Is this sentence structured correctly?

The next day we went shopping an outlet mall, and out to eat, and when we returned to the hotel, we all went swimming.

2008-11-28T16:54:01Z

Can you make suggestions??

CV2008-11-28T17:03:07Z

Favorite Answer

It's okay, but a little wordy and has a lot of commas. I'm not sure what this is for, but I think a better way to do this would be to provide more detail and break it into 2 sentences.
For example:
The next day, we went shopping at an outlet mall, then stopped at a restaurant for a bite to eat. After returning to the hotel, we decided a swim in the pool would be a perfect way to end the day.

Em2008-11-29T00:58:40Z

The next day we went shopping at an outlet mall, and had something to eat, and when we returned to the hotel, all of us went swimming.

Sally Bea Johnson2008-11-29T00:58:11Z

Hmm. Well it would sound better if it was two sentences, like "The next days we went shopping at an outlet mall and then went out to eat. When we returned to the hotel, we all went swimming."
Or you could say, "The next day we went shopping at an outlet mall, went out to eat, and when we returned to the hotel we all went swimming."

kaila k2008-11-29T00:57:35Z

The next day, we went shopping at an outlet mall, out to eat, and then back to the hotel to swim.

nothingconstant2008-11-29T00:58:12Z

I would break it up.

The next day we went shopping at an outlet mall, and then we went out to eat. Upon returning to the hotel, we all decided to go for a swim.

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