What do you think about this 'Enlightening Sex Fact'?
According to sex researcher Shere Hite, most men don’t marry the women they’re most passionately in love with. Instead, they like to remain in control of their feelings and choose their wives rationally. Furthermore, they’re quite proud of it.
I too found it interesting that were was no link to the study and no actual numbers to back it up. I think it's a load of bull, I just wanted to see what others thought. I'm happily married and I would never think something so low of my husband (otherwise he wouldn't be my husband).
Jim Baw2008-12-05T08:23:35Z
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I don't know about "most" men, but I definitely think that lots of men use logic and rational thought in choosing their wives. I know to a large extent, I do...
The last girl I dated I was desperately in love with, and she really didn't treat me fairly. I learned from that.
When I started getting "back in the game" after that, I thought logically about girls for the first few weeks/months we would be hanging out - specifically I asked myself if they were going to treat me fairly, had too much baggage, would she stay healthy and in shape in the long term, did she have over-the-top expectations, was she spoiled, and would she make a good mother. Basically I didn't let the "newness" and excitement get me too caught up in a girl. I bided my time, and it worked well.
Granted, I always have thought of those things to an extent, but rather than keeping them in the back of my mind, I eliminated some women from the very beginning that I more than likely would have originally dated for a few months, or even years. I also was quasi-dating a girl I met at the end of college (who is now my current girlfriend), but she lived far away, so we didn't want to really commit (at that time). But I did know eventually she would more than likely make me choose to either be together or nothing at all, and I'd need to know for sure if I were making a bad decision by passing up the chance to be with her.
Basically, I ended up eliminating the girls I was dating that were close by by using logic and reason rather than letting my emotions take charge. It shortened up the process a lot for me, partially because it made me a little more pessimistic than I typically would have been. It more or less became a pro and con choice for each girl I was seeing. Eventually I realized that the most rational thing for me to do is to start dating my current gf "officially" even though it is long distance, which is the only "logical" thing that was holding me back.
Now I just moved down to be closer to her, and I'm very happy in our relationship. I love her, but it isn't the type of "blind love" I had with my ex, and I am glad - this is a much better relationship, and I chose it based on logic. So I suppose I would fall into that category (although I'm not married), but I definitely love and care for my girlfriend too.
Passion and love are, very often, different things. Sometimes, they come as a package - but often they don't.
As for making a decision as important as marriage....it should be done with alot more in mind than passion. Making a commitment with the intentions of it being 'lifelong', compatibility, commonalities and mutual respect have much more importance if the marriage is to work.
Frankly, I wish more women would consider these things - as men do - when making marriage decisions. The butterflies in the stomach go away after a while....what are you left with at that point?
Well, you should think rationally when choosing the person you want to marry or spend your life with. Just because you love someone passionately does not mean that person is good for you in a long-term committed relationship. I mean, you could passionately love someone who's strongly addicted to drugs. That person could possibly drain your bank account or steal from you to get their fix. Or you could passionately love someone with an anger problem. That person could physically hurt you or someone else. I'm only giving these examples as possibilities to illustrate that a good relationship and marriage require more than just passionate love in order to be a healthy and sustaining one. It's wise to use some logic to choose the person you commit to.
I understand this. Women are complicit in this practice because when a guy is head over heals about a woman and throwing emotions at her this can put her off. If a man is cooler and less passionately in love the woman is more likely to give him a chance or (more accurately) give herself a chance to win him over completely. Maybe this is what leads to marriage in a lot of cases.
I think it sounds like nonsense, personally. And I saw no data to back it up. It seems like yet another bit of sexist "research" designed to make men look kinda bad.
I suspect that what really happens is that once a man matures, he realizes that the one he's with is not good wife material even though she is a blast in bed, so he moves on and finds a woman who has more than sex appeal going for her. I could be wrong though.