We have a family friend (a girl, 14) who has been expressing concern to us over her Confirmation. Her family is Catholic, but she does not consider herself Catholic and is extremely uncomfortable with this being forced on her. For the weeks leading up to today's Confirmation, she kept telling us she didn't want to do it, but was afraid to tell her parents for fear of punishment. Her Confirmation was today and she was crying the entire time before the ceremony, felt scared by the priest and her family and went through with it even though she keeps saying she didn't want to. I am not familiar with the Catholic faith (was raised Southern Baptist) so I wanted to know if this girl could have denied her confirmation, and what the consequences would have been? She feels horrible now and does not want to live with this decision - she didn't want to do it.
Anonymous2009-03-07T16:43:06Z
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If the confirmation was unwillingly done, it means nothing.I feel for this girl.Although the priest could do nothing if she refused to be confirmed, she may have got hassle from her family about it.She probably felt pressure from her family to conform to the family's faith, so I would tread carefully lest you get blamed for causing her to "rebel".I guess by all the tears, her family have grasped her reluctance in the matter.
Darn, she shouldn't have gone thru it. She should have told the teacher of the program, the priest or her parents. God at least knows.
You don't have to make your confirmation until you are truly ready and willing. Tell her to talk to the priest. Without it in her heart, it's not a true confirmation. And she shouldn't be afraid. Several kids don't do it or do it a few yrs later. I personally think the ages for these sacraments are too young.
Go with her to the priest or to tell her parents. And have her tell you want she wants to say to them. Have her practice on you so she will be able to stay focused when she tells her parents. Just don't let her be alone in this. You sound like a good friend.
Maybe after a few more years and a few Bible studies, she will be able to confirm her faith. It's valid in the church but not in her heart and soul, so it's not valid with the Lord either. He knows what she is thinking and feeling. This is a hard age to be.
I'm Catholic and I've never seen them deny any students confirmation. You should speak to your priest and let him know the trouble you are having and ask him for ideas on what you can do to make sure you fulfill all of your requirements. If your parents won't put out the effort to help you I am sure the priest could arrange for another parent to drive you where ever you need to go to get the stuff done.
If she didn't mean her vows, her confirmation is invalidated. In other words, she's not really confirmed.
I don't know exactly what consequences she would have faced from her parents, but the Church probably would have helped her out with that. You see, if she would have spoken with the priest privately and explained that she didn't want to be confirmed and had no intention of taking the vows in any meaningful way and was just doing this because Mom & Dad said, he might have actually gone to bat for her with Mom & Dad and told them it would be best for her to wait until she really wants to be confirmed. A priest is not supposed to confirm ANY person who doesn't wish it.
Not knowing her parents, I couldn't say whether they would have been understanding or not. She also had a sponsor involved -- that person should have helped her out as well.
I am a Catholic parent, but if any of my kids really didn't want to be confirmed, I would allow that child to wait under the condition that it's not just idle waiting but fact-finding and examining the situation to determine what he/she truly believes and how that fits in with Catholicism (or not).
She should have talked to her family and her priest. Confirmation is an act where the person being confimed states that they agree with the faith and teachings of the catholic church. This child obviously was not ready to be confirmed. If I were her, I would go and speak to the priest. Talk to him. Some families are catholic more out of tradition then faith...and others are so dogmatically of the faith, that they forget that to question is ok. Have her talk to her priest...if she's really too scared of her own priest, then she should go seek out another parish nearby if she can.