What would you do in my situation? Years ago my husband and I had big financial problems so we sold our house?

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Do you all have your name on the deed or the mortgage? This would make a difference in how to proceed.
Since you and your husband seem to have enough funds and are the ones who want to change the current living arrangement situation, then you should independently pay for a bank appraisal to know what amount of money could be loaned on the place for a mortgage. This appraisal needs to be by a certified banking appraiser. Then you will know the real estate's actual mortgage value, and have a fair bargaining position on which to base future decisions and discussions. This appraisal can be used for a bank loan later, or for input to setting the sellling price.
Tell your Mom, that you have given it alot of thought, and you feel it's time to start your new separate lifes, and feel you are ready to go out on your own, and have the finances to do so. Let both of your parents know that you are getting an appraisal so the property could be transferred or sold. Ask when is a convenient time for everyone to sit down and discuss everyone's input on what might be the best approach on what to do about the farm in order to move forward. Maybe your parents have thought of options - just start with sharing feelings and ideas.
Give your parents the first option to remain in the house, if they can - maybe they can get another roommate or take a reverse mortgage. Since they helped you out in your prior financial problems, it seems you would be causing undue distress if they want to stay and not move, and want to handle it on their own. It seems that your parents intended to have the place to themselves, and it was to be primarily their homestead. Get clear with your husband on your top priorities - As needed, remind yourself of the top priorities - it seems that your most important goals and concerns are keeping goodwill in the family, making sure your parents are financially ok, and having your separate home for you and your husband.
It sounds like you and your husband might be home too much, maybe take a vacation or cruise, go out to a diner to discuss things, have a date night, see if doing these things change your perspective. When you have your own place and are on your own, money will be much tighter, so go out more and take more vacations now before you are tied down into a decision that you might not be ready for just yet....Show more

His anger might be the result of stress over financial problems, but even so, that DOES NOT give him the right to act abusive toward you. Why exactly are you afraid to leave? It sounds like you're unhappy and if nothing else, we all deserve to be happy in this life. A marital spouse should be someone you lean on during times of difficulty, not someone you automatically have permission to dump your frustrations on. If he's refusing counseling, then he isn't even willing to work toward restoring your marriage and happiness. It sounds as though your relationship with him is long over and the best thing you can do is leave now to at least guarantee some peace and happiness in your life and possibly the lives of your children. Also, leaving might just be the shock he needs to help him realize the error of his ways. Once he sees that you're serious about not accepting his abuse, he may change his ways, although it's highly unlikely....Show more

Talk to your parents about the privacy business and mayb that might relieve the stress a little bit more. Then I suggest you sit down with your parents and help them realize that untill the money situation gets better their farm should be put on hold. You do need to move out and get your space but the timing is hard. Work through this with patience it might be hard I know but these are the obstacles in life that makes us who we are. Good Luck....Show more

Be honest with your parents, tell them the truth. tell them that you would like to buy them out, talk to a realtor and tell them what you will give them. Tell them that if they do not want to do this, that you know they can not afford to live there if they buy you out, so this is the only way. They might be upset at first, but they will get over it. Tell them you don't want to sell the property because you think it will take too long. Tell them you will help them look for somewhere else to move and you will help them move. Tell them they are welcome to come visit etc, but you have to have a home of your own, your marriage depends on it. If they throw a fit about it, stand your ground, tell them you will not argue about it, that this is what you have decided to do....Show more

the time for letting things slide has long gone... you are going to have to sit down with your parents an tell them the facts of life.... you could start by showing them this post... (a stretch i know) but you are going to have to tell them what you are wanting to do.. give them the facts and then let them decide. they can not stay and loose the house altogether you would also loose on that one, unless you are not on the mortgage. be as factual as you can they are not stupid, they will have to make decisions, but they should be able to make them in a timely and informed way!!!...Show more