Does anyone else have a problem with the term 'Adopter'?

Whenever I hear someone use the word 'Adopter' for adoptive parents, I have the same reaction as when I hear the term 'Birther' -- I cringe and it leaves me feeling defensive (note: I am an adoptee, not an adoptive parent...). I'm guessing I'm not the only one who feels this way (maybe I am) but I was just wondering if anyone else gets a bad taste in there mouth about the word 'adopter'...

2009-08-29T09:28:27Z

Pip-- I think you and I are on the same wavelength with this.

everyone else so far -- thanks for your answers!

2009-08-29T09:34:14Z

Spotty--I do only classify my parents as "adoptive parents" on the internet...but the rest of you answer was incredibly rude and insensitive. I do not know my biological family (and currently do not desire to) but I do not need someone else telling me (or other adoptees) who our REAL parents are (that is one of my pet peeves).

kate--i agree and realize that it is proper English (and even a legal term), but it still comes off as cold to me...do you not agree?

2009-08-29T09:56:38Z

H******* -- please correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't they still not be 'adopters' until they've actually adopted? Wouldn't they be 'potential adopters' until then?

?2009-08-29T11:02:32Z

Favorite Answer

I do, and I rarely use it. Although it is a "legal term" which is used very often in other parts of the world, it just makes me cringe a little bit, just like the term "birthmother" does. It belittles and de-humanizes people, if that makes sense.

I just feel like if the word is offensive to most, and I do believe it is to people in the US, I dont use it very often.

Freckle Face2009-08-29T19:27:51Z

Hi Hpfreak,

I've been called worse, so no I don't have a problem with the word.

There is no negative connotation attached to adopter. What? Is someone going to say, "that i am reduced to the single act of adopting my child and thats all i was good for"? I think not. The term adopter doesn't carry the same gravity as the "b" word that some people are using in comparison. apples and oranges, here.

♥♥Mum to Superkids Baby on board♥♥2009-08-29T19:31:00Z

It doesn't personally bother me one bit, and I feel it can be a truthful term at certain parts of the adoption process. However, I know it bothers some people so I don't use it out of respect, just like I refuse to use the word birthmother/father, etc.

Anonymous2009-08-29T09:42:49Z

I do not use this term when referring to adoptive parents. I've been in the adoption arena for decades and never heard of this term until I got on this forum. I personally think that the term is cold, and removes the humanness from adoptive parents, similar to how the "birth" term likens natural parents to one function.

Generally, I don't make it a practice of discounting other peoples feelings.

Anonymous2009-08-29T17:14:28Z

It's not a word that bothers me. My parents adopted me, I am the adoptee, they are the adopters. What's to get your knickers in a twist about that? <wry g>

@Randy B: Strange. On my computer it's adoptee that gets flagged in a speel-chuck, with adopter being accepted.

ETA: But then I also use the term birth for members of my bfam (ok, so I abbreviate birth family, but that's only to save on typing), which a lot of other people seem to have massive problems with.

I've considered the terms that I use, weighed up the pros and cons of what they mean to me, and decided whether to carry on using them or not - I chose to carry on using the terms because not only are they what I grew up with and so feel comfortable with, but also because they are just descriptive words, and I like to have easy to understand labels to use.

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