Okay, just for the record, I'm rarely one to ask these kinds of questions. I usually figure out things like this on my own, but I'm just curious for a little bit of advice here.
I'm going to try to sum this up as much as possible.
There's basically a girl who goes to my school who thinks we're best friends. I don't really have a friend at my school, and that includes her. I've never told her anything personal about me, and I don't plan to. I find her quite annoying, but I never tell her that, because I know she'll have an emotional breakdown. It's not like I'm the only person she talks to; she has a little circle of friends.
I'm basically asking for advice on how to better drop a hint that I'm really not her best friend, and I doubt I ever will be. I hate to be sounding mean, but it's just the truth. I've never told her anything like that, though, because I'm too afraid to hurt her feelings.
I'm completely open to all ideas, no matter how stupid they might be. And I'm sorry to sound like a wittle high school girl who has no clue about anything.
2008-08-04T11:57:04Z
I know that this is a stupid question. I thought I already covered that. I'm just asking for insight from other people, that's all.
2008-08-04T12:01:55Z
Little white high school girl? Huh? =S
Anonymous2008-08-04T11:48:18Z
Favorite Answer
well, you should just tell her that its not her, its "you", and that you dont really want any friends right now, and that she could find better people to hang with, because maybe you arent really the type of person who wants to hang out with her. just tell her the truth. and if she gets an emotional breakdown, then say its ok, but mainly get to the bottom line. you just dont really connect as friends...... :]
Does she want to go to movies, spend time outside of school like grabbing a pizza or is she just being overly social? I personally don't consider people that I do not have a phone number for and hang with outside of school a 'best' friend.
Its great that you want to be considerate of the persons feelings and how you handle it because I think that is very crucial for your reputation as a person in a school setting and it carries over to other areas of life such as the workplace in the future as well. I think I understand, you want to go to school, do your time, concentrate on that and not develop really 'clic' related or close social bonds.
So, you need a solution you can both feel comfortable with, live with and gain the intended results. I think this other person will likely feel foolish but it sounds like she may actually be overly trying to be your friend if you showed her a little consideration.
This should be put upon you even though you didn't ask for it. You could make yourself less available somehow. Whatever you do, be prepared to reap the results, good or bad. Just be honest, use manners, be gentle not harshly spoken and assert yourself. If you are school just for school, then say you are just at school to go to class, you don't really have time for having friends in school and would prefer to be left alone. I think that is the best thing and even then, they may still try to circumvent in some way based upon how 'needy' they are but the point is to walk away from the situation with your self respect and their self respect relatively intact and that is all in how you handle it.
You sound like a very kind-hearted person, and that is a good personality trait.
The flip side of this wonderful trait is that you allow people to take advantage of your kindness because you are sensative to their feelings.
Emotionally needy people are high maintenance individuals who drain the energy and resources from others. You cannot be held responsible for her mental state. If she has a breakdown and blames it on you, then she is manipulating you to get what she wants.
I suggest that you start learning to deal with people like this, because they can spot you a mile away. You are like a magnet drawing them to you. You have a right to your own space without out others invading it.
Learn how to recognize and deal appropriately with these sorts of people, and you will be happier. Hopefully, you won't end up married to a man like this because you feel sorry for him or don't want to hurt his feelings. It happens all the time.
I suggest you read a really good book called BOUNDARIES by Dr. Henry Cloud. It is in the religious book section, but it doesn't matter what your faith or lack of it. It makes a lot of really good sense.
well i can see why you would ask advice on this...its hard telling someone to back off, but i think the best way to do it by telling her that you need your space or you don't feel like talking today....or this week lol if she can't get the hint you're going to have to be blunt with her and tell her like you like spending your time alone and not with her. good luck little white high school girl! lol j/k
i had the same problem, and this is how i delt with it, this girl was soooo annoying and wouldn't stop talking to me and she thought we were friends, basically when ever she would start talking to me i would ignore her and give this look like i'm not interested. Then if i see her in the hall or something at school, i pretend like i didn't see her. i know thats mean, but she was so annoying, i was about to pop