What to do, I am a terrible person!!

Whores

I hate them.

I hate prostitutes that degrade themselves and women by having sex for money.

I hate girls that dress skimpy as a cry for attention.

I hate myspace whores who put nasty pics up.

I hate girls who make porn.

And while I don't fall under any of these categories of a whore, I am deeply ashamed to say that I still am one. Not so terribly or as extreme as these, but still. I am forcing myself to come to terms with this.

Why am I a whore than you ask? Because I flirted with a married man.

Innocent flirtations, nothing bad, nothing but some flirty chatting.

But so what? If someone is married, they are married.

And I am a whore.

Honestly, I told the man that I'd love to continue chatting with him because we did get along so well, but I said we could not flirt anymore, that it simply was not right and that it is not who I am.

He accepted and we went on talking as friends. One of two flirtatious comments once in a great while. But nothing I would not feel comfortable saying right in front of his wife!

Still though, I felt we had had a connection. I didn't plan to act on these feelings or even mention them. But I did feel it.

So I agree to do something for him, on a website, and while I'm working under his account, because he had so kindly trusted me, I do something horrible.

I snoop through his mail.

How dare I! I kept saying to myself, stop it! This isn't right! But I continued on. Nothing special, blah blah whatever, and then one titled The Name Suits You to someone who's picture was of her chest almost completely out of her shirt. I roll my eyes because I hate whores, but am interested, and read the letter.

What a dumb *** move.

He had sent the chesty girl a letter saying something like "You are cute, but then again what (state name) isn't?" And it was written something like how he wrote to me. That way that made m feel that connection.

I began to feel dizzy, my heart sank, my stomach was in my mouth.

I was so angry that he would say that and write like that to this random girl!

I was mumbling how he is married, and that she is like half his age, and what a whore and what a man whore, and how would his wife feel. And then I stopped, and almost started to cry.

I did the same damn thing as this whore.

Sure I didn't take slutty pictures and wear skimpy clothes and meet guys on the internet.

But I flirted with a married man. Just like her.

And that's when it hit me on how horrible I was. I started thinking of his wife, who while she was a toughy, had been so nice to me. And I felt so guilty and ashamed for doing that to her. But I was proud of myself for putting a stop to it.

Then while I was reading on Yahoo! Answers about someone who was in love with a married man, I read what someone wrote and it struck me. They said that a married man who is a cheater would say anything to you, make you feel anyway, just for whatever thrill with you he wanted.

Then I felt incredibly embarrassed.

How could I be so stupid!

I knew this!

How could I honestly think we had a connection!?

I'm a whore, a foolish whore.

Now I'm incredibly distraught.

Me and my grandmother are supposed to go see him and his wife and a friend tomorrow and spend the day together. But right now I feel so ashamed of myself, and more so, I don't think I could even look at him let alone spend time with him!

And I really do want to go because it's my last day of summer, and we had such fun plans!

So I am going. But I don't know what to do.