Out of spiritual curiosity, is desiring others to believe in us a selfish desire, or is it something greater?

Of course we all need to believe in ourselves first, but is wanting others to believe in us an unhealthy search, and how does this relate to unconditional love?

Bonus question: would it be spiritually beneficial to erase 'should' from our mindset?

2009-07-06T16:16:24Z

I don't give thumbs down!

2009-07-06T16:27:11Z

Rob P,

That was a beautiful response...filled with knowing and wisdom. Thank you :)

2009-07-06T16:35:32Z

Thank you Dave!! another beautiful answer :)

2009-07-06T16:48:15Z

(((((Gibbie)))))

2009-07-06T17:05:56Z

Macrodrops,

Nice explanation! Yes...I do agree!

2009-07-07T05:35:57Z

(((((Bilbo)))))

2009-07-07T05:37:21Z

Udaya,

Thank you for such a thorough and wise answer! :) I am blessed to have you as a contact!!

2009-07-07T05:43:17Z

Udaya,

hmm...I'm not too certain if 'should' translates perfectly....it expresses desirability! It can also also express likelihood/probability or conditions/consequences. There are different usages so perhaps 'nishta' might align more with one than others.

Love and light to you :) Thanks again for answering my question!

2009-07-07T14:43:34Z

Dearest Pale Blue Me, "We put so much emphasis on the drop, ourselves, but once it has become part of the larger body it is no longer just a drop, separable from all the rest.

The larger body cannot separate the drop from who it is. If it wasn't for the drop, it would be an entirely different body of water altogether."

:) My questions always seem to revert back to some concept of 'picture in a picture', collective vs. individual, and ______ vs. _____. (I have no words for it at this time...I need to water that seed lol)

Thank you. Both you and Udaya have made me think.

I like how you explain 'should' and desire. At the time of writing this question I had no idea why I included that "bonus question"...it just seemed right at the time. Now I can see how it was intricately related.

Thank you :)

2009-07-07T14:43:47Z

Dearest Pale Blue Me, "We put so much emphasis on the drop, ourselves, but once it has become part of the larger body it is no longer just a drop, separable from all the rest.

The larger body cannot separate the drop from who it is. If it wasn't for the drop, it would be an entirely different body of water altogether."

:) My questions always seem to revert back to some concept of 'picture in a picture', collective vs. individual, and ______ vs. _____. (I have no words for it at this time...I need to water that seed lol)

Thank you. Both you and Udaya have made me think.

I like how you explain 'should' and desire. At the time of writing this question I had no idea why I included that "bonus question"...it just seemed right at the time. Now I can see how it was intricately related.

Thank you :)

2009-07-07T14:53:02Z

Udaya,

Once again thank you! I can't say it all makes perfect sense at this time, but you have given me a lot to think about. I most certainly agree with what you and Pale Blue have stated about Should and Desire. Deep within me I feel the same way as you both. As for everything, however, I need to reflect on it for a time to let it all sink in. As of now I don't feel that desiring others to believe in us is inherently selfish in a spiritually regressive way...but it can be....and that makes sense. I feel a lot of has to do with self acceptance, and once a person unconditionally accepts one self then nothing can shake that individual...and that being a part of the whole is already realized and granted. Lol I do hope at least some of this rambling makes sense. Let me try to say it this way: If we are a collective body of pieces then desiring to work well together and have our counterparts believe in us would be part of our nature in some way, yes?

2009-07-07T14:55:39Z

Dearest Udaya,

(contd) For the sake of example, if one or more 'piece' of the whole desired the opposite--not to have anyone believe in them then chaos would result...but if all the pieces believed in themselves and didn't rely on other pieces to believe in them first then things would run smoothly.

udaya k2009-07-07T02:08:11Z

Favorite Answer

Desire arouses from Vasna. All desires owe their existence to materialism and five senses. Desires are not attribute of spirit. It is the attribute of body. As long as mind is there, desire is there.

In transmigrating souls mind exists with a subtle body attached to it as sins, therefore Vasna( a genetically transmitted disease in scientific terms). In souls ending in salvation or Moksha, mind is dissolved in soul or dropped. Only pure soul can return to cosmic consciousness and therefore mind do not exist in that larger Cycle.

The sins attached as subtle body in the transmigrating soul as I said earlier is responsible for the level of spirituality in a newly born. If there is spirituality, what ever spoken to the individual spiritually will be acceptable and accepted. If the spiritual birth has not taken place in an individual, however you try you cannot convince him.

A spiritually born may need some guidance from the higher consciousness, and therefore they are fated to meet those who can explain things to them at lower levels of spiritual understanding. Those who are below you can only push you up a mountain not knowing where the one you are pushing up is heading to, but those who are above you and pulling you up knows exactly what is up there. This is one reason for a Guru.

No doubt all minds' desires are selfishness and is the game of ego indulged in worldliness. An Ego indulging in spirituality falls back to Soul identifying itself with the soul and its actual Dharma ( Duty - a very weak English equivalent). That is why Aham Brahmasmi. Aham here is the Ego which identified itself with the Soul; is Brahman.

