My wife left me abruptly and filed for divorce. She has our two youngest kids and is poisoning them against me

Be loving and supportive to your children, ALWAYS pick them up on time when you are supposed to. NEVER trash their mom in front of them or allow anyone else to...it just hurts the children. As hard as it is, don't defend yourself...if they ask tell them that there were problems in the relationship but that it is not their fault, they are adult problems...that you love them and always will, no matter what. If you lower yourself to her level the children will wind up not trusting either one of you...if you are steady, focus on being a good role model and providing a safe, loving home for your children they will eventually figure it out, I have similar issues with my children. The divorce was almost 6 years ago and they have figured most of it out. Every so often my daughter will ask me why he says some things and I just tell her that he is angry and she knows he gets like that when he is angry...I don't bring it up, I answer it as neutrally as possible when she does and I try to lead by example...I also tell her I cannot control how he feels or what he says, that adults are responsible for their feelings and actions, that I love her (my daughter) and her brothers and I always will. This approach has brought us much closer because she knows she can ask me about things and I won't get upset, that she can discuss how she feels and that no matter what it will be a safe-haven for her.

Try to rise above it (as hard as it is sometimes) and good luck.

Let's get real. It isn't like you had a perfect marriage and she just bolted. You two had problems way before she left. Your denial is bad for your kids.

And while one parent may say things about the other parent that are untrue, courts and children can both see what is really going on. It isn't like kids are blind little puppets. They are human beings. They see everything and take it all in.

The healthiest parent for the children is the one that owns up to their part of the fault for the marriage and takes the best care of the children. Not one who thinks they are perfect and not one who thinks the other one is totally at fault. I would say you both are not putting your children above everything. And the judge knows that there is your side, her side and the that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Unless he was born yesterday and fell off a turnip truck on the way to court, he has seen more than you even realize.

Get a better lawyer. Your's doesn't seem to be doing such a great job by you. A temporary visitation order should have been in place already. Never have any contact with your spouse without a witness with you. Never take a phone call from your ex without recording it (always inform her that you are recording the phone call though so that you don't run afoul of your state's laws - some states only require one person know the call is being recorded and others require all parties to know).

Good luck.

That's unfortunate for your children. But the best thing you could possibly do in a situation like this is to try NOT to have any contact with her until you work out the custody arrangement. Hire a good attorney and try to at least get joint custody and journal EVERYTHING with dates and each time she has said something to your children. Sit back and wait. Don't give her a chance to say or make up anything else about you. Keep that journal and give it to your attorney. And do this daily. But most important do NOT talk to her, argue with her, and you will see her in court. Do not make threats about the children. Your children know their father, and if you are a good father they will not believe all the crap mom is saying. She needs to realize she is hurting nobody but her children in this and that is so unfair and selfish. She's abusive!!!! Unless of course, you are a complete jerk, but she still has zero right to plant that in her childrens heads. go to court and when you do get your children just continue to love them. Don't try to justify what their mother is saying. They will respect you for it when they get older and know you love them.

It is so wrong what she is doing to you using the kids to get even. What started all this in the first place did she just wake up one morning and say i hate you? Did you cheat on her did you make her life with you a living hell? If none of the above apply to you then that means she had to be a b i t c h when you married her. It's hard and hurtful not to mention costly but you will do anything to get your kids away from her but she feels the same way about you.

She sounds like a psycho witch. I'm sorry that you have to go through this.

As the dad, you're seeing how we routinely get bent over the table on custody issues. The best thing you can do is to be superdad in your time with your daughters; kids always understand actions better than they understand words. As a child of divorce myself, I'd also encourage you to not fight back and say things about your ex--the kids will carry that home with them, and things will just get worse.

I hope you get a just resolution to your situation.

Both parties play a role in divorce - not just the person who leaves. I am not sure why she didn't take all of the kids and am not sure of their ages but here is some sound advice: "Don't worry about what she says. When your kids visit, sit them down, tell them how much you love them, and ask them to talk to you if they ever have any questions about what is happening". Communication is key but you will be putting them in a much better situation if you do NOT bash their mom. It puts them in a much worse situation than you are in already. They know the truth deep down anyway - whatever it is.

I think the best thing is to make sure you don't do the same, as tempting as it may be. Take the high road, and don't bash their mom. I was in this situation as a kid, and I know the parent that really cared is the one that didn't use me as a pawn. Good luck, I hope it works out for you soon.

I'm puzzled as to why she left you. I'm wondering how you made her so bitter and angry. She is now responsible for the two youngest kids, you say. So where are the other kids? Kids never forget that they have a biological father. Keep telling the truth but make sure it is not just a story you want them to hear.

If you have visitation at all with your children (which you should) then you need to get them into counseling. The counselor can then be an advocate for your children. She will see the psychological damage that your wife is putting them through and also how you are with the children. This is your best chance and defeating the lies she is telling.

Plus your children need counseling, as what they are dealing with is way more traumatic than what YOU are dealing with. If she's not got them in it already, this would be great for them.

I can not stress how important this is to you. If you do not have visitation please tell us why NOT!?