My wife left me abruptly and filed for divorce. She has our two youngest kids and is poisoning them against me

How do I overcome the lies she is telling them. I have been fairly successful in court. The judge threw out her restraining order but each time I respond to her lies she comes up with new and better ones. Custody is still up in the air and I fear that by the time a ruling is made they will have forgotten me altogether. She has told them unbelievable and horrible things.

2008-03-17T21:51:00Z

My wife suffered horific sexual abuse as a child, when she was 12 her dad allowed a 30 year old loser to use her like his wife/girlfriend. All to provide a cover story for his girlfriend who he wanted to move in to the house. Her mom made a stink about the last girl he tried to move in so this one moved in posing as this guys girlfriend. The guy was allowed to molest my wife in exchange. Pretty sick eh?? 22 years I have tried to help her work through these things and get her father to take responsibility for his mistakes. Our oldest daughter turned 20 and had a baby last spring and Bren really began to struggle. It started to feel as if I was dealing with two distinct people who were very different from one another. We would have a discussin one day and then she would engage me in an argument the next over the exact same issue, as if she had simply forgotten our previous conversation. We consulted a therapist and he suggested a retreat for her to work out her issues.

2008-03-17T21:59:45Z

He did warn her about the possibility of having a psychotic break however, so he advised her to take it slow and for us to interact regularly during this period, we planned for a three week retreat. I began recording the phone calls in an effort to show that some of the conversations she did not remember had actually happened. On Dec 29th, she called in good spirits and said she could finally see how her father was responsible for the lions share of her anger issues, she told me she loved me and needed me and was looking forward to seeing me for new years eve. That evening she had some kind of altercation with the local police over a debit card that had been cancelled and used accidentally, 12 hours later she dropped out of sight and broke off contact with me and our two older kids (17 and 21) Four days later the sherriff showed up in force to remove my youngest daughter (10) our son (7) was already with her. they also served me with a restraining order. This is where it gets stran

2008-03-17T22:10:07Z

This is where it becomes strange. The address she gave for her and my kids was her parents house. We had grown frustrated with failed attempts to have them in our lives and had not spoken to them in eight years. Now, overnight, she has done a complete 180. She has told me and the older kids that they never really hurt her and are great people. We know this to be false as we has witnessed for ourselves their abusive behavior. It is even obvious to the court she is lying as she cannot substantiate even a single one of her accusations. My younger kids and I were very close, i went on their feild trips with them at school and spent loads of time with the at home. Her family always disliked me as I took her side and tried to hold them accountable for what had happened to her. I am sure they are relishing the opportunity to do this my little ones. I do have equal custody rights but I would have to literally take them by force which would just hurt them more. Thus I wait for the next hearing.

2008-03-17T22:27:14Z

Sorry for the length of this. I have requested parenting time through my attorney every week. but there is always a new and more craetive excuse for her refusal. Since there is no custody order in place yet the police will not assist me in getting them. I finally went to their new school just to try and see if they were still alive and my little girl was frightened of me. I decided not to upset my little boy and left. They have filled her head with unbelievable things, for example. I am a disabled desert strom veteran. I lost a finger and tore my shoulder and back in an accident. My little girl looked at me and said, "mom told me the truth about your accident, she said you cut your own finger off because you couldn't handle the military". My two older kids are firmly in my corner and have testified on my behalf as they are too old to be fooled by her ridiculous claims but I am terrified for my babies. I'm worried about my wife too, I just don't know how to reach her. The high road sux

Starshine2008-03-15T23:19:50Z

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Be loving and supportive to your children, ALWAYS pick them up on time when you are supposed to. NEVER trash their mom in front of them or allow anyone else to...it just hurts the children. As hard as it is, don't defend yourself...if they ask tell them that there were problems in the relationship but that it is not their fault, they are adult problems...that you love them and always will, no matter what. If you lower yourself to her level the children will wind up not trusting either one of you...if you are steady, focus on being a good role model and providing a safe, loving home for your children they will eventually figure it out, I have similar issues with my children. The divorce was almost 6 years ago and they have figured most of it out. Every so often my daughter will ask me why he says some things and I just tell her that he is angry and she knows he gets like that when he is angry...I don't bring it up, I answer it as neutrally as possible when she does and I try to lead by example...I also tell her I cannot control how he feels or what he says, that adults are responsible for their feelings and actions, that I love her (my daughter) and her brothers and I always will. This approach has brought us much closer because she knows she can ask me about things and I won't get upset, that she can discuss how she feels and that no matter what it will be a safe-haven for her.

Try to rise above it (as hard as it is sometimes) and good luck.

James Watkin2008-03-15T23:31:28Z

Let's get real. It isn't like you had a perfect marriage and she just bolted. You two had problems way before she left. Your denial is bad for your kids.

And while one parent may say things about the other parent that are untrue, courts and children can both see what is really going on. It isn't like kids are blind little puppets. They are human beings. They see everything and take it all in.

The healthiest parent for the children is the one that owns up to their part of the fault for the marriage and takes the best care of the children. Not one who thinks they are perfect and not one who thinks the other one is totally at fault. I would say you both are not putting your children above everything. And the judge knows that there is your side, her side and the that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Unless he was born yesterday and fell off a turnip truck on the way to court, he has seen more than you even realize.

Lincoel2008-03-15T23:16:29Z

Get a better lawyer. Your's doesn't seem to be doing such a great job by you. A temporary visitation order should have been in place already. Never have any contact with your spouse without a witness with you. Never take a phone call from your ex without recording it (always inform her that you are recording the phone call though so that you don't run afoul of your state's laws - some states only require one person know the call is being recorded and others require all parties to know).

Good luck.

missnasa20012008-03-15T23:14:09Z

That's unfortunate for your children. But the best thing you could possibly do in a situation like this is to try NOT to have any contact with her until you work out the custody arrangement. Hire a good attorney and try to at least get joint custody and journal EVERYTHING with dates and each time she has said something to your children. Sit back and wait. Don't give her a chance to say or make up anything else about you. Keep that journal and give it to your attorney. And do this daily. But most important do NOT talk to her, argue with her, and you will see her in court. Do not make threats about the children. Your children know their father, and if you are a good father they will not believe all the crap mom is saying. She needs to realize she is hurting nobody but her children in this and that is so unfair and selfish. She's abusive!!!! Unless of course, you are a complete jerk, but she still has zero right to plant that in her childrens heads. go to court and when you do get your children just continue to love them. Don't try to justify what their mother is saying. They will respect you for it when they get older and know you love them.

Teenie2008-03-15T23:38:04Z

It is so wrong what she is doing to you using the kids to get even. What started all this in the first place did she just wake up one morning and say i hate you? Did you cheat on her did you make her life with you a living hell? If none of the above apply to you then that means she had to be a b i t c h when you married her. It's hard and hurtful not to mention costly but you will do anything to get your kids away from her but she feels the same way about you.

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