read The Girls Who Went Away. And for those of you too young to remember, in the 40's, 50's 60's & early 70's, women had almost no way of earning a living. They often had no way to support themselves or their children. So when their parents told them, "Don't come home with that baby!", they knew they had no place to go. There was no welfare, or when there was, many were not told about it.

Society failed these young women, and we are still failing our kids today by failing to teach meaningful sex education to our children. Not just how pregnancy happens, or how to avoid it. But also the emotional & financial consequences of becoming sexually active before they're ready. And the full range of potential consequences, not just pregnancy. STD's, birth control failure rates, etc. Not "Just say no", but "How to say no". I wish someone had taught me these things.

Still, we don't talk to our kids. Why? Because our grandmothers were too embarrassed to tell our moms. Our moms were too embarrassed to talk to us. We may have been reluctant to openly talk to our children, still feeling "shame" about the whole issue of sex.

Prior to 1940, homes for unwed mothers taught moms how to take care of their babies & provided them with job skills so they could minimally support themselves & their babies.

I had my daughter 6 weeks after my 17th birthday. Her dad & I married. I didn't know that we were part of a changing tide of people who decided to turn away from adoption & chose instead to keep our children. In 1970, 80% of the unwed mom relinquished their children. By 1983, only 4% did.

We must take responsibility for our children, and raise them to be responsible for their actions. Many parents today shield their kids from the consequences of their own bad behavior. They blame teachers, neighbors, other kids. In doing so, they are not helping their kids grow into responsible adults.

BTW: If my daughter had come home pregnant, I would have done everything in my power to help her become a responsible parent. I would stress the need to help each other - we are family after all. Remind her of my responsibility to her sibling(s). Help her find resources to support her in her success. And we would find a way to get through! I managed when she was a baby and nothing could be harder than that was.

I would hope to NEVER lose my grandchild to adoption.
We can never regain the years lost to adoption...

Good question...

ETA: PPL have BEEN preaching abstinence (hasn't worked so far) and birth control fails (it did for me). Which is why I believe we need to "preach" or TEACH more than "just say no" and/or hand out condoms. When fully informed, many may decide to wait.

As for other PPL's daughters, I cannot answer whether or not they would stick around to care for their child. I can only answer this question with my daughter in mind, who I do know. I would do everything in my power to help her keep her child. Knowing her as I do, she would (have) made a great mom had she been faced with an unplanned pregnancy at a young age....Show more

Sister, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You really need to get yourself a blog.

As far as an answer to your question, whether or not you offered to help you daughter with her baby is up to you. I know that when my step sister became pregnant at nineteen, she was told she would need to leave home the minute her baby arrived. Of course, then he actually did arrive and he was beautiful and sweet and soft and full of baby love and my dad and step mom knew there was no way they would turn him onto the streets simply because he didn't have a daddy.
My step sister and her son have not had an easy life but they also did not stay at my dad's house forever. they got their own place when has three and have been on their own since. She works two jobs and she works hard but they own their home and they have a life together.
Helping is not the same as rescuing or not letting your child take responsibility for their actions. My step sister has become very responsible since having her son. But she needed some help in the beginning to get her there....Show more

I'm all for better, well-rounded sex ed that really covers the topics. But, unexpected pregnancies do happen. If my daughter had an unexpected pregnancy, I wouldn't take on the baby. I would, however, give my daughter a "hand up" to get the skills necessary for her to independently raise her child. This would mean a lot of work for her, but having children is a lot of work for anyone who has them, no matter what age. My grandmother got pregnant with my mom at age 15 (in 1945.) That's what her parents did. When my mom was 5, my grandmother ended up marrying my grandfather, with whom she had a happy life until her death in 1999....Show more

Great Question:
There is an assumption by the answerers, that your daughter "if she had a baby " would stick around and take care of it. That she would grow into a parent and begin to care for her child.

Some people just aren't wired like that. Some just flat out refuse to parent.

You can preach, explain the importance, nag, insist, but you can not make a person use birth control if they are not willing.

I have seen several women in this situation, still have kids of thier own at home, and one who does not want to be tied down to the child they bore. They want the grandparent of the child to take the baby and raise it so they can go about being a teenager. They do not want to relenquish their child but instead want to impose on the family.

I do not see this as being the same as having a child and wanting to parent, yet wanting to get an education to be a better parent. I see this as being selfish and irresponsible, what my mother called "wanting your cake and eat it too".

It would be a tough decision....Show more

I just started reading "the girls that went away" so maybe I'm a little sensitive, but I was also wondering the same thing.

I know for me I would do ANYTHING I could to keep my faimily together, When my sister was pregnant, her boyfriend cheated on her, SOLD everything they had including the baby thing.... down to the dog food. Of course when she gave birth, she was presured to look into her options, by the hospital staff, but for her it wasn't even an option.

She moved in with us in our 1 bedroom 600 sqft apt. I was in college and working full time. It was hard on all of us, but it was just what we did. I was raised that family does what ever they had to for eachother. The idea has it's flaws though, this also encouraged misconduct being delt with " by the family" and when I was a kid, my mother REFUSED to get medical, because it was shameful. We were always fed and had a place to live but not much beyond that.

In my job I meet families who struggle to care for their nieces, nephews, cousins, grandbabies, GREAT-grandbabies. For some of them I am the only person they can talk to. They know I bound to confidentiality (unless there is abuse or neglect or illegal activity) . But I comfare the struggle of getting my to the struggle of losing the child forever.

I never expect anyone to take custody of my kids but if for some crazy reason I was unable to care for them I'd hope my family would step up and do what they could. Even people in the most seeming stable situations can find themselves down and out. I KNOW.

I guess you could just do what you can. It may be only for a few years, but it will have a lifetime effect....Show more