If an abused child is adopted, doesn't this change the "open vs closed" adoption argument?
I continue to see the PROS to having an open adoption, and quite frankly I do agree. However, the 12 children we have adopted had been terribly abused in their original homes. I can not seem to find opinions on the "Open vs Closed" adoption argument, when the parental rights were forcibly terminated in court. What are you feelings about keeping a child SAFE from contact with their abusers? Isn't this different that "robbing" a mother of her child and having a closed adoption?
2009-09-22T20:22:33Z
Actually Sunni, I have adopted from Foster care over 23 years. There are only 5 children at home at this time :) And YES kids are generally in FC due to abuse.
Anonymous2009-09-22T16:41:15Z
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If the rights were terminated due to abuse, I would cut off all contact with the bio parents. I mean if they are civil you could contact CPS, and have all correspondence go through them. Like you could send pictures to a CPS office that they then in turn could send to the parents. To keep them updated. Then when the children are old enough they can contact CPS to find their parents. That is just an option. And in my opinion I would sever all contact with the parents directly if they really cared they would not be in the situation in the first place
It does change the situation. Absolutely. Children adopted through foster care are in an entirely different siituation.
However, there are situations where it would be safe/beneficial for there to be some openness, and whenever possible, this is important. It really is case to case, and I would hope that ALL parents would do what is in the best interest of their child at the end of the day.
However, in saying that, there must be some understanding of what it takes for parent's rights to be terminated in the first place. In most (not all) cases, that parent is NOT a safe person for their child to be around. But, when the child's worker recommends it, and it seems like a safe situation, it should be at least explored in order to make sure that the child has the best possible situation.
The thing about foster adoption is that it is rarely, if ever black and white. It is not as simple as private sector adoptions because there is an entirely different dynamic at play.
I will say though, that a child having consistent contact with an ABUSER is not generally in their best interest. However, there are times when having some contact or openness with a non-abusive parent or sibling is very much in their best interest.
Technically we have a closed adoption. Our children were similar to yours, and there is no contact with parents. This said, I made a choice to meet with the mom myself, and will do so once a year, bringing pictures, etc. etc. etc. and allwoing her to give gifts.
Understanding the cycle of abuse, I know that she too was abused. This does NOT excuse her behaviour, but i do look at her and see nothing more than an older version of my girl. If not for me, my girl would be her in 15 years, so that is how I look at it.
I also know my kids will want some kind of confronting of hteir past when they are older. Who am I to say they can never know who their mom and dad were? Maybe the parents change when they are older and maybe a good relationship can be formed. I don't want to keep this informaiton from my kids.
So I keep it open as in I know the mom, will make sure I stay connected with her, because even though she made grave grave errors, I see her as an overwhelmed person who just wasn't grown up or mature enough to handle four kids and lashed out at the easiest targets, the kids themselves.
Open/closed adoptionj argument is not just about contact right now, but openness and willingness to do what is right for the child throughout the child's life.
I definitely support protecting the safety of the child. I definitely feel the child should be kept safe from their abusers.
However, a history of parental abuse doesn't necessarily mean a totally closed adoption is the only way to go. If it can be done safely, I think the child should still have the opportunity to grow up knowing their grandparents, or extended family or other siblings or people like that. Yes, there will be cases where it isn't possible to maintain contact with the family and to still ensure the child's safety, but in many cases, it is an option and it should definitely be explored.
I think most here will agree that safety is always comes first. So, while typically open is the best option, this may not always be the case for children adopted from Foster care.
When we first adopted our son, we did not have contact with his other family. His father was very abusive and it was not in our son's best interest. But, when he passed away, Drew was able to have contact with his family and now even has extended visits.