Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [Imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Actual Newspaper Headlines?

amused2009-07-02T04:13:00Z

Favorite Answer

Cool!

babyboomer2009-07-03T02:15:43Z

That is soooo funny!!!! LOL!! Here's one for you:

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an London office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE
DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a London secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT
BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in London health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY
CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE
BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET
LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK)
---------------------------------------------
People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with
their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the
world.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO
THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE
MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO

On a string of fairy lights:
FOR INDOOR AND OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(Damn, I wanted to put them in outer space.)

In a Norwegian bar.
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In an airline ticket office in Copenhagen.
We take your bags and send them in all directions

In an African hotel.
A room with a view of the sea or the backside of the country.

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Mr Pothead Spanking Master2009-07-02T05:40:37Z

Alright mate
That is the funnest joke i have heard on here all day 10 out of 10
Keep them coming your cool.

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Anonymous2009-07-02T03:20:03Z

I love the last one lol

3 0

†Cross†~of~†Hope†2009-07-02T04:28:58Z

May you have a happy life.
that was funny.

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Actual Newspaper Headlines?

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