I'm not ready for college, how can I possibly explain that to my mom?

Question

You see, I graduated high school this year, now this should of been the start of something great, something new, and the beginning of journey to adulthood, as I've been told.
But, I'm simply not ready for college.
The last two years of my high school career was extremely hard, I was faced with the devastating loss of my grandfather, the return of my mentally and physically abusive father, my mothers unemployment, the possibility of being homeless, struggling to keep my grades of up, and other situations I'd rather not talk about.

Things worked out kind of, our home was secured and my father went under the radar again. After all that's happened in the short time of two years, and I find myself mentally exhausted and burned out.
I'm depressed and still trying to deal with what's happened, and I'm scared of my mind going to something so important as college.
I find these issues of mine too distracting, so my attention won't be dedicated to my studies.
And my mother wants me to get a job to boot, she wants me to juggle college, a job, and my baggage.
I can't function, especially with classes in less than three weeks.
I'm having constant panic attacks, I got into a big fight with my mom for absolutely no reason, and I'm just unable to relax or calm down.

How can I possibly explain to my mother that I need a few months off, hell, the college I'm going to is only something my mother devised with my god mother who got me in, I'm only staying for a semester before I transfer.
But transffering requires good grades, and getting good grades in college isn't an easy feat from what I've been told, it takes determination and dedication, two things I can't give right now.

What's a few extra months going to hurt? I plan to enroll in the Winter/Spring Semester.
I just need to relax, without term papers and deadlines breathing down my neck.

How can I possibly explain it to my mother? I told her I'd be willing to get a job and take art classes to prepare my portfolio 
(For the school I do plan to go to)
I plan to stay occupied and not cooped up in room like my mom fears.

My mother as supportive as she can be, also has a short fuse and can get scary angry.
What can I do to calmly explain my problems.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hi there.  It sounds like you have been through so much!  I'm so sorry.  I think you are very wise to not rush into college.  I went through so much as a teen (I was homeless, I was hospitalized and almost died, I was sexually abused, physically abused, and more).  I was just NOT ready for college.  I went anyway and my performance REALLY suffered.  I am an intelligent person, but I was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, panic attacks, general anxiety, and insomnia.  I wish I had taken the time to go to counseling and get my life in order before starting college.  College is very intense and you need to be able to concentrate.  

I ended up going to counseling in my mid-twenties and it helped so much.  I just wish I had done counseling first, THEN school.  You really need to get some help first.  I hope you can learn from my experience.  

Think about it this way, I went to college before I was ready and I ended up getting bad grades.  My insomnia was so bad that I would stay up all night, then miss classes the next day and turn papers in late, or I would miss so many classes that I would fail.  Then I had to go back to school when I was older to repeat the classes and get good grades.  People labeled me as lazy or stupid or whatever.  But most people do not know what it is like to live through abuse, be homeless, and almost die all before the age of 18.  Geez.  I was traumatized.  Anyway.... my advice would be get the help you need-- find a therapist you can talk to.  Just my 2 cents.  GOOD LUCK with whatever path you choose.

youngeazy619 · Answer

just chill out and do your own thing.  Nothing wrong with a JC, it is a great route to go.  Get a job if you need to until you start school, and stay as busy with your own life as possible. You should realize that everyone does things differently pertaining to how they feel, their goals, financial situation.  So, just go at your own pace for what you feel you can handle.  Your anxiety is normal and understandable, and many people go through the same thing during this transition period.  Make sure you look at the bigger picture, and keep focused on your goals.  

I am sure your Mom is as stressed out as you are if not more, since she has to worry about supporting you, and your father is her ex/husband.  So, try not to be so hard on her.  Realize that college is fun, and it isn't that hard if you just go to the library for a few hours a day.  It is actually quite relaxing if you are doing something you like, since you are essentially removed from the real world.

Why don't you plan something for you and your Mom to do for an afternoon or an evening. Get coffee, dinner, dessert and tell her how you are feeling.  It is a really mature move that will help you both connect.  I used to be volatile as ****, and I subjected myself to a shitload of unnecessary stress by not calmly talking about stuff to my parents.  Just focus for a semester, get the grades you need, and transfer.  Then get a part-time job and don't take things so seriously.  If you don't have kids, a mortgage, and bills to pay...you're in a relatively good situation.  HANG IN THERE!

Mary · Answer

You can wait and get a 2 year scholarship when you are about to start your junior year. You will still get a commission in the AF that way with ROTC. Or apply for a 3 year scholarship through ROTC after you turn 18.

I'm not ready for college, how can I possibly explain that to my mom?

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