Were coercion techniques used when you were considering relinquishment?
This is a question for those who have either relinquished their child for adoption or seriously considered relinquishment but then decided to parent instead. At Origins Canada there is a list of coercion techniques that are identified that are frequently used against women considering relinquishment for the children. http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_coercion.html
Regardless of whether you feel that relinquishment was ultimately your choice, or whether you felt coerced or not, were any of those coercion techniques said or done to you?
2008-11-26T09:23:18Z
Dreamweaver, you probably are getting thumbs down because you didn't really answer the question.
tish2008-11-26T03:57:14Z
Favorite Answer
oh yes...
first, i was called a "birthmother" from the moment i walked into the office with my parents.
i was also told that:
"you're her (pamom) last chance to be a parent"
"you can have other children when you're older and married"
"changing your mind is like causing this woman the same pain as if her child died"
"it's the hormones talking"
"the hospital social workers are not trained in "birthmother issues"; so you really shouldn't take their advise." (a hosptial SW supported me in keeping my son, after the adoption agency's thugs tried to get info on the birth and hound me while in the hosptial--this was pre-HIPPA)
"you CAN'T just change your mind"
"we'll have to call CYS because you told to us that you are not working and have no income to take care of a baby. we are required by law to report any case of suspected child abuse or neglect."
and my favorite..
"many girls like you (black women who make adoption plans) don't take care of themelves, and their babies have a lot of problems and are UNADOPTABLE. you are different...special even. so, if you don't go through with it, she will have to wait YEARS for another baby." (or some crap like that)
after 2-3 weeks of being hounded while trying to heal from a long, painful labor and delivery, my father told her "don't call my fuc@ing house again!"
I believe that coersion happens. Not with every single person, but a lot of them. I feel like it was 'easier' to do back in the day when teen/unmarried women were looked down upon and disowned by their families. It was 'easier' to make them feel like adoption was the only choice and trick them since their parents may not have been helpful in giving them real information and encouragement. Today I am sure it still happen, just not in the same exact way since society has become more willing to help those women in need. That being said, I have never known anyone who has experienced the 'tricky ways' of adoption agencies, so I honestly wouldn't know how they go about it these days. I would never jump to say that all were coerced or that all are lying. There are some people that will be honest and some that will change the truth. That goes for everyone in this world!
Oh wow. Let's see... Going by the Origins list: From section A, numbers 2,3,4,5,6,9,10, and 11. From Section B, numbers 1,2,3, and 6. From Section C, numbers 8, and 9. From Section D, number 11. From Section G, Numbers 6,7, and 8, though the forgery was initials on the sections that explained my rights, not the actual signature. Guess they didn't want me to see those. From Section H, numbers 1, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and 10.
In addition, the Hospital "botched up" my lab results and I came up positive for drugs, was told that if I didn't do the adoption, my son would go into foster care forever. The hospital S.W. failed to tell me that two of the baby's screens and my confirmation came back negative and a relinquishing mother who was with the agency S.W. back up her story about CPS by saying that she'd lost two of her kids to CPS and had never seen them again, didn't know where they were, etc.
And my Judge did not consider that coercion. I wonder what he does consider coercion then.
I'm not sure if the birth mother my son's ex-girlfriend was coercion but I know that the agency had no plans on telling my son their was a child of his being put up for adoption. this woman moved in with another man 2 months after they broke up and hid the fact along with the daughter they had together. He had his last day in court the other day with the attorney General who sum how for the last 3 years not putting his child support payments on the books to make him look bad in court. What did they say when he had the proof that they were wrong. Man I'm sorry Get this his child support for his daughter is paid once a week out of his check at the court the mother said she has not got a child support since oct 21 and it's now a month. He had to go get the checks again at the bank and fax it to them and ask were his money was and why his child has not got her support she needs her money and there excuse is sorry it just got behind yea right they are planning to start this over again. My son is still fighting for his son.