NEED SOME HONEST SERIOUS ADVICE.?

Your poor husband, this is no life for you or him, your just existing until the next major outburst, awful situation, I appreciate a mothers love for her son, but neither of you (hubby and you) deserve this, it's now got to be tough love, you and your husband stand together, sooner or later your son will understand that you are not prepared to take any more. My thoughts are with you x

Your husband, unless you are having problems other than this one, should come first. This is coming from a non-religious person, by the way. If you were gay and said that your wife had a problem with your son I would say to listen to her. Sit down and talk it out and reach an agreement or compromise. He should come first. You wouldn't have a son without him. It sounds like he has tried everything and that nothing has worked so he gives up. Tell your son that you both love him, but that you cannot live like you have been anymore. Then let him go. When he decides that life sucks a lot, he will seek help and maybe change. That us the most positive answer i can give you.

It's really sad to say, but sometimes people just don't want to be helped, or can't recognize that they have a problem and you can only do so much. I don't have kids, so I might not fully understand, but I have had friends and family that have had serious issues, and I could only try and help them for so long. I'm not saying to give up on your son, but I think that for the time being you and your husband have done all you can do. I agree with Fran, sit him down next time he comes by and explain that he really needs to get help, but until he does, you can't keep dealing with him being physically and verbally abusive to the family. I would also look into finding a way to get him into a hospital for treatment..have a mediator or someone from a health facility around next time you think your son will stop by, maybe they can convince him to get help?

One day your son will realize that he has a serious problem, and he will thank you for what you have done, and hopefully will get the chance to do (getting him into a hospital). Hang in there, and it sounds like you have an amazing husband, you don't want to chance losing him over this, your son is important too, but you need to see how much you and your husband have sacrificed already. Good luck, I hope this somewhat helps.

It is the best decision to not help until he gets help, if you allow him to treat you like this then it will go on forever, as my brother has been abusing my mother since he was very young and still does it till this day and he's now 45 years old.

We forget that our children our adults, its a mother and son thing, but the phrase crule to be kind works, there is nothing you can do for him to get help and he will not need help as long as he has you helping him, it is going to be very tough, but once he sees that he has no aid from you or your husband, then he will have to get help else where, you should have done this long ago, but you have done it now and that's what counts. Do not give up and remember to pray, you can pray with your eyes open and standing up doing things and it don't have to be a long prayer it could be short breath prayers such as, Lord help me or lord please give me rest every now and then.

After a while pay him a visit every now and then even though you have limited the contact and care you give him just to see if he is okay and realizes that he needs help, this will reasure him and let him know that you will be there when he seeks medical help. There is very little you can do whist he remains ignorant to his illness.

When you visit him take your husband along as i feel this will keep you and your husband on the same track, and pray, and remember that this is a test from god and when he sees you have had more than your share of suffering, will step in.

You mentioned that you told him that you won't help him again until he helps himself. Well, you have to mean that. If you help him again before he gets his own assistance, then he will know he can walk all over you. You cannot break on this! You have made a stand and he has to know that you won't back down. He may need to hit rock bottom before he can find his way back and as long as you help him out, he'll never realize that it's not ok. This situation absolutely sucks. And no matter what you do, it won't be easy. But think about what's best for him. You want him to get better, right? Than he has to know that it can't continue this way anymore. Your husband is right. Helping and trying to rescue him didn't work for you guys so now it's time for some tough love.

1. Try Byron Katie. Her worksheets are on her website and her videos are on youtube.

2. If you get panic attacks, sign up for the free emails on the panicaway website.

3. Try reading Patrick Holford's "Low GL diet" - blood sugar imbalances can cause havoc with your body and symptoms include depression, mood swings, tiredness, drowsiness after eating, cravings for sweet foods, headaches, heart palpitations, anxiety, irritability, agrressive outbursts, crying spells, excessive sweating, dizziness and trembling.

4. Keep two journals. One for writing down all your feelings, this is really good for clearing out your anxieties and getting all your

war onto paper, you can delete it straight after if you need to, it's just good to really see your stressful thinking. And the other can be your gratitude journal - write down all the things you are grateful for that happened today.

5. If you have a lot of money to spend go to "The Option Institute".

6. Read "Happiness is a Choice" by Barry Neils Kauffman. Here is a link about people overcoming personal challenges: http://www.option.org/custom:single,595

Best wishes with everything!

Love.

xxx

By continuing to "help" him, you are just enabling him to continue with a destructive lifestyle. You have to mean it that you are not going to help him any more. He has to help himself and learn to take care of himself. It sounds like you've got some serious health concerns of your own. You don't need to be dealing with a violent and abusive mentally ill grown man. Tell him to get help with his problems by seeing a doctor and going on meds or not to come back to you for help. He may end up getting arrested or hospitalized because of his actions but you have to let him face the consequences. Until he understands that he is in charge of his own life, he won't take any responsibility for how screwed up it is. It will hurt to say things like this to him and to stand by and watch him hurt if he goes to jail, etc. He will call you every bad name in the book to try and make you feel guilty enough to cave in and help him again. You have to be strong and stand fast. Don't give in.

Feed your son a good meal, sit down and try to talk to him in a civil voice. Tell him you love him dearly, then kick his little A__ out and tell him not to come back until he gets help. There is no need to let this boys life ruin yours and your hubby's.

Why doesn't the state see to it that he goes to a hosp. and have treatment.

Short Answer Always Help Your Family even if it's abused. someone has to care!

who do u love more, to be honest, get ur son help, even force help on him,sorry that not fair,, i would be appalouding ur husband, if that was me, i would have lost ti by then