My husband has become so afraid of me becoming pregnant that he refuses to have sexual intercourse with me. We have both decided that we do not want children and it is a mutual understanding.
I have been on the pill for 5 years and we have never even had a close call. I am as regular as can be.
He will only perform and/or receive oral sex.
It starting to harm our relationship. I no longer look forward to sex. Is this behavior normal? And how can I change it?
How can I convince him that it is okay?
A vasectomy or tubal ligation is not an option as we are too young for any doctor to even consider us.
Anonymous2008-11-07T11:32:24Z
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Well, I'm not sure why he is so afraid. But maybe you could take him to the GYN with you, have your doctor explain to him how the birth control works and what the percentage of risk is. Talking to a doctor might ease his mind.
If after talking to your GYN he still is afraid, then maybe you could double-up your forms of birth-control: make an agreement with him to stay on the pill and use condoms, also to not have sex while you're ovulating, then he might feel more comfortable. Even with the pill and condoms, he doesn't have to ejaculate in you if he isn't comfortable, he could pull out alittle early.
Besides that, you could also consider switching to a more effective form of birth control than the pill: a copper IUD is considered the most effective form of birth control, perhaps you and your husband could discuss this option together with your GYN.
Talk to him about his fears, there has to be some root cause to make him so aware of this just now, especially if sexual intercourse has never been a problem in your marriage before, good luck
*edit* to the first poster who said you can not get pregnant from anal, oh how very wrong you are!
He is a freak. I'm sorry but the universe has a way of making things happen whether you say you want it or not. My husband and I were together for 13 years before we had our son. We were actually trying for 3 years.
If you are careful and take the pill and use condoms you should be okay. His anxiety over getting pregnant is too much. He should stop obsessing about it. The reason why doctors do not perform the operation on young people is because they usually change their mind. Mark my words, in 5 years when all of your friends have kids you will change your mind. I wasn't ready until I was 32. If you would have asked me in my early 20's I would have said no way.
I'm sorry but it seems that there is another problem in the relationship besides the one you wrote about. You may not know what it is, therefore you should sit down and have a serious talk with him about what the problem really is. It just seems strange that after 5 years (and not even a close call) he suddenly becomes scared. For him not to want to have sexual intercourse is not a normal behavior. Sit down and have a serious talk with him and find out what his problem really is.
Your last statement is absolutely incorrect. If you are old enough to get married, there is a doctor somewhere who will perform a vasectomy. I have had one myself, and it was well worth it. It is great not to have to worry about pregnancy - very liberating!
In answer to your other questions, though, no, your husband's behavior is not normal. It is unlikely, though, that you could change it. It almost sounds like a phobia, and if it has developed into an irrational fear, he would need to see a counselor to get treatment for that.
It almost sounds like you got pregnant having sex with your husband and he did not want you to get pregnant. If that little surprise is what is behind this, you will never change his mind because you trick him into having a child and therefore, he will not have sex with you. Oh by the way, any man can get a vasectomy as long as he is willing to sign the documents. I know I did!