Go figure, "Adoption Stories" pissed me off?

1. It is discovery health. Contact info: http://health.discovery.com/utilities/about/contac...

2 & 3.

I don't know if I am more shocked at "adoption stories' or the answers to this question.

How anyone in their right mind could knowingly support a child not being returned to his natural father--who never knew he existed--is beyond me. As to sizesmith's answer, in MANY states, fathers MUST sign the birth certificate within 15 days of birth or FOREVER be considered NOT the legal father of the child. I am all for responsibility and ownership, but expecting a man to keep up with his former lover after the relationship has ended is a bit much to ask. I would assume that MOST men would expect the woman to contact them in the event they were pregnant. Since this mother didn't do so, and since he had no way of knowing he had a child, he should, of course, have the ability to raise his own son. While it may sound 'harsh'....AP's can indeed adopt another child. That isn't mean, it's honest. There are 4 million children in foster care in the US. THIS child has a legitimate father who WANTS to raise him. There is NO BETTER place for this child to be than with his daddy. I am glad the AP's understand that in the show, if not as much in this forum. As an Foster-to-adopt mommy, I can't begin to imagine the pain of having to return our child to ANYONE other than us. However, his mother refuses to reveal the father's name. IF they are able to locate him and IF he is willing to parent his child, it would be devastating. But ultimately, this is about a little boy and his daddy....and my belief is that capable, natural parents are ALWAYS the best possible scenario for a child. I can indeed adopt another child.....it wouldn't be the same and I would forever hold our little boy in my mind and heart.....but his father cannot replace his own biological child. Ultimately, adoption should NEVER be about AP's, but about children who NEED homes. This child already has a home and a daddy who wants him. It is wrong to deny him his child, it is wrong to call him a 'baby stealer' and it is wrong to call it something other than what it is....a father who wants to raise his own son.

<<Foster-to-adopt mommy

I think what we're up against here is sensationalism. I think it would be odd if the show producers actually wrote that - espescially if the parents in the show weren't angry about the situation. (I'm sure they were heart broken, but they had to know the dad hadn't signed the TPR - and fathers do have rights too!)

I would think it was probably a network lacky who was running through the script trying to think of "catchy" info things. It really is a pretty sucky description though. Even if they'd written (Adoptive parents are heart broken when biological father steps forward) or something like that, they'd still be within the realm of reality. Saying the father "snatched" the baby really is a bit too much. I wonder who that father is. Could he sue for defamation? They're portraying him as a felon there!

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I wanted to add a bit about the dad not knowing thing...

Do I think it's unreasonable to expect men to keep tabs on every woman they've slept with for at least a year afterwards - not at ALL! If you can't handle that kind of committment, keep it in your pants!

On the other hand, I do know that keeping tabs on them is not always possible. Women do skip town, or lie and cheat to avoid guys, espescially if they're eager to dump a baby. I know a man whose fiance skipped town at 5 months pregnant. He had a pretty good idea of where she'd gone, and was doing everything within his legal power to make sure he'd still get to be a dad. Even knowing her name, her approximate due date, and her likely new location - it was several weeks after the baby was born before he was notified of the birth. (This was in Canada, so I'm not exactly as sure about their CPS system - but I know he was working with them.) It took him nearly two years of watching his ex starve and abuse his baby, and watching his baby be shuffled into foster care, before he was finally able to get custody of her. Thus, I know it's not always that the father is unknowing or uncaring that prevents them from being immediately there.

He's also not the only father I've known who has had trouble keeping track of an ex, even when the guy knows the ex is pregnant. Putative father registries have helped, but unfortunately there are glaring wholes in them that a determined woman can slip through. Most of the time, the women who take advantages of them are dead beat moms who don't want to pay child support. Thus, I don't think that we can assume that this guy was just uncaring for the first 3 months of the babies life. He may have been trying everything in his power to find out where his child was. Without the money to hire attorney's and PIs, this can be a very daunting process.

