In darkness I rise Moving silently Creeping softly Slowly one foot before the other Listening to the dark Gentle breaths in and out
In darkness I turn observing in dim light The borders 'tween shadow and light The bounders 'tween real and fright Nothing here And less over there
In darkness I awake How long have I stood How long have I paced Standing guard in dark All my sleep gone to waste
2008-05-02T11:38:49Z
Close; it is a waking dream more than a nightmare....
2008-05-02T11:43:45Z
The Gods love you Doll, I knew I could reach you!!!
2008-05-02T11:50:22Z
Amy, you are most certainly welcome!
Anonymous2008-05-02T11:45:24Z
Favorite Answer
This is chilling and has a haunting energy that I really love. It is at once enigmatic and all too familiar. This is most definitely poetry, and it is done very well. Thank you.
Remember that a good or effective poet says exactly what he means to say by using descriptive language. That is, he is not trying to hide his thoughts but beautify the message with rhythm, form and imagery. Some poems are written so that the reader is left to identify his particular lot in life and thus project that position upon the poem. Others are more writerly and tell us what is to be known by the poem. In your poem I see you describing a nightmare. Am I correct? This is a good poem and don't be afraid to use proper spelling and numeric matching. line 10: "bounders" is plural where "real and fright" is singular, so "boundary" would be a better word and no loss of meaning would be suffered. Also, line 9, "shadow and light" may have innumerable meetings in unfathomable number of dimensions yet there is ever only one border where they meet. So "the border 'tween shadow and light". And lastly, line 17, "dark" is not a complete adjective, so maybe another adjective could be used if "darkness" seems to be redundant. Or, insert "the" to complete the thought.
Are the two mutually exclusive? I say not. I'll also say this is very good. I loved the line - the borders 'tween real and fright. Very thought provoking.
Nothing wrong with this write at all...it is poetry. Even the Greats sounded 'prosey' at times...but, this is not 'prosey'. Images developed and impacted by not being too 'dark'. Done good and well! Onward!