Did your APs change your name when they adopted you? I'm primarily interested in those adoptees whose names have been changed and then reunited with their nfamilies. How did your nparents react to your name change? Do they call you by the name they gave you or by your 'new' name? Anything else you'd like to add would be appreciated.
Some background: I changed my son's name when I adopted him. I now know that that was probably a mistake. His name was long and made up and girly-sounding, but it was HIS name and I changed it. Sometimes I regret that. My son, who is 8, says he's glad I changed it but he's a kid and is probably just trying to make me feel good. If he ever wants to change it back to his original name, I will allow him to, happily! (When changing his name, I dropped some of the letters and made a 'new' name; one that is definitely for a boy and though not common, not terribly unique, either.)
Thank you!
Anonymous2009-01-20T22:45:32Z
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My OBC says 'Baby Girl'.
As a BSE baby - that was the practice of the time.
I haven't been able to ask my mother if she had another name in mind - she's been too traumatised by the whole ordeal.
She married my father 6 months after I was born - then had 2 sons and then a daughter. I often wonder if that would have been my name.
I do think names are important. The hard things with adoptees is to work out if the child likes the new name because they are trying to please - or if they really mean it. Perhaps views change often - just as my own views of my whole adoption experience changed often throughout my youth. I think it's great that you get how important asking these questions is. I thank you for that. Too many APs go into adoption having no thought about this matter. Shame on adoption agencies for their lack of education programs about what really matters for the adoptees.
My husband's current name was given to him when he was adopted from foster care at age 14. He knows a name he had when he was an infant but he does not know if it was the original adoptive families given name or his mother's given name. The original adoptive parents threw him back into the system at age 4. (I know the reason but would rather not share it is despicable) His name, including when he was 14, was changed 5 times. When he went to an orphanage or what they call "centers" now, they would change his name. He was a foster to adopt case and they would change his name or start calling him the name before it was finalized only to have him be removed and put somewhere else. To cope, at a young age he was given a nickname by a friend in a "center" and he has been using that as his name ever since. That is what I call him as well.
I think that a name given to a child should not be tampered with. Through having our own children, I know that children begin to recognize their name prior to six months. Taking it away can be very confusing and detrimental psychologically. Some people handle it better than others of course. But too many people abuse the fact that they can just change a child's name so easily.
I'm sorry, but reunion is not possible so I can not share his story on that.
June Cleaver Would Be Appalled2009-01-21T11:40:17Z
My godparents (AP's) left it to me what I did. I was 11, so my first name obviously wasn't changed. I took their surname and still use it now. They also said that if I wanted to, I could change my first name, as I'd expressed exasperation at 'Tiger Lily' for quite some time =P In the end, I decided it was easier to keep my full first name and just go by Lily. Less paperwork. My parents call me Lily, or Lillis if they want to annoy me.
My foster daughters (my nieces) will be free to do whatever they like with their last names. They're old enough to make the decision themselves. I know that the 8-year-old has expressed enthusiasm at changing her name, as she's brought it up unsolicited a number of times, even before adoption was in the discussion.
I have three names -- the one my mother gave me, the one my father gave me (a Passamaquoddy name) and the one my a-parents chose.
I use my a-name and both natural parents call me that because I was 32 before I reunited. I never liked my name (especially because of all the 'nicknames' that can be made with it -- it's not that they are offensive, but they are all 'cutesy' -- like I'm still 3 years old. UGH!) but it's the only one I ever knew about so I didn't have a choice.
At this point (I'm 36 years old) I just think it would be a pain in the *** to change it. And, I'd have a hard time choosing one as my father is opposed to the name my mother chose (it's the feminine of his name) and my mother doesn't care for the name he chose -- I'd have to choose something completely different...so, why bother?
I was a foster-adoptee, entering my parents home at around 18 months, my adoption final around 3 years old. My a.parents let me keep my names - first & middle, adding their last name (of course).
I'm grateful to my a.parents for that! My first & middle names are the only 2 things that have been mine since the day I was born! The only 2 things that have never changed! Born, adopted, married, divorced, remarried.
'Course there was a while in Jr. High that I didn't like my name. But I got over it. When I met my 1st mom, I learned how my name was chosen, which made it even more special to me.
I was saddened when I first learned that some adoptees have their names changed, especially older adoptees. I'm most disturbed when I see much older IA adoptees given new, American names.
Some AP's seem to have carefully considered the name change. But those who change the names of older children just because they don't like it...well, kinda makes me sad for the kids.