Were coercion techniques used when you were considering relinquishment?

oh yes...

first, i was called a "birthmother" from the moment i walked into the office with my parents.

i was also told that:

"you're her (pamom) last chance to be a parent"

"you can have other children when you're older and married"

"changing your mind is like causing this woman the same pain as if her child died"

"it's the hormones talking"

"the hospital social workers are not trained in "birthmother issues"; so you really shouldn't take their advise." (a hosptial SW supported me in keeping my son, after the adoption agency's thugs tried to get info on the birth and hound me while in the hosptial--this was pre-HIPPA)

"you CAN'T just change your mind"

"we'll have to call CYS because you told to us that you are not working and have no income to take care of a baby. we are required by law to report any case of suspected child abuse or neglect."

and my favorite..

"many girls like you (black women who make adoption plans) don't take care of themelves, and their babies have a lot of problems and are UNADOPTABLE. you are different...special even. so, if you don't go through with it, she will have to wait YEARS for another baby." (or some crap like that)

after 2-3 weeks of being hounded while trying to heal from a long, painful labor and delivery, my father told her "don't call my fuc@ing house again!"

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and people wonder why i have issues with adoption...

I believe that coersion happens. Not with every single person, but a lot of them. I feel like it was 'easier' to do back in the day when teen/unmarried women were looked down upon and disowned by their families. It was 'easier' to make them feel like adoption was the only choice and trick them since their parents may not have been helpful in giving them real information and encouragement. Today I am sure it still happen, just not in the same exact way since society has become more willing to help those women in need. That being said, I have never known anyone who has experienced the 'tricky ways' of adoption agencies, so I honestly wouldn't know how they go about it these days. I would never jump to say that all were coerced or that all are lying. There are some people that will be honest and some that will change the truth. That goes for everyone in this world!

coercion techniques relinquishment

Oh wow. Let's see...

Going by the Origins list:

From section A, numbers 2,3,4,5,6,9,10, and 11.

From Section B, numbers 1,2,3, and 6.

From Section C, numbers 8, and 9.

From Section D, number 11.

From Section G, Numbers 6,7, and 8, though the forgery was initials on the sections that explained my rights, not the actual signature. Guess they didn't want me to see those.

From Section H, numbers 1, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and 10.

In addition, the Hospital "botched up" my lab results and I came up positive for drugs, was told that if I didn't do the adoption, my son would go into foster care forever. The hospital S.W. failed to tell me that two of the baby's screens and my confirmation came back negative and a relinquishing mother who was with the agency S.W. back up her story about CPS by saying that she'd lost two of her kids to CPS and had never seen them again, didn't know where they were, etc.

And my Judge did not consider that coercion. I wonder what he does consider coercion then.

I'm not sure if the birth mother my son's ex-girlfriend was coercion but I know that the agency had no plans on telling my son their was a child of his being put up for adoption. this woman moved in with another man 2 months after they broke up and hid the fact along with the daughter they had together. He had his last day in court the other day with the attorney General who sum how for the last 3 years not putting his child support payments on the books to make him look bad in court. What did they say when he had the proof that they were wrong. Man I'm sorry Get this his child support for his daughter is paid once a week out of his check at the court the mother said she has not got a child support since oct 21 and it's now a month. He had to go get the checks again at the bank and fax it to them and ask were his money was and why his child has not got her support she needs her money and there excuse is sorry it just got behind yea right they are planning to start this over again. My son is still fighting for his son.

Section A: 3, 9, 10 and 11 in particular.

I wasn't really coerced. What I experienced was brute force and strong armed tactics.

About 5 months after placing my son in care I was hauled into his SW's office and TOLD how it was going to be. I could "choose" to allow his foster family to adopt him and he would grow up in a home where he was loved with people he was bonded to or I could fight them and have my parental rights terminated in court. Where was my choice? I was told that if I fought for him they would win and I would never see him again (I was told I would be granted a semi-open adoption if I relinquished) I was also told that if they had my rights terminated he would be moved from the foster home he was in and he would be considered unadoptable. If he was termed unadoptable he would be shuffled from foster home to group home to foster home to residential treatment centre to group home and back again. He would have no stability and no love in his life and I would be permanently removed from his life. He was in care so I could get treatment for anorexia for f**k sake! I was trying to become the best person and parent I could be and they stripped me of my child. I told them I wanted to meet his foster parents before I made a choice. That took another 3 months, 3 more months of him not being with me or even seeing me. They did everything they could to ensure that a judge would see me as an abandoner. By the time I met them I had many months of coercion and force under my belt, I was beaten and defeated. My only choice was to allow them to adopt him and hope he would be able to forgive me someday. My semi-open adoption was never open at all. I was told I would receive updates and pictures via the post adoption registry, what they failed to tell me was that I would only have access to them once he turned 18. I have not seen my son in 7 years, the last time I saw him was on his 7th birthday. It was a fluke meeting, total chance. My son turns 14 on Saturday and I will never get over his loss.

Wow after reading that long list, I can say that many of those things were said and done to me, especially not being allowed to see my baby, moved to another ward, family not being allowed to see the baby, they wouldn't even tell me what sex she was until I begged.

I didn't think of it as coercion because I had no idea what that meant. It was drummed into my head that this was the way it was going to be. I was convinced this was the right thing to do.

My story

16 sitting in the waiting area. Nurse called me and bf back and says I'm pregnant. I cry, bf is pissed. he takes me home. I went to my room and cried more. Thought about my age, my life, my future and thought 'adoption'. I'm adopted and my life has been amazing...IS amazing. 3 weeks later I'm 6 weeks pregnant and I tell my mom. She cries and asks me what I want to do. I tell her I want to give him up for adoption. (yes even then I knew he was a boy) She says she and dad will support whatever I want to do. I know they will.

When my son is born, he is beautiful. They hold him up for me to see him. 4 days later I spend 15 hours with him, thinking, praying, deciding. the next day his father comes to the nursery and spends a few hours with him and signs his relinquishment papers-we hug and cry. 2 days later I go to court. Its an open court room and I get on the stand and relinquish my rights and sign the papers. I get 2 mos of counseling but I truly feel i did the right thing so, tho I mourn, I do ok.

Edit: I love how we thumbs down for our personal stories!! lol

From my mother: "don't come home with that baby; I will leave the family if that baby comes home, I'm not helping raise that baby, you shamed the family, you ruined your life" etc.

From siblings: "you can't let her bring that bastard home."

From boyfriend: "best thing to do is disappear until the baby is born, then come home after you give the baby away." (Hmm, where exactly was I supposed to go? Adoption was birth control for him, freed him of child support and taking responsibility for his actions. How convenient.)

From boyfriend's mother: "there's no place for a baby here." (Figuratively, she had plenty of room in her house).

From agency: "baby will have two parents, you don't have anywhere to live, you're too young to be a mother, you'll go to college and have other babies, you don't have any means of support, you shouldn't see the baby after birth to avoid getting attached" (Did I go to college: yes. Am I successful: yes, in fact I am more educated and financially successful than the a-parents.)

From hospital: "do you want to see the baby, do you want to name the baby." (Can you imagine them asking any other mother these types of questions? Assumption was that I should not interact with the baby in a motherly way. I ignored this BS and acted as a mother to my baby.)

Summary: I had no choice.