I recorded "Adoption Stories", because the info on it looked interesting. I usually don't watch it, but I wanted to see how they portrayed it. This one one went WAY beyond uncalled for. In the "info" it mentioned, among other things, "Birth father snatches son" When I read it, I thought that he actually barged in and took his son. Quite the opposite! The PAP's had the child for 3 months, and then the NFather was located and he wanted to raise his son. There was NO "snatching". He simply stepped up to the plate and was a father to his son.
1) How do I contact who ever writes the "info" and tell them that this is unacceptable. Who is it? Is it Adoption Stories? Is it "Discovery Health"? Is it Time Warner Cable?
2) How do you think this portrays men? It seems to me that they can't win either way. If they don't step up, then they are a dead beat dad, if they do then they are a baby stealer?
3) Is this sexist? If the mother had three months to revoke her consent,(btw, he NEVER signed the TPR, so he did not revoke anything) and she did, then she would have "changed her mind" not "snatched her son"
2008-12-04T20:11:22Z
Rowan- I agree with everything you said! I agree that it must have been heartbreaking to have to give the child back after 3 months! They infact seemed to be very understanding of the situation, my problem is NOT with them! They were innocent by-standers! I am mad that the wording on the "info" amde it seem like a crime to parent you own children! I also know that not all AP and PAP are monsters. There are some AWESOME ones on here! As for the father, they didn't go into it very much, other than sayin that they located him. I understood it to be that he didn't know.
2008-12-04T20:18:30Z
Annabelle- No, all that happens is that the father gets his son. That is all they say about it. Later the couple adopt a girl from pregnant teen. That is what the show is really about, they just added in the part where the couple had gotten a baby earlier.
2008-12-05T09:34:40Z
Erin- Wrong show, but I know which one you are talking about. This particular show had nothing to do with foster care. It was all about infant adoption.
sweetjane2008-12-04T20:27:38Z
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1. It is discovery health. Contact info: http://health.discovery.com/utilities/about/contact.html 2 & 3.
I don't know if I am more shocked at "adoption stories' or the answers to this question.
How anyone in their right mind could knowingly support a child not being returned to his natural father--who never knew he existed--is beyond me. As to sizesmith's answer, in MANY states, fathers MUST sign the birth certificate within 15 days of birth or FOREVER be considered NOT the legal father of the child. I am all for responsibility and ownership, but expecting a man to keep up with his former lover after the relationship has ended is a bit much to ask. I would assume that MOST men would expect the woman to contact them in the event they were pregnant. Since this mother didn't do so, and since he had no way of knowing he had a child, he should, of course, have the ability to raise his own son. While it may sound 'harsh'....AP's can indeed adopt another child. That isn't mean, it's honest. There are 4 million children in foster care in the US. THIS child has a legitimate father who WANTS to raise him. There is NO BETTER place for this child to be than with his daddy. I am glad the AP's understand that in the show, if not as much in this forum. As an Foster-to-adopt mommy, I can't begin to imagine the pain of having to return our child to ANYONE other than us. However, his mother refuses to reveal the father's name. IF they are able to locate him and IF he is willing to parent his child, it would be devastating. But ultimately, this is about a little boy and his daddy....and my belief is that capable, natural parents are ALWAYS the best possible scenario for a child. I can indeed adopt another child.....it wouldn't be the same and I would forever hold our little boy in my mind and heart.....but his father cannot replace his own biological child. Ultimately, adoption should NEVER be about AP's, but about children who NEED homes. This child already has a home and a daddy who wants him. It is wrong to deny him his child, it is wrong to call him a 'baby stealer' and it is wrong to call it something other than what it is....a father who wants to raise his own son. <<Foster-to-adopt mommy
I think what we're up against here is sensationalism. I think it would be odd if the show producers actually wrote that - espescially if the parents in the show weren't angry about the situation. (I'm sure they were heart broken, but they had to know the dad hadn't signed the TPR - and fathers do have rights too!)
