Why do people in this section make it seem like adoption is the worst thing someone can possibly do?
You people make it seam like you're better off throwing your baby in a dumpster than putting it up for adoption to a loving family. I'm going to be an adoptive parent, and I'm not evil. I'm going to have an open adoption and let the bio-parents keep in touch as much as they want. It's sad you may have had a bad experience, but have you entertained the thought that maybe you, in general, are a depressed pessimist who focuses too much on the past?
2009-09-14T10:50:59Z
Anha I have sat down and done extensive reading and research. The vast majority of you people who strongly oppose adoption ARE overly negative people. I'm prepared and willing to listen to whatever my kids have to say about being adopted, but I just hope they'll have the common sense to be grateful for at least having a family that loves them as opposed to growing up on the streets.
2009-09-14T10:53:48Z
PhilM you are exactly the type of person this is about. I'm sorry you've had a hard life, but rather than bringing it out on others, you really should consider therapy. My kids won't be like you, ever.
2009-09-14T11:36:00Z
maybe - I for one am grateful for everything I have. There are people all over the world dying because they DON'T have basic necessities like food and shelter.
2009-09-14T12:34:54Z
Wow you people are ridiculous. Angry and opinionated are two different things. And how do you know I'm not empathetic or that I'd be a lousy parent? You don't even know me.
love my life2009-09-14T13:44:59Z
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You haven't figured out that the only adoptions that the majority of people on here approve of are from foster care. Many on here act like if you adopt an infant you are a baby snatcher (load of crap) They fail to realize that not all girls/women want to be parents, nor are all extended family's capable or willing to take the child on. Many on here also think that just because they are unhappy with their adoption that all should be unhappy with theirs, which is a misconception on their part. I also think too many dwell on the past instead of living for the future. Not that making peace with the past isn't a good thing. I think everyone has to make peace with their past in order to live for the present and the future. But on here you will find few who are content and happy with the circumstances of their being adopted. For me I am content and have no regrets about being adopted. It is a fact of my life that can't be changed nor would I have it be for if I wouldn't have been adopted I wouldn't have had the parents I did or the family I did, nor would I be the person I am today. Attitude is everything and you won't change the attitude of those here. They will continue to be the way they are. You just have to live your life and do what is best for you and yours.
Just as with all things in life, there are good and bad aspects to adoption. Adoption is good for children who need homes or who are in abusive situations. Adoption is bad when it is chosen for the wrong reasons or there is coercion involved with the process. As long as adoption is done in the best interest of the child, it is a good thing. Whenever a child is not held at the center of the process, then it is a bad thing.
You cannot know how your children will feel in the future. I'm sure if you asked my a-parents, they'd think I had no problem with my adoption. They did everything "right" as far as telling me about my adoption, and always saying that they had an open ear to lend if I had an issue. I was always uncomfortable talking to it about them, because I felt if I did say anything with a tinge of negativity to it, they would feel that I was being negative about THEM. Your children might feel the same way. I do wish for them, that they are comfortable and happy. I wish that you would be more open minded. They came into this world and were bombarded with loss. They lost the only people that they knew anything about. This effects children, no matter how much we wish it didn't or wouldn't. My opinion is that adoption usually doesn't need to happen. If there is abuse or neglect children shouldn't be in that situation, but I feel that the majority of newborn adoptions are unneeded. You may have done research and feel that you understand, but until you have LIVED adoption (being adopted) you won't "get it". No child should have to feel grateful that their basic needs are taken care of. Common sense? Common sense should tell you that a child shouldn't have to feel like they were "saved". You sound angry. You sound defensive. I'm truly hoping that you go to therapy to deal with this, and that if your children need it, that you offer them therapy as well. I know I needed it. I have no shame for it. I still think adoption is an abomination.
Do you ever stop to wonder why there are "people all over the world dying because they DON'T have basic necessities like food and shelter"? Could it have anything to do with a particular country and that country's foreign policy, economic and political wars waged around the globe?
Some of us have moved back to our places of birth, and are living among these "people" (you seem to have too easy a time separating yourself from other "people", by the way), and are finding out that nothing that 'you" might have given us in any way makes the return trip easier, and are realizing that perhaps we were not meant to be absconded with in the first place.
And I say this with the complete support of my adoptive family in returning here, so we can probably forego the attempt to make those who speak out some kind of aberration; an exceptional case who has had a "bad experience", that you can ignore after you've defined it as irrational, or worse.
I'd like to ask a question: Why should we have to defend ourselves? How hard is it to be truly selfless, and make the changes in one's life that might actually help hundreds of children, and not just one? Are you ready to do that--or are you in it only for "your" kid?
I can understand your int ital reaction. But please try not to be dismissive of their feelings even if you're not agreeing. Not everyone will agree with you either, but that's life and people how it goes. What I find here is often people are sharing one side of their story in an effort to answer a question, at times personal feelings and hurt can creep in and it becomes more a rant. If it happens only occasionally I'll over look it and read the part that's informative. All the time I've learned to ignore it, read between the lines if it's possible with an answer.
Yes some things are what happens in every family to one degree or another, adoption does have things that add to it at times if handled the wrong way over and over by Adoptive parents in the past. Look upon what adoptee's are saying as things that need to be addressed. And potential mistakes you can avoid. You won't get it all perfect, but some simple things can make a world of difference.
I am a person with a lot of gratitude in my life too, People around me know I feel that why by how I talk about things and people in my life. But I don't impose it on others by telling them to be grateful, it comes out negative and like you're telling them to 'shut up' and I don't want to hear. You know..."Eat you veggies kid, you should be grateful you have food on you're plate, kids like you are starving in Africa..." That might be true, but imposes something on your child that causes resentment, not encouragement.
In adoption... "You should just be grateful you have a home and a family, there are kids who spend their whole lives in orphanages unloved etc..." There's an undertone there, and its not a positive when its said out loud. While it may be true they could have been left in an orphanage, unloved and starving, but gratitude comes from within a person and how they feel about it and their life, can't make 'em see or feel it the way you do no matter how hard you try.
Take a course in emotional intelligence, its a great tool for raising children and relationships in your life. I recommend it to people I meet who are going into an adoption waiting list. Once you attend a course like that you'll have a greater understanding on issues that arise in adoption and how people incorrectly handle the emotions of others and children.
Anyway, I feel you might have just been shocked, that's all. Once you recover I'm sure you'll be fine.