What to do, I am a terrible person!!

Question

Whores
I hate them.
I hate prostitutes that degrade themselves and women by having sex for money.
I hate girls that dress skimpy as a cry for attention.
I hate myspace whores who put nasty pics up.
I hate girls who make porn.

And while I don't fall under any of these categories of a whore, I am deeply ashamed to say that I still am one. Not so terribly or as extreme as these, but still. I am forcing myself to come to terms with this.

Why am I a whore than you ask? Because I flirted with a married man.
Innocent flirtations, nothing bad, nothing but some flirty chatting.
But so what? If someone is married, they are married.
And I am a whore.


Honestly, I told the man that I'd love to continue chatting with him because we did get along so well, but I said we could not flirt anymore, that it simply was not right and that it is not who I am.
He accepted and we went on talking as friends. One of two flirtatious comments once in a great while. But nothing I would not feel comfortable saying right in front of his wife!

Still though, I felt we had had a connection. I didn't plan to act on these feelings or even mention them. But I did feel it.

So I agree to do something for him, on a website, and while I'm working under his account, because he had so kindly trusted me, I do something horrible.
I snoop through his mail.

How dare I! I kept saying to myself, stop it! This isn't right! But I continued on. Nothing special, blah blah whatever, and then one titled The Name Suits You to someone who's picture was of her chest almost completely out of her shirt. I roll my eyes because I hate whores, but am interested, and read the letter.

What a dumb *** move.

He had sent the chesty girl a letter saying something like "You are cute, but then again what (state name) isn't?" And it was written something like how he wrote to me. That way that made m feel that connection.

I began to feel dizzy, my heart sank, my stomach was in my mouth.
I was so angry that he would say that and write like that to this random girl!
I was mumbling how he is married, and that she is like half his age, and what a whore and what a man whore, and how would his wife feel. And then I stopped, and almost started to cry.

I did the same damn thing as this whore.

Sure I didn't take slutty pictures and wear skimpy clothes and meet guys on the internet.
But I flirted with a married man. Just like her.

And that's when it hit me on how horrible I was. I started thinking of his wife, who while she was a toughy, had been so nice to me. And I felt so guilty and ashamed for doing that to her. But I was proud of myself for putting a stop to it.

Then while I was reading on Yahoo! Answers about someone who was in love with a married man, I read what someone wrote and it struck me. They said that a married man who is a cheater would say anything to you, make you feel anyway, just for whatever thrill with you he wanted.
Then I felt incredibly embarrassed.
How could I be so stupid!
I knew this!
How could I honestly think we had a connection!?

I'm a whore, a foolish whore.

Now I'm incredibly distraught.
Me and my grandmother are supposed to go see him and his wife and a friend tomorrow and spend the day together. But right now I feel so ashamed of myself, and more so, I don't think I could even look at him let alone spend time with him!

And I really do want to go because it's my last day of summer, and we had such fun plans!
So I am going. But I don't know what to do.

chandra · Accepted Answer

You are not a whore!!!

You made a mistake - thats all 

''It happens to the best of us'' is a good saying

At least you have a conscience and you do check yourself no matter what your feelings are saying

You will be fine - its all part of learning - and HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON THE INTERNET CHATTING UP WOMEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

elizbeth · Answer

You should never have to "choose" between two people that are your friends. That's childish. Don't feel bad about telling a friend they were wrong, friends do that.There will be times when you will disagree on something, it's best to discuss it. It's just that sometimes the other person doesn't have the same maturity that you do and that's part of the problem too. There is no reason for you to feel like you are a terrible person. Out of this situation you will find out who is the true friend. Maybe it will turn out that they both are. Good luck & don't let this get you down. Peace n Smiles =o~}

Anne · Answer

I congratulate you for being so introspective and for wanting to do the right thing. I think it's great that you are aware of this and I see you have gone through it and learnt something about yourself so that is great too. And now you may have had bad thoughts but you want to change.
And you're openly revealing this to us which is also really great and I hope that it helps you by revealing it. And if you are still bothered you could reveal it to someone trusted to have good answers to life's problems. (therapist?? or someone)
By now you have gone to see him perhaps so that is the next part of the process. You're going to let go of your bad feelings about this but probably by avoiding him a bit or a lot depending on what is necessary. 
You made a mistake, apparently by letting your curiosity get the better of you. You knew you 'shouldn't' and it is also good that you have such a conscience.
On the other hand he is a fool and you became his victim.
Best to question yourself, probably for sometime to come, as to what is lacking in your life or personality that allows you to fall victim to idiots. Find out because you don't want to get fooled again. Right?
What attracted you to such a creep? 
You are OK. You know what is right and wrong in a sense.
He may have also realized his mistake or he will. 
But I would look for better friends if I were you. Accept someone who lives up to your standards of a decent person.

lucas S · Answer

You need to lighten up and stop being so judgmental of yourself and others. On-line flirting does not make you a whore, it makes you a person who is using ineffective ways of trying to get your needs met. You obviously want to flirt and feel that attraction, who doesn't? Its a perfectly natural and healthy desire, you need to find a more suitable way of meeting this need. Also, notice how many times you use the word "hate" in your first paragraph, all that hate will keep you from being happy. You need to a find a man that is not married, you need sexual intimacy and positive sexual experiences.

Anonymous · Answer

Just stay rigid and don't get any effect of his presence and be yourself if can't just pretend that you don't care and be strong. wish you luck.

What to do, I am a terrible person!!

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