I would think it was probably a network lacky who was running through the script trying to think of "catchy" info things. It really is a pretty sucky description though. Even if they'd written (Adoptive parents are heart broken when biological father steps forward) or something like that, they'd still be within the realm of reality. Saying the father "snatched" the baby really is a bit too much. I wonder who that father is. Could he sue for defamation? They're portraying him as a felon there! _____________________________________________ I wanted to add a bit about the dad not knowing thing...
Do I think it's unreasonable to expect men to keep tabs on every woman they've slept with for at least a year afterwards - not at ALL! If you can't handle that kind of committment, keep it in your pants!
On the other hand, I do know that keeping tabs on them is not always possible. Women do skip town, or lie and cheat to avoid guys, espescially if they're eager to dump a baby. I know a man whose fiance skipped town at 5 months pregnant. He had a pretty good idea of where she'd gone, and was doing everything within his legal power to make sure he'd still get to be a dad. Even knowing her name, her approximate due date, and her likely new location - it was several weeks after the baby was born before he was notified of the birth. (This was in Canada, so I'm not exactly as sure about their CPS system - but I know he was working with them.) It took him nearly two years of watching his ex starve and abuse his baby, and watching his baby be shuffled into foster care, before he was finally able to get custody of her. Thus, I know it's not always that the father is unknowing or uncaring that prevents them from being immediately there.
He's also not the only father I've known who has had trouble keeping track of an ex, even when the guy knows the ex is pregnant. Putative father registries have helped, but unfortunately there are glaring wholes in them that a determined woman can slip through. Most of the time, the women who take advantages of them are dead beat moms who don't want to pay child support. Thus, I don't think that we can assume that this guy was just uncaring for the first 3 months of the babies life. He may have been trying everything in his power to find out where his child was. Without the money to hire attorney's and PIs, this can be a very daunting process.
Just a couple thoughts to add to the mix. Why is it some ppl can "only image how they (AP's) must feel...in those 3 months...they had grown to love the child."
YET...no one can "only image" how painful it must be to be without YOUR child for those same 3 months! Much less looking at facing the next 20 years without your child in your life. Why such a HUGE lack of compassion for the biological parents loss & pain?
AND..."that is very callous of you to say"they can just adopt another baby" like its a puppy that can just be replaced!"
Yet isn't it just as callous to tell the birth mom/dad "they can always have another baby" like it's A PUPPY that can be replaced?" (as if a puppy can be replaced, even!)
As for the putative father's registries, they vary GREATLY from state to state in the amount of time given & even WHEN a 'presumed' father can register. It's not so simple! Many adoption agencies know the laws & use the knowledge to circumvent putative registries, moving mom's out of state & lying to dad about when the child is born.
"...but where the hell was he during the pregnancy and birth, and all that?" Really? After all, men are dogs, right? They certainly shouldn't have any say in raising their own children, including whether or not they even GET to raise their own children. They should just shut the hell up & be glad they don't have to pay child support, right? Besides, they don't carry the child or even go through labor. So they should have no say at all! {{sarcasm}}
See the myspace page with this & other father's stories: "Joshua is also dealing with The Adoption Center of Choice. His girlfriend flew from Florida to Utah to give his son (Joseph Matthew Jazz) up without his knowledge."
I actually happened to catch this episode, which is rare. I did not like this adoptive family. They were all about being "saviors", and their tone was incredibly dismissive and disrespectful about first parents. I don't know about being sexist, the show is dismissive of first family in general and I think it would have been the same if the mother was able to parent again. That being said, the child lived with ffather for 8 years being abused, and then went back to this family. So, again this brings up questions about social services and foster care, checking out bio relatives before child in care is placed with them, not checking back up on the child, etc. Another case where social services failed the child and let her live with abuse for 8 years. And then the poor thing had to go and live with that adoptive family again! Anyway, I would contact Discovery Health about your concerns about their portrayal.
I think it is discovery health. I think i may have seen this one. Does the girl end up in foster care b/c dad neglects her? Or does dad raise her? The one I saw the kid ends up back in the family but it is like 10 years later.
But yes it is offensive to say a childs parent snatched them away.
ETA-Oh didnt see that one. Nevermind. I do remember that father was presented in a really negative light also but i wondered if it was b/c he turned out to be neglectful. Apparently not...