What can I do to help my wife feel comfortable with my son from a previous relationship?
My son, from a previous relationship, not marriage, is 15 years old. My wife is 25 years old and has said that she would not be in the same house with my Son because he is not a child, but a man. She said it would be strange to have to live with him in the house. They only recently met for the first time and it was a very cold situation. She knew about him before we married and had no problem with it because he never lived with me. He was raised by his mother's parents. How can I make her feel more comfortable with the situation? She told me about a Colombian couple she knew that had a similar situation and the teenage son slept with the step mother. Is that common and a reason to worry?
2008-10-06T02:32:52Z
Wow! Thanks for all the great answers and advice. As far as giving up either of them, that is not an option. Before we married I told her about my son of course, but said we had never lived together. Now that he is 15, I think he needs more of my support and advice and frankly discipline. So, our compromise is for the short term, that she go visit her family when my son is staying for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. Keep them coming and thanks again!
razorraul2008-10-06T01:57:39Z
Favorite Answer
RESPECT HER SHE IS BOSS SET THE RULES STRAIGHT DO NOT FORCE HER INTO THE MOM POSITION
Your son is and always will be your son. She cannot and should not seek to take that relationship away or have you choose between your son and her. It is not common nor is it right. At the age of 15 your son is no longer a little boy, but he is by no means a man, an adult. Your son needs your guidance. This is an important time in his life, one which will help shape how he acts especially in his adult relationships during that time. Your wife needs to understand that you have the ability and capacity to love both your son and her, that there is no competition. That your situation cannot be judged or determined by situations of others.
It is understandable that your son may react a little 'off' toward your wife when first meeting. This can still occur during subsequent contact. Your wife is an adult, she needs to act like one. She needs to be the better person and love him into loving her, taking that time to develop a relationship with him too, it will take time and she will need to earn his trust but when all is said and done, she is the adult.
Well i take it you are a bit older then your new wife. Seems to me that she doesn't want the child in the house thus using any means to put worries in your head to change your mind. If you are steadfast on having your son come live with you then your going to have a rough road ahead. Honestly if this situation was never discussed before your marriage then she has a right to her opinion. And in that case you may have to make a choice if she isn't willing to accept him. I wouldn't rush on bringing him in to the family setting. Tell her to give him a chance stay off and on a day or so let them get comfortable with each other and see how things go from there. But if there both not willing to give things a try then like i said your in for a rough road.
I believe your wife's age is a major factor here and your teenage son will accept her so easily even more because of that. the way i see it, what u have in mind is not gonna happen as one big family.
But your wife does have an interesting solution. he is not a boy anymore, what if you treated him like an adult? like a close friend so as to break the ice and traditional relationship barrier between step mother and son?
if that still does not work out maybe he is better off with his natural mom and he can visit whenever.
She's too paranoid. Just because you have stepchildren doesn't mean that the kids will do something horrible. She has a negative view of men and your son it seems. Is she old fashioned? Just because it happened to someone else doesn't mean it will happen to your family. If she can't get past her fears then you should move on.