NEED SOME HONEST SERIOUS ADVICE.?
This may be a long one but i need serious only advice. My son, 24 mental problems, very bad temper, verbally and physically abusive. My husband has in the past gone to save him when his car broke down in the middle of the night, quite far away, going and recharging his battery at all hours, worked on his car, Saved him from going to jail a few times, my son has stolen from him , my husband has given him money and food when he had none, gave him a bike to use and he broke that. and when he was at the shelter 100 miles away, that he walked to, my husband went to find him and he did standing in a soup kitchen line. And he brought him back to his home town he stayed with us on the and my son found someone to stay with for a short time, then got kicked out of everywhere even a shelter once. He has a criminal trespassing on our property from destroying and abuse. He has shut a door on my husband and hit him in the face with hit, assaulted my husband, calls him names, told the cops he sells pot, which he doesn't and when the cops came they found some pot, due to my pain and my DR, encourages me to smoke when i am in severe pain. today my son stopped by and i was outside and all i could hear was my husband screaming at my son to get out of of house, because no one was in here. and my husband screamed it again, he finally came out and got on his bike and started to leave and i said wait, let me talk to you, he said sorry, gotta go. the other day my son got upset about something and said to me "when _______ was in jail did you suck on his friends _____. Because he tried to hit me on my bike. That really made my husband mad. He said no one is going to talk to his wife like that. Now, my son refuses meds and counseling, says he isn't sick, he really is paranoid schizophrenic with some delusions. My husband has done a lot for him and he still calls us names and is very verbally abusive and a couple of weeks ago my husband and him was on the ground scuffling.
Needless to say, it is hard being in the middle of things and the things that happen to my son, hurts, because he is mentally ill and it didn't happen until he was 22. and never been the same since. Their relationship has been up and down for over 10 years and my husband said he is tired of the assaulting, the verbal abuse and the way he treats me so abusive at times, hurting my feelings. He said NO MORE< So, should I be upset with my husband? Should I stop doing for my son, money, and food, since he doesn't get the help he needs and won't won't. and Yes we have been to counseling and mediation about this and still the fighting goes on. what should i do respect that my husband has tried and understand his point or ignore my husband and be there for my son. ( please keep in mind that he does have a mental illness and is abusive, he is 24. ) he was just at my door, my husband is gone and i let him in and he asked for money, again i gave him 5 bucks and he said he has no food, but refuses to go to the food bank or soup kitchen, I am in tears as I write this and I said to him as he was leaving, why won't you get help, the family loves you, he won't answer me and walked out. I feel used. I told him that we can not help anymore until he helps himself and I think it is taking a tole on my marriage. WHAT TO DO?
Just sent a question before this, so when you read this you will understand the problem.