Just a couple thoughts to add to the mix. Why is it some ppl can "only image how they (AP's) must feel...in those 3 months...they had grown to love the child."

YET...no one can "only image" how painful it must be to be without YOUR child for those same 3 months! Much less looking at facing the next 20 years without your child in your life. Why such a HUGE lack of compassion for the biological parents loss & pain?

AND..."that is very callous of you to say"they can just adopt another baby" like its a puppy that can just be replaced!"

Yet isn't it just as callous to tell the birth mom/dad "they can always have another baby" like it's A PUPPY that can be replaced?" (as if a puppy can be replaced, even!)

As for the putative father's registries, they vary GREATLY from state to state in the amount of time given & even WHEN a 'presumed' father can register. It's not so simple! Many adoption agencies know the laws & use the knowledge to circumvent putative registries, moving mom's out of state & lying to dad about when the child is born.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_polici...

"...but where the hell was he during the pregnancy and birth, and all that?" Really? After all, men are dogs, right? They certainly shouldn't have any say in raising their own children, including whether or not they even GET to raise their own children. They should just shut the hell up & be glad they don't have to pay child support, right? Besides, they don't carry the child or even go through labor. So they should have no say at all! {{sarcasm}}

See the myspace page with this & other father's stories:

"Joshua is also dealing with The Adoption Center of Choice. His girlfriend flew from Florida to Utah to give his son (Joseph Matthew Jazz) up without his knowledge."

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=us...

I actually happened to catch this episode, which is rare. I did not like this adoptive family. They were all about being "saviors", and their tone was incredibly dismissive and disrespectful about first parents. I don't know about being sexist, the show is dismissive of first family in general and I think it would have been the same if the mother was able to parent again. That being said, the child lived with ffather for 8 years being abused, and then went back to this family. So, again this brings up questions about social services and foster care, checking out bio relatives before child in care is placed with them, not checking back up on the child, etc. Another case where social services failed the child and let her live with abuse for 8 years. And then the poor thing had to go and live with that adoptive family again! Anyway, I would contact Discovery Health about your concerns about their portrayal.

I think it is discovery health. I think i may have seen this one. Does the girl end up in foster care b/c dad neglects her? Or does dad raise her? The one I saw the kid ends up back in the family but it is like 10 years later.

But yes it is offensive to say a childs parent snatched them away.

ETA-Oh didnt see that one. Nevermind. I do remember that father was presented in a really negative light also but i wondered if it was b/c he turned out to be neglectful. Apparently not...

Everyone bashes the father, "where was he when she was preggo?", etc etc. What most people fail to realize is that there are a lot of women who are sneaky B***es who feel that since they don't want the child, they shouldn't have to be financially responsible for it (but it's different when it's a man, apparently). The women lie about paternity, jump state to intervene the father's rights, etc etc. Several stories have gotten media attention where the father was outright lied to and told the pregnancies were miscarried or aborted and the woman drops off the face of the planet or they broke up with the women never knowing they were pregnant and were never told until it was too late. How is that fair?

Kudos to this guy for getting back his baby. I am sorry for the AP's, but this was a risk they were willing to take when they adopted. They can always adopt another child, this father would have lost his son forever.

personally, i think the show should be canceled...

it's all one big barf-fest.. i find it amazing how one "snatches" their own baby.

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and don't try to explain that your opinions are not generalizable to all PAPS or AP. because you couldn't POSSIBLY have a nuanced perspective that's critical of some behaviors of AP and PAPS; yet not all. in the minds of some, if you judge one, you've judged them all.

pffft...

There are laws designed to protect the stability of a child's life. In many states, there's a law called the putative father registry. It's very similar time frames to the mother's time to consent to adopt, and the time frame she has to change her mind.

The laws were made to protect children who's mothers wanted to place them, and perhaps the fathers didn't stay around but even a few minutes after conception (it happens). The idea is, if a man is capable of having sex, he should stick around long enough to make sure that a child doesn't result from the union, and that he ought to be more responsible "where he plants his seeds". The putative father registry is designed for a father to go to the county clerk's office in the state of conception and/or birth of the child, and sign that he is the father, and at that point, he is to provide some financial responsibility for the child. The law was also designed so that mothers who placed children, then changed their mind months (or even years) later, couldn't just go and find the "unknown" father and have him get the baby back for her and, it protects men who are fathers, by making sure the custodial parent, namely the mother right after birth, doesn't place a child for adoption without his consent. Children deserve stability, and ignorance is no excuse. If he was ignorant that he was so careless as to have sex, not use protection, and leave the mother holding the baby-bag, then he should lose his rights. Fathers need to make sure of what they're doing, and show more responsibility when they're running around going wild. Don't get me wrong, many mothers need to calm down too, but men don't get sick 2 weeks later to find out they're pregnant, and many don't bother to use a condom, as they place themselves into the situation.

Between the time of conception, and the time this child was claimed by the father, over a year's time had passed. A year that the mother had carried the baby, probably lived in the same area (I can see exceptions if a mother moved, and the father could prove he'd been trying to find something out from before the birth), and 3 months after the birth? That's enough time for a baby to go from 2 cells to holding his head up in a crib and more. That's over 1000 meals passed through his little body. That's too long for someone to be ignorant.

There are usually shorter laws than 3 months for the mother to "change her mind". In our state, it's 10 days. I know that it seems like too short of a time, however, babies deserve stability, and as an adoptive mom, that 10 days seems like FOREVER. The loss of holding a baby, loving a baby, changing, nurtering, and bonding in those first few days of life is devastating when a child is taken back, especially by someone who seems to be a dead beat dad who happened to have gotten caught having sex, and oh boy-there's a baby. Adoptive parents have loss too when they lose a child. I know, I had a baby in my arms for 3 days, and then the first mom changed her mind. I understand, and I pray that she's fine. It was a no-win situation for one of us, and I lost, but it doesn't take away the pain. I'm sure that adoptive family is grieving horribly if the father got the baby back. I think men should be just as responsible when they have sex as women, and if they run, they don't deserve to take a baby after the fact. Ignorance hurts a lot of people, and mainly the baby.

I feel rather bad for the APs. they had a child for three months, and to have that snatched awayfrom them, i can nly imagine how they must feel. in those three months, and probably before, they had grown to love that child, i'm sure.

Not all Aps are monsters you know. Sure, it was admirable the father wanted his child, but where the hell was he during the pregnancy and birth, and all that? Did he know there was a chance he was the father of that baby? If so, he should have been there, demanding a dna test!

Of course, heres always the chance a guy doesnt know. If that is the case, then, hey, good for him

I feel bad for that child more then anything, being the object of a tug of war.

Ghost Writer: that is very callous of you to say"they can just adopt another baby" like its a puppy that can just be replaced! that was their baby. They held, and loved that child for three months, and to say "they can just get another one" cheapens everything.

APs are people too, and some really are all about giving a child a home for the right reasons.

And youre damn right i'm gonna bash the father. if you read my post, i do make allowances for guys who are never told of the possibility of their being a father.

Autumn: thanks for clarifing! i really wish they had gotten into where the father was. And thanks for not taking offense to me. I've just seen APs vilified at times, and its sad. gain, thanks!

Robin:Yet isn't it just as callous to tell the birth mom/dad "they can always have another baby" like it's A PUPPY that can be replaced?" (as if a puppy can be replaced, even!)

Yes it is, and i myelf would never say that to anyone! I was offended by the way Ghost writer said "they always adopt another" like children are something that are easily replaceable. Children ARE NOT replaceable, in any situation.

In this situation, a father got a child back, yes, but how do we realy know this man was ignorant of the childs existence?

sounds kind of like how AP's are portrayed here . . .as baby stealers even though they did everything legally....they're always snatching babies aren't they?

the pendulum swings both ways