Do you think adoptees have the right to refuse reunion?
Earlier it was asked if mothers who relinquished have the right to refuse reunion, and there was a good consensus that while it is indeed her right to refuse contact, she should feel obligated to meet just once. http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiOA.R6R5Iv7RoaPvINzV_jty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090518184905AAIROoT&show=7#profile-info-mc9GikcEaa
Now you won't hurt my feelings being blunt, because quite frankly I've heard most of the blunt things said before. That being said, do you think that adoptees have the right to refuse reunion, and comparing to the previous inclination suggesting a meeting once being owed, do you think that adoptees have that same obligation?
2009-05-21T22:59:45Z
Before I click best answer, I wanted to add that it wasn't meant to be law, but more of a moral issue.
Anha S2009-05-20T07:35:37Z
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I don't think either side should have their right to refuse removed, as unfortunate and hurtful as a refusal is. But I also think that one meeting isn't too much to ask for.
I know that adoptees who refuse reunion have their reasons, just like first moms, dads, or siblings do. That said, I do think that the adoptee owes it to themselves, their current or future children, and their first families to at least meet once and have an exchange of info. The adoptee may not want a relationship/information or whatnot, but I don't think they should get to make that choice for their kids.
No one can force another to meet with them what ever the reason. As for obligation I think that is a matter for individuals to work out there can be no hard and fast rule on this for either adopters or natural parents. In an ideal senario all would end up friends but this ideal is not I have discovered the norm at least not for my generation of 50's and 60's children given up more often the mother panics and runs and will not meet. So the adoptee in my mind has rights to do what is the best for them as they see it.
I was one who said bio-parents had the right to refuse reunion, though I believe providing information and possibly one meeting is a good thing to do, even if nothing else is forthcoming.
I also believe adoptees have the right to refuse reunion. As with bio-parents who may not want to revisit that part of their lives, I believe adoptees who feel secure in their families and wish things to remain the way they are should have that right.
Many men I know who were adoptees have no interest in searching or meeting with their bio-parents. I believe that is because men have more capacity to compartmentalize and see things as black and white. I do not think they owe their bio parents a meeting even if the bio parents are searching.
But I think agreeing to one meeting and exchange of photos or being Facebook friends perhaps is a considerate thing to do in either circumstance.
I absolutely believe that an adoptee has the right to refuse a reunion. When a parent relinquishes their rights by placing a child up for adoption, they may have second thoughts, but in the case of a closed adoption, they are agreeing that the child will not have contact with them. As an adoptee, I would not welcome contact from my biological family.
Neither the adoptee nor the bio mother owe the other anything. It is a personal choice if they want to meet or not and no one has the right to force anyone in to a reunion they don't want.