Why is it that Aps that pursue international adoption sit on wait lists for babies or children under 5....?
when there are children living on the street or in dumps needing homes and being ignored? Is this an indication of how much Paps are in it for themselves as opposed to truly helping children in need?
Many Aps use the excuse it takes too long to adopt in the in their own country but turn around and ignore the children in the same situations as children in foster care.
2008-08-23T13:49:37Z
Is there a difference between an Ap not wanting to bother with helping a child over the age of 5 vs being truly unable to care for them?
Why is it automatically assumed a child "damaged" if they are over the age of 5? Is it falsely Aps buying into blank slate theory again?
Anonymous2008-08-23T17:34:28Z
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Probably because many still believe in the "blank slate" theory.
When we decided to adopt, I was a new parent and did not know what I was capable of handling back then, so we requested a child 2 or under because we wanted to experience having a child as young as possible. We got our son who was just under two when he came to live with us. After parenting him, we realised that we could handle a little bit more than we thought and would have loved to adopt an older child, but unfortunately where I live (Australia) there is a criteria of a minimum of two years age difference between children and the next child has to be younger. So if your child is two years old, you can only apply for a child who is basically zero yrs old. If your child is 5, then you can only apply to adopt a child that is 3 or under. It is a long time to wait for an older child because I would have to wait until my youngest child is 7 yrs old or older. That means waiting another 5 years before we could even apply to adopt a child 5 or over. So you see, it is even a longer wait for us if we wanted an older child. I guess they take birth order seriously here.
So please do not automatically assume that all the choices start with the AP.
On a side note, you seem very judgemental, I really hope you are a person who gives all their money to charity, frequently travels to third world countries helping needy children and has personally made it your mission to take in as many children over 5 years old so they have an opportunity to be in a safe and loving family.
The majority of International adoptions involve infants and toddlers. However, the majority of children available for adoption overseas are school age children or sibling groups.
Kind of like in the US, really.
Other than people who have adopted through the same agency we used (we keep networked) I don't know of very many IA parents who adopted a child older than 3 or 4.
I've also heard of some disruptions simply because an older adoptee isn't at the same emotional maturity as an American child of the same age. Or that after bone scans/dental X-rays are done, the child turns out to be 9 instead of 5. Or the adoptive parents simply don't have realistic expectations of the children, haven't considered the effect of malnutrition, lack of education, socialization and the impact of institutionalization. Or they adopt a sibling group, then try to "re-home" the oldest because they want to keep the younger kids.
That's one of the things about IA that make me see red. Seriously. I have no idea how these people get through the screening process or how anyone could sleep at night.
OKay, I'm off my soapbox now.
I would like to see more older children adopted, but only if the APs are really (really!) educated and committed to the children.
I just have to say that I LOVE the point about how birthing a child is not exactly selfless either.
How DARE we go around conceiving and birthing children in this already over populated world? There are tons of kids out there already in existance who need love! What was I thinking of when I decided to conceive my son???
I know what I was thinking. I was thinking that I wanted to experience being pregnant. I wanted a baby of my own. I wanted to see a little bit of me reflected in his face.
I'm not sure what all the international APs are thinking. I actually was posting a question asking just that at about the same time you were posting this. However, I have to assume that they have similar reasons for adopting internationally that I have for deciding to conceive my son. There is nothing inherantly worse about conception than adopting a who truly has no available parents (for WHATEVER reason)
Adoption is not something to take lightly. There are very serious issues that often accompany children who have been raised in an institutionalized setting that is as harsh and bare as a third-world orphanage. Most APs who specifically adopt older children do so because they feel they have the skills and experience to parent them effectively. Love will not conquer all for a child with PTS or RAD. Parents who are very green will not be doing these children any favours and could very well make the situation worse, which could ultimately end in a disruption.
Any parent who is looking to adopt an older child internationally should join www.informedadoptions.com. There are many great moms on there who have first-hand knowledge of the triumphs and tribulations.
On a side note, if you feel so indignant towards APs for leaving older children behind to languish, when exactly will you sending in your application to adopt a child that is truly in need? It must have gotten lost in the mail.
Hmmm... self righteousness is easy when you have no stake in the outcome.