There cannot be unconditional love as long as Desire is there. Unconditional love can happen only when you find yourself in everything in the world. Identifying and realising that Self or final answer to What am I? itself is God and that God is the same Shakthi or life force present in everything around you as God himself breathed HIMSELF into each and every atom by its omnicience, or in other words, we our self are omnicient the moment we understand that we are in everything, every atom as the soul we possess is the same soul which everyone else and everything else in the world possesses.

"Should" connotes "Nishta" a regularity without which the spiritual journey is incomplete. It is the commandment the soul gives to the body for regularity, continuity. Awareness without continuity is useless., Consciousness without continuity is useless. Earth without continuity is destruction and useless. Anything without conintuity is useless. Regularity or Nishta or the commandment of the Soul to the body or matter for Nishta is what makes the world run. I hope I helped.

Details: I have changed it for you to include all meanings by saying should "connotes". Pale Blue Me has beautifully pointed out that aspect to you by saying wholesome desire is towards liberation and unwholesome is towards bondage. I would suggest a little more by saying "every word we speak is feminine, masculine, negative, positive, wholesome, unwholesome, material & spiritual, etc. Since words are thoughts in sound form, each texture of the mental makeup is reflected or /is neetly packed in a word, the overlaps are also reflected. Therefore, we should not find a difference between a word and thoughts of that word in a speaker. The meaning of the word therefore is relative with the thoughts of speaker. The word "should" would connote Nishta when the path or thought is towards liberation. The same "should" would be evil when you say "You should murder". The action justifies the meaning and the thought. Even in such context which is towards bondage the "should" has a finite action which is Evil-ly regular. I shall demonstrate by a small story. A saint goes across a river every day to worship piously the God he found on the other bank of the river. An evil person desecrated what ever the saint did, every day after the saint left. The evil person broke the image of god and pelted stones and did all kinds of things. It went on for years. One day there was a storm in the river, the saint could not corss the river. But the evil person crossed the river and pelted as usual. When it came to judgement, the saint found the evil person already in the heaven. Asked God why that is so. God replied it was his Nishta which brought him to heaven. Even the unwholesome if done with regularity and continuity leads to wholesome as Satan has to ultimately join with God. Path to Bondage also ultimately reaches path to liberation. So Vasna whether it be fragrance of the flower or smel of dirt, both are smell and blend with each other to disappear. I hope I am somewhat clear to you.

Jon Owen (AKA Milarepa)2009-07-07T09:23:09Z

Dear Kasey,

I hesitated to answer this question because others have done such a great job of answering it. I thought I may not have anything to add, and that may still be true.

I believe Rob P hit the nail on the head.

If the need to be "believed in" is a condition for our loving ourselves or others, only then is it an unwholesome desire.

Desires, as we know, come in two kinds: wholesome--those which lead to liberation, and unwholesome--those which lead to bondage. Both of these are concepts, tools to take us along the path. Ultimately they have no meaning.

The supposed individual observes thought because conditions are right for doing so, but this is not our permanent state.

Your new avatar is of ripples on the water's surface, perhaps that of a drop falling, merging into a larger body.

We put so much emphasis on the drop, ourselves, but once it has become part of the larger body it is no longer just a drop, separable from all the rest.

The larger body cannot separate the drop from who it is. If it wasn't for the drop, it would be an entirely different body of water altogether.

Conversely, the drop cannot say it's not the cloud or the sun that caused the water to condense.

When we get passed the idea of self, then we see that all perceptions are mere phantoms in an infinite spectrum of existence and non-existence.

Then our love and feelings about ourselves will not depend on any concept.

When we come to this realization, then it is safe for us to go back to calling ourselves human-beings. Then we see ourselves as being human, without being overly attached to the idea.

Humans have basic psychological needs, and desiring to be seen for our potential is part of that.

dartagnon p2009-07-06T23:20:38Z

It confirms our existence. Like kids wanting the truckers to pull the cord for the horn.

I've always thought that the ultimate approval was from kids since they are very truthful and dont make friends with grown-ups very often. To have one give me a thumbs up and say "Cool" is like all the best things in the world.

I like approval by my peers too ... but often older people will "fake it" for my benefit, and may not always mean it.

I no longer use the words "IF, COULD, SHOULD or WOULD". I was taught long ago ... You either DO IT or you do NOT. There is no other option.

Peace

I AM
Dartagnon

Rob P2009-07-06T16:21:38Z

It matters not if others "believe" in us when Unconditional Love is purely projected. It is known (read: realized) therefore belief is not required.

You allow the source of selfishness to arise when the term "want" is used. This is desire, which is of attachment. Only the ego-self desires. This is a form of "love taking" in place of unconditional love given. It does not have to be "unhealthy" unless the "wanting" individual allows it to be. Guilt is a conduit that creates "unhealthy' beliefs.

The term "should" is no more powerful than what we choose to give it. Words are nothing more than words. And it is words, indeed language, that is limiting, limited and impoverished.

Pure love given, unconditionally requires no language. Therefore words become moot.

Blessings

Anonymous2009-07-06T16:30:36Z

Yes. I believe it is a selfish desire, but many selfish desires are positive. It is more the purpose behind that desire. Thinking about how others think of you is an unhealthy search. Don't invest to much time on it, the return is not that great. Should, in the sense of, I should had done that, in past tense. Yes.

Child of Light

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