Is it normal to feel blue for so long after a messed-up performance?

Question

I just sang for my music history professor today, because she's been asking me to sing for her after knowing that I'm a 'singer-in-training'. She's a singer too - a beautiful light-lyric soprano that almost makes you think you're listening to angels sing. Think something like Barbara Bonney + Ingrid Kertesi. She's a very nice and sweet lady - it doesn't quite feel like she's a professor, she feels like a friend and I'm actually quite close to her.

So why did I write my previous paragraph? Because I'm wondering if how she's like has got anything to do with how I feel right now. I sang 2 pieces for her - a Russian Romance, and Mozart's "Un moto di gioia". They are pieces that I love and have also sung in front of an audience, and thus I feel most comfortable 'performing' them. 

The Russian piece went ok, she seemed to love it. But for some reason (nerves, I think), I actually cracked on the G5 ('non sempre e tiranno') and went a little flat in intonation on almost all my high notes in the first half of "Un moto di gioia". It has never happened before. I did manage to save the second half though. My professor still enjoyed it, and she didn't criticise me for those mess ups. And after that performance, I actually went back to the piece and fixed all the problems because I couldn't stand leaving it like that.

So why am I still feeling so beat-up now? It's been hours, and I had a good practice session after the performance as well. Normally I would have gotten past the disappointment in a couple of hours, especially with a good practice session. But somehow, this time it didn't work. I was happy for the time that I was practising, but after the practice, I'm back to feeling like this.

Anyone experienced this before, or care to shed some light on this? It's so atypical of me to be like that.
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Suggested category: Computers & Internet > Hardware > Monitors 

(Right. All because I used 'performance' in my question head...)

? · Accepted Answer

I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way. The hard part of any performance is "getting over it." Either way, if it went really well, that euphoria can last long enough to get you to the next one where something goes amiss ... and then you feel even worse. 

I think that because you were performing for a singer who you admire so much, you feel that you've let her down. And in doing that you feel that you've let yourself down. (It could have been just a touch better and now you are disappointed with yourself.)

... I cannot say I've ever experienced the depression / dissatisfaction you're feeling. I go into every performance KNOWING I will mess up somewhere (It's a miracle when I don't). Still the music is always appreciated by the audience.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't worry about it. I did a major piano performance with an orchestra one time. And for the first time I skipped 9 bars of the music! I had never done that before but I did! And the whole orchestra was lost and confused. I was so depressed. I was sad for 3 days and then I got really sick with the flu for a week. And then I was depressed for another week after that. It's a terrible feeling to think you've just embarrassed yourself (and in my case the conductor and manager and orchestra). It's natural. Don't worry too much. You'll get over it. Try writing your feelings down in a diary or something.

? · Answer

It has happened to me a few times, so you could call it normal. With some people we just seem to "click" as if we have a spiritual or emotional or even intellectual connection. I am learning to be more careful about this though and not get carried away by these feelings coz you can be so wrong in the end and oh, so sorry you let your impressions fool you! We have a saying that "chicken soup and precaution never hurt anyone" ...

MissLimLam · Answer

How depressing to hear that you are so blue...

For me the closest experience I have had of that was when I was in choir singing an English folk song, and I accidently started singing "O thou that tellest." But, I have an excuse! The first interval/notes of the folk song are exactly the same as O thou that tellest.... That was one of the most embarassing moments of my "career."  Or maybe it was when I started crying my eyes out during a performance of Gelido in Ogni Vena... but thank god my voice wasnt affected!

Or that time I was singing Una Voce Poco Fa, and my B was flat. I realised this almost immediately though, and corrected it by trilling the Bb/B. Then I obsessed over that cadenza for weeks... 


Anya, everybody has 'off" days, when they cant sing as well as they would have liked. Maybe you are coming down with something, or maybe its something trivial like the weather is making you sound flat? (That logic works with my trumpet... It sounds flatter in hot weather)

-MissLimLam

Jack Herring · Answer

I feel most of us are our worst critics. When a performance does not go perfectly, I tend to keep dwelling on it. I try not to, but cannot help it. Many times in bed it will keep me awake, my brain will not let go if it. Usually I will get up and practice the piano, and even while practicing by mind will still be thinking about it, however at least I am getting some practice time in. Eventually with time I move on and sleep like a baby.

Hang in there.

Is it normal to feel blue for so long after a messed-up performance